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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids party

25 replies

girlyjim · 07/10/2023 07:37

It's my child's birthday party today. One of my friends who rsvp'd yes for her two kids has just messaged on a group chat we're in saying she's going to some farm and wondering if anyone wants to join them? AIBU to message on the group saying "are you not coming to his party?" Or do it privately? Bloody pissed off tbh.

OP posts:

SophieJo · 07/10/2023 07:38

I’d do it on the group chat.

Hiddenvoice · 07/10/2023 07:38

I would message her privately and ask if she’s still able to attend your child’s party- sounds like she’s forgot about it.

Oysterbabe · 07/10/2023 07:39

Yanbu.
Last year we had 5 people drop out on the morning of DS's party. Fucked me right off.

ellesbellesxxx · 07/10/2023 07:40

I would say
“just getting everything ready for the party so won’t make it to the farm but can’t wait to see you at the party!”

ohsoso · 07/10/2023 07:40

yanbu.

we had three drop outs on the morning of DC party last week and one who just never bothered to show up then plastered Insta with photos of their day at the beach!

Dessertinthedesert · 07/10/2023 07:41

ellesbellesxxx · 07/10/2023 07:40

I would say
“just getting everything ready for the party so won’t make it to the farm but can’t wait to see you at the party!”

This is prefect.

Abfab63 · 07/10/2023 07:42

She must've forgotten. Reply in the group.

Hummingbird233 · 07/10/2023 07:42

They probably forgot.

I felt awful last year. My daughter was invited to a hall party. Said yes, very grateful, had the present etc.

Anyway, I decided to take her swimming one morning and as we were about to put our bags in the lockers I got a call from party mum asking if we were coming! I had completely forgotten. I felt really awful but wouldn't have for back in time had we left then and there.

People forget.

One thing I hate that everyone seems to do now is put invites on WhatsApp rather than physical invites I can put on the fridge and remember every morning as I get the milk out.

And then they don't remind us! My DD party is coming up in a few months and I'll be sending a reminder text two days before, saying I'm looking forward to seeing them there.

Sugarfree23 · 07/10/2023 07:46

I'd drop a message in the group chat about the party. Sorry can't go to the farm DC birthday party.

I think they have forgotten.

Original poster

girlyjim · 07/10/2023 07:47

Yeah I'm sure she's just forgotten. Ahhh it feels so awkward, I hate stuff like this! Will message now. Thanks all.

OP posts:

parietal · 07/10/2023 08:08

Ideally for a kids party, it is worth setting up a new WhatsApp group called 'DC party' and using it to send invites and reminders and (for older kids) people can coordinate lifts to and from the venue. Otherwise people will forget or lose the invite in a week of messages etc.

cosypompoms · 07/10/2023 08:14

Come back and tell us what happens op

bluebellsanddaisies23 · 07/10/2023 08:44

I'm invested! What did the friend say, OP? Sounds like she forgot. I had a lady turn up with her 2 DC an hour after my DC's party had finished! She was mortified but luckily I had a party bag to give to her children. It does happen, especially if people have busy lives.

Bluetrue · 07/10/2023 09:41

Hummingbird233 · 07/10/2023 07:42

They probably forgot.

I felt awful last year. My daughter was invited to a hall party. Said yes, very grateful, had the present etc.

People forget.

One thing I hate that everyone seems to do now is put invites on WhatsApp rather than physical invites I can put on the fridge and remember every morning as I get the milk out.

And then they don't remind us! My DD party is coming up in a few months and I'll be sending a reminder text two days before, saying I'm looking forward to seeing them there.

Have you heard of a calendar?

The party mum will have enough to do and continually chasing adults to remind them of a party is a lame excuse. Imagine it was your child.

Hummingbird233 · 07/10/2023 11:34

@Bluetrue what's a calendar? Please tell me more 🙄

I've held plenty of parties for my kids and always sent a reminder text. It takes less than 5 minutes and means more people will attend. It's really not hard or onerous.

People forget. That's not a lame excuse, that's life when you have multiple children and responsibilities and agreed to something weeks sometimes months ago.

If you want people to remember; remind them.

Oysterbabe · 07/10/2023 11:39

Hummingbird233 · 07/10/2023 11:34

@Bluetrue what's a calendar? Please tell me more 🙄

I've held plenty of parties for my kids and always sent a reminder text. It takes less than 5 minutes and means more people will attend. It's really not hard or onerous.

People forget. That's not a lame excuse, that's life when you have multiple children and responsibilities and agreed to something weeks sometimes months ago.

If you want people to remember; remind them.

A reminder is common, but you forgot IS a lame excuse and incredibly rude. Once you have accepted an invitation the onus is on you to honour that commitment.
We have a family calendar hung in the kitchen that we write stuff on.

Hummingbird233 · 07/10/2023 11:49

@Oysterbabe no, it's not an excuse. It's reality.

Are you saying people purposely forget?!

I've bought calendars before, it doesn't work for us. We both work with three kids with various needs and appointments. I don't even have time to update a calendar.

I put things in my phone. On this occasion, I forgot to put an alarm so whilst it was sat in my phone diary, I didn't remember.

Had I received a text the day before (again, takes parent 2 minutes to set up a WhatsApp group or use the one they put the invite on and remind parents) I would have remembered.

If people want everyone - with busy lives - to remember a party that was planned weeks ahead, they need to remind parents. Or at the very least, send out paper invites that can be put up in the house.

Bluetrue · 07/10/2023 12:32

Hummingbird233 · 07/10/2023 11:34

@Bluetrue what's a calendar? Please tell me more 🙄

I've held plenty of parties for my kids and always sent a reminder text. It takes less than 5 minutes and means more people will attend. It's really not hard or onerous.

People forget. That's not a lame excuse, that's life when you have multiple children and responsibilities and agreed to something weeks sometimes months ago.

If you want people to remember; remind them.

No, its still a lame excuse.

Oysterbabe · 07/10/2023 12:52

We both work with three kids with various needs and appointments. I don't even have time to update a calendar.

You don't have the time to write 'Party' on a calendar but plenty of time hang out and write long posts on Mumsnet.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 07/10/2023 13:12

I'm with the "get a calendar" brigade. If you need a reminder that it's Jimmy's party on Saturday at 3pm, you handle it. I've got my hands full actually organising the party.

I had this recently - a party of only six kids for my DD, and a mum of two (including one of DD's closest friends) forgot. I get that it happens but DD was understandably sad and a bit confused, and tbh I found it poor.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 07/10/2023 19:34

What happened in the end @girlyjim ?

Lovethatforyouhun · 07/10/2023 19:37

I don’t have time to type three words in a calendar but have time to argue on mumsnet…

Original poster

girlyjim · 07/10/2023 19:40

Sorry I haven't been back!

I messaged saying sorry we can't make the farm cause of the party and she replied saying sorry we can't make the party🤷‍♀️so I just left it and then I got another message saying they're staying local (we live about an hour away) because her husband is working today. So I personally think she forgot and was just scrambling for excuses!

Everyone else made it and it was a brilliant party so it's no bother really but I still feel abit gutted.

OP posts:

Dolly567 · 07/10/2023 20:00

This happened to me once I was mortified!
My calendar in the kitchen ended on a Saturday so when I looked I thought the party was the Sunday! Could have cried with shame.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 07/10/2023 20:32

Ah, bugger her. Sounds like she forgot as you said. Glad it went well!

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