Faux none judgement

[InfamousPartyAnimal]

Nc for this as I don't want it linked to other threads I have posted on!
I have noticed this a lot on here, people falling over themselves to prove how none judgemental they are and I just don't see it in RL.
The mantra seems to be, we absolutely must not judge anyone for any actions (no matter how bad) as they are more than likely just salt of the earth people trying to get on with their lives.
Sorry but I judge all of the time!
Woman/man dropping their kids off at school dressed in nightwear stinking of booze and cigarettes (or worse, weed) with scruffy/dirty looking kids then I judge them as unfit parents.
Dog owners that don't walk their dogs and leave them at home all day, barking and causing a nuisance through no fault of their own. I judge them as terrible dog owners that shouldn't be in charge of a cactus never mind a living breathing animal!
Men that have multiple children who decide they don't like family life and fuck off with a younger child free model and decide they don't need to pay for their children because the tax payer will pick up the bill. I judge them as pond life.
We all make judgements every day, some keep us safe, some mean we interact with people that live similar lifestyles to us and some could be completely wrong but we all make them.
I don't believe anyone that says they never judge people, it's part of being human!
I am sure I will be told how unreasonable I am because judging is seen as a terrible personality flaw but I just don't think it is.

I wouldn't think anything of them as people if I didn't know them. I'd likely feel sorry for the homeless person, but I wouldn't make any judgements about them. Same with the royal person if it was someone I knew nothing about. However yes as a PP said if it was Prince Andrew I'd have some thoughts, but that's because I know what he's done!

No, I wouldn't judge them negatively just from that. I wouldn't think that it's someone I'd love to get to know but I don't think that about anyone purely from the way they look. I'd observe how they treat others, if I saw them shouting and screaming at their young child I'd judge them for that.

It’s honestly not just the progressive elitist types who are non-judgmental (who I agree can be insufferable). I don’t care enough to judge others, and I honestly don’t have the time to, most days. I am getting on with my day and thinking about more important things.

If I see someone in piss stained pyjamas smelling of booze on the school run, I don’t expend any time or energy thinking anything about them - it’s none of my business.

I’d be interested to know how busy the people who are proudly declaring that they judge all the time are. All the really judgmental people I know are older and have crazy amounts of free time - I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

Yeah, this is me. I just don't care how other people choose to live. Probably because I've been judged so many times myself, mostly wrongly.

I'm 40 ish, two teenagers with various after school hobbies, a full time job and a husband that works full time. I also try and squeeze in some fun for myself when I have time.
I am neither old or lacking something to do.
Still plenty of time to make judgements though.

Where do find the energy to care this much about what other people do? I barely have enough time or energy to adequately organise my own life, let alone spend my limited resources in analysing the lives of random strangers.

And yes there are things I will judge, but I can't even imagine spending energy looking at other parents and considering how they dress or whatever when I'm in a rush to drop off the kids and get to work.

I think there is a difference between passing judgement and being judgemental. In that I pass judgement on people all the time but I try and and not be a judgemental person as to how I behave and treat people. I acknowledge the judgemental thought and then just try and not like that project at my behavior or attitude towards that individual.

I don't know what you mean about judgement coming from good vs bad places. Do you mean that your values, beliefs and worldview are good and other people's are bad? How do you judge which are the good places and which are the bad places, and why is that judgement coming from a good place?

Yet you care quite a bit about those terrible old people with too much free time, and those who take pride in judging all the time. Not that you're judging them, though, oh no...

Why do you think judgement involves some time consuming exercise of 'analysing the lives of random strangers'? When some white supremacist shoots up a church full of black people do you think it takes a lot of time and analysis to judge him?

Do you really not care when people torture babies? Or animals? That's 'how they choose to live' so you don't judge them? Or are people by any chance getting hung up on the morality of judging grotty pyjamas on the school run?

Everyone judges.

But not everyone turns to a public forum to start a bitch fest about whoever they’re judging.

I think that usually makes the poster come across as far worse than the person they’re slagging off.

Obviously I care if it's harming others 🙄 it's obvious that I'm talking about things like how people choose to dress/present themselves and what they watch on telly.

No it wasn't obvious. Most of OP's post is not about dress, clothes or telly.

On MN it seems to me there are two main groups when it comes to judgement. People who see awful behaviours and assume the person committing them is bad, irresponsible and stupid. And those who see the behaviours and wonder what that person is going through, has experienced in the past and why they are making these choices.

I fall into the latter camp. I don't choose to behave in the same ways and I am concerned about their effect on others, especially their children, but no I don't judge.

As for judging a person's choice of reading material- that's just plain bitchiness (so maybe I do judge sometimes!) It's possible to view it as 'that is not what I'd like to read but each to their own'

I'm loving the none judgers judging the judgers...nicely proving the point 😆

There are plenty of following posts that are, including one where a poster says people that watch reality TV or read certain books are stupid.

I judge people who believe behaviours are 100% innate and people who believe behaviours are 100% environmental as equally ignorant. Same for those who believe humans have complete free will and those who believe they have none. I also judge people who view the world through false binaries. But I hate postmodernism so I'm all in favour of reversing the anti-judgement cultural tide.

I would judge the dishevelled mother on the school run more if no one turned up
to collect her DC at all!

Of course everyone judges to an extent, we make split second observations based on our culture/life experiences etc. But I think we also know (hopefully, if we have self awareness!) that sometimes we get it wrong and there’s possibly more to the story than we see - I don’t think there’s any harm any evaluating that and wondering if we judged too harshly.

but I also think it’s quite bitchy when people start threads of judgements they’ve made and want everyone to join in and tell them yes, you’re neighbour is a lazy cow or yes, that mum at the school gates is unfit. I don’t really see why that serves anyone apart from trying to make yourself feel superior to people you deem beneath you. I judge that 😄

Like others have alluded to, the very one makes instant unconscious judgements about people. First impressions count and all that.

However, I like to think that when I meet people, I give them all an equal chance. I’ll be equally able to converse with the Royal leaving the carriage as the homeless man on the street.

once I get to know the essence of what makes them individuals, I’ll make further judgements of who I’d rather continue to build a friendship with and who I’d rather avoid.

I’ve got friends from a wide range of backgrounds - former addicts; university lecturers, scientists/researchers, people who work in supermarkets, people who watch reality tv, people who read instead of watching tv, people from all different religious backgrounds and ethnicities, and so on. However, I do have common ground with all these people - similar interests, similar sense of humour, similar parenting styles and so on.

I’d find it difficult to befriend someone who I couldn’t find common ground with, regardless of their background - there are mums who I actively avoided at the school gates; not because of their outward appearance, but because their chat was terrible.

I don’t think anyone would think the examples you cite are acceptable.