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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Freaking out about taxis and Ubers all of a sudden

49 replies

palmtreees · 06/10/2023 21:21

For years and years while I lived in zone two london, I was constantly in Ubers late at night. No issues at all. I caught Ubers to the airport early in the morning, while it was dark. In the middle of the night, after having some drinks etc - all alone, no issues.

Then there were a couple of times I was abroad for work and took Ubers / taxis on my own in unfamiliar cities and started freaking out.

I've moved slightly out of town now. It's a suburb in london but very close to countryside.

I recently had to take an Uber at 4 am while it was dark to go to the airport and the driver took the country roads. He was driving at around 5-10 miles per hour around some very very rural bendy roads and I was absolutely terrified he was going to stop the car and kill me. I cannot describe how terrified I was. My husband, the idiot, fell right back to sleep as soon as I left, so I couldn't even call him. I did share my trip with him.

Anyway, I know it's irrational but I just cannot do this again I have another early flight coming up and I am considering driving myself and parking at the airport.

Last night I took an Uber from central london back home and I didn't feel scared at all or worried because all the roads were main roads and I knew them. The fear comes on when I'm in unfamiliar places and on very quiet roads.

Can anyone relate ?

I always share my location but I still just sit there terrified.

OP posts:
VesperLind · 06/10/2023 21:29

I wouldn’t use an Uber if you paid me. I only get in taxis alone during the day, and would prefer to use one from the local firm, pre-booked. Happy to get in a black cab in London (I don’t live there now).

LoveBluey · 06/10/2023 21:31

I hate taxis too. Ubers, black cabs, prebooked. I just hate being in someone else's car and the lack of control I feel. I always choose to drive and park whenever that is an option.

usernother · 06/10/2023 21:35

Don't use Uber. Use your local taxi firm. Easier to talk to someone. Request a female driver.

etiquettey · 06/10/2023 21:36

I usually use a trusted firm that I know are DBS checked. Doesn’t remove all the risk but I worry slightly less

I got an Uber by myself the other day and only later realised how stupid that was. It was a short distance but you are obviously vulnerable.

Frozenone · 06/10/2023 21:43

I hate getting taxis too now but I didn’t used to feel like this. There was a thread not long ago though and everyone piled on the OP saying she was ridiculous for being afraid to use taxis/Uber.

I shared an Uber recently after a meal out (around 10.30pm) and I was the last drop off. The driver had his phone mounted on the dashboard and it clearly/loudly announced to turn right, along with seeing the visual screen, and he turned left. I said excuse me you have to turn right and he got flustered and said no this is the right way, and I said it is not, I live around here and know the area. He did a U-turn but situations like this are what makes me feel jumpy and uncomfortable - could have been an innocent misunderstanding, or maybe he had other intentions.

theduchessofspork · 06/10/2023 21:43

It’s just anxiety. Maybe try CBT. As humans we don’t like being out of control (which is why some people on your flight were probably terrified while you had a nice nap), but it’s impossible to be fully in control of many situations.

In realty the chances of something happening are tiny, and realistically unless it’s a tiny firm and you know the drivers I am not sure a local cab company is very different.

You could certainly drive yourself, but the trouble about anxiety is it grows and you might find that if you allow this fear to develop too much, it leads to another and another - and before you know it your world has shrunk.

So - CBT is what I would do.

BTW why is your husband an idiot for going back to sleep?!

NoNoHellaNoNoHellaNoNo · 06/10/2023 21:45

Surely driving slowly on dark narrow winding country roads is common sense?

etiquettey · 06/10/2023 21:45

theduchessofspork · 06/10/2023 21:43

It’s just anxiety. Maybe try CBT. As humans we don’t like being out of control (which is why some people on your flight were probably terrified while you had a nice nap), but it’s impossible to be fully in control of many situations.

In realty the chances of something happening are tiny, and realistically unless it’s a tiny firm and you know the drivers I am not sure a local cab company is very different.

You could certainly drive yourself, but the trouble about anxiety is it grows and you might find that if you allow this fear to develop too much, it leads to another and another - and before you know it your world has shrunk.

So - CBT is what I would do.

BTW why is your husband an idiot for going back to sleep?!

Cos he should’ve been up to make sure she was alright.

MidnightOnceMore · 06/10/2023 21:47

I would use a proper taxi firm. You can make a call when you get in the cab too so the driver knows someone knows.

It's not an uncommon fear.

Frozenone · 06/10/2023 21:47

Just remembered that someone suggested as you get in the taxi to ring your DP, or someone else who you’ve pre-agreed to ring, and say “I’ve just got in the taxi, we’ll be 5-10 mins, can you put the kettle on as I really need a cuppa.” Then maybe some brief chit chat.

Share the car reg and make/colour. Might let a driver know someone is expecting you to arrive in a specific timeframe and could possibly be a deterrent 🤷‍♀️

panelbottle · 06/10/2023 21:53

Some of my friends live in Surrey & don't really like driving home from them at night. Some of the roads are so dark & empty whereas London there's just houses, people about, other cars etc

KrisAkabusi · 06/10/2023 21:53

Surely Ubers are safer than taxis. There's a complete record of your trip, what time everything happened, drivers details etc. None if which you get if you hail a taxi.

LumpyPumpkin · 06/10/2023 22:07

I always feel safer in an Uber than a regular taxi. With Uber I know the name of my driver, their rating, registration etc. I can share my trip details instantly with anyone. I have no idea why anyone would think a regular taxi is any safer .

The vast, vast majority of people don't get murdered. To be this anxious about it is not normal. I would recommend CBT to try and tackle this in case your anxiety starts manifesting elsewhere.

Original poster
palmtreees · 06/10/2023 22:08

BTW why is your husband an idiot for going back to sleep?!

Perhaps he's not an idiot for going back to sleep, but he also put his phone on silent.

So when I tried to call him as soon as I sat in the car, he didn't even pick up. I called and texted him so many times from the moment I got into the car and he never picked up his phone. I just think that's really careless.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 06/10/2023 22:09

I always use a local taxi firm

That way it's logged etc

Original poster
palmtreees · 06/10/2023 22:09

KrisAkabusi · 06/10/2023 21:53

Surely Ubers are safer than taxis. There's a complete record of your trip, what time everything happened, drivers details etc. None if which you get if you hail a taxi.

I prefer Ubers for this reason too.

OP posts:
Original poster
palmtreees · 06/10/2023 22:12

panelbottle · 06/10/2023 21:53

Some of my friends live in Surrey & don't really like driving home from them at night. Some of the roads are so dark & empty whereas London there's just houses, people about, other cars etc

Yes ! I live in a similar location. I'm just on the edge of all the dark roads. If they go one way, it's all normal, lit up and houses etc. the other way is all dark and scary.

I much prefer taxis in London.

OP posts:
PikachuChickenRice · 06/10/2023 22:15

I've had shit driving from both Ubers and 'proper' taxis cowboys the lot of them.
I always just tell them to drive gently as I claim to get carsick - tell them happy to tip for journey time - the prospect of sick all over the car is less appealing than being a speed demon.
I also do tip - put my money where my mouth is. Top reviews on Uber.

Original poster
palmtreees · 06/10/2023 22:17

PikachuChickenRice · 06/10/2023 22:15

I've had shit driving from both Ubers and 'proper' taxis cowboys the lot of them.
I always just tell them to drive gently as I claim to get carsick - tell them happy to tip for journey time - the prospect of sick all over the car is less appealing than being a speed demon.
I also do tip - put my money where my mouth is. Top reviews on Uber.

Edited

Ah I never really worry about how they're driving. More that they want to kill me..

Also, I always tip them at the end, when I'm still alive. But not sure what difference that makes..

OP posts:
tenbob · 06/10/2023 22:20

etiquettey · 06/10/2023 21:36

I usually use a trusted firm that I know are DBS checked. Doesn’t remove all the risk but I worry slightly less

I got an Uber by myself the other day and only later realised how stupid that was. It was a short distance but you are obviously vulnerable.

Uber drivers will be DBS checked

Btw, I recently had to get an Uber to wait on a side road for a friend who was getting in

After a few mins, I got an automated safety alert check in from Uber HQ who had noticed the car had stopped a distance from my destination
I think it was something on the app initially but I ignored it and then got a call from a person and had to confirm I was ok.

I think their safety features are pretty good, they are clearly using something that monitors vehicles in real time and flags up if it’s a stop longer than a cash point trip

PikachuChickenRice · 06/10/2023 22:21

palmtreees · 06/10/2023 22:17

Ah I never really worry about how they're driving. More that they want to kill me..

Also, I always tip them at the end, when I'm still alive. But not sure what difference that makes..

Show quote history

Oops I sorry misunderstood.

I don't mean to sound dismissive as this is psychological but very few murders take place in dark, rural bendy areas.

Especially as there's no place to hide on those narrow roads.
Sarah Everard , Sabina Nessa all kidnapped and murdered in the thick of London. The former in a place she was extremely familiar with not sure about the latter.

YANBU for feeling what you feel, you can't help it. But logically it makes very little sense.

Maybe try talking to the driver? Playing music? Don't know.

Talking to someone on the phone all the way until you get home?

EmmaEmerald · 06/10/2023 22:24

KrisAkabusi · 06/10/2023 21:53

Surely Ubers are safer than taxis. There's a complete record of your trip, what time everything happened, drivers details etc. None if which you get if you hail a taxi.

A registered taxi firm will do the same. I wouldn’t use Uber.

Candlelight34 · 06/10/2023 22:27

MidnightOnceMore · 06/10/2023 21:47

I would use a proper taxi firm. You can make a call when you get in the cab too so the driver knows someone knows.

It's not an uncommon fear.

Uber drivers hsve stringent checks done on them by tfl or similar organisations.
Full DBS checks etc.

For those who feel safer with black cabs, remember John Worboys?
Preying on women, druging and raping them.

Candlelight34 · 06/10/2023 22:29

coxesorangepippin · 06/10/2023 22:09

I always use a local taxi firm

That way it's logged etc

So are your trips with uber.

UndercoverCop · 06/10/2023 22:31

Levi bellfield drove a 'local taxi' and John Warboys a black taxi. I'm not sure why people think Ubers are less safe. Someone can track your journey in real time and it has the safety feature mentioned above where someone in their head office calls you if the Uber stops in an unplanned area. I'd use an Uber before I used a local taxi or a cab rank
You need to unpick OP what's changed for you at this is something you used to be comfortable with. I became more cautious when I had DC , I'd flown regularly before and never had a second thought, I have some irrational ones now whether he's with me or not. I know what's happening and I have strategies I use to manage it.