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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think most nearly 3 year olds would be able to answer this?

65 replies

Justtrytorelax · 06/10/2023 19:28

I’m getting slowly more concerned about my DS (2 years 10 months.) I have been worried for a while regarding his speech and language. He talks a lot but little makes sense.

To give an example today after nursery I noticed a bite on his shoulder. I asked who did it and he didn’t answer then said ‘yeah.’

Another example if you ask him if he feels unwell he will sometimes say yes but doesn’t understand what you mean I don’t think. He can’t say his ear hurts or he feels sick or whatever? I don’t know, I suppose I just assumed by almost 3 he’d be able to have conversations of sorts?

OP posts:

RubyRubyRubyRubay · 06/10/2023 20:04

He may just not understand 'who' questions so he's probably just hearing ' who bit you?', so the logical answer is 'yeah'. He is also very unlikely to have learnt the names of kids at nursery so he probably has no idea who but him.

Then 'who did you play with?' - he's interpreting as ' what did you play with' and the answer is 'cars'.

Parts of you hurting and 'who' questions need to be modelled. So if you hurt your finger, you need to make a thing of it ' ouch, I hurt my finger, and point at your finger, put a plaster on.

With the 'who' you can play games hiding teddy behind a cushion - who is behind the cushion? It's teddy! Then when you ask 'who' again, he'll know you are referring to a person other than himself.

I know it sounds very basic but he may have just missed a few of these things. There is SO much to learn!

Somuchgoo · 06/10/2023 20:04

Illness, yes, with quite a lot of clarity. But she was very articulate for her age. In doing so she possibly saved her life (2y 9m).

Me: are you ok?
Child: I feel poorly
Me: how do you feel poorly?
Child: my head is ouchy, and points to the side of her head.

It was a brain tumour which needed emergency surgery.

At that age she didn't know any names of friends though, so it would be a no to the first question.

Original poster

Justtrytorelax · 06/10/2023 20:06

That’s a really good point re who questions.

thanks @cakecoffeecakecoffee . That’s reassuring to me.

I think I’m just conscious of it as he moved up to preschool room in September at nursery and the other children seem far more articulate and advanced. One little girl was telling me about her birthday and what she wanted and her birthday is February so she’s younger than ds. Just makes you worry.

OP posts:

Original poster

Justtrytorelax · 06/10/2023 20:07

@Somuchgoo I hope ds doesn’t have that then, we’d never know!

OP posts:

mamaabooa · 06/10/2023 20:07

I don't think anything is wrong with your child.

My DD is 3 and a half now and has conversations.

At just 3 she wasn't really having full on conversations and that's really normal too. She talked a lot and told you a lot and clearly understood what she was being asked and told, just it wasn't a massive back and forth yet.

Now it's a great back and forth. They all do it in their own times not all just below 3 year old or even 3 year olds are having proper conversations where they answer questions and give elaborate answers. I don't think your child is behind, based on these examples.

Original poster

Justtrytorelax · 06/10/2023 20:10

Thanks so much. Yeah, ds never shuts up it’s just so random. It would be nice to be able to reason with him a bit and I feel like explanations to over his head! I’m probably treating him older then he is.

OP posts:

RubyRubyRubyRubay · 06/10/2023 20:10

Now that he's started nursery his language and communication will come on in leaps and bounds as pre-schoolers chatter away all day long!

and nursery staff are amazing with all the stories, songs, rhymes.

HMW1906 · 06/10/2023 20:11

My boy is 2y10m also. I’m not sure that he would be able to tell me who bit him.

If he was unwell or hurt somewhere I don’t think he’d verbally be able to say where it hurt other than saying leg or arm, he’d probably just point. He did tell me his mouth hurt the other day and I had to ask him to point know specifically where he meant (his back teeth on this occasion).

WillowCraft · 06/10/2023 20:12

Justtrytorelax · 06/10/2023 20:06

That’s a really good point re who questions.

thanks @cakecoffeecakecoffee . That’s reassuring to me.

That sounds very advanced for a 2.5 year old. Are you sure she isn't turning 4 in February?

dontbenastyhaveapasty · 06/10/2023 20:15

RockAndRollerskate · 06/10/2023 19:43

Totally normal… my 3yo tells me at least three girls in his class are called “poopy” because he doesn’t know their names.

He tells me absolutely nothing about his day. Sometimes they don’t want to be interrogated

😂yes, in this house, my 3yo’s choice of substitute word/ name is “poopoohead”

For absolutely everything.

Original poster

Justtrytorelax · 06/10/2023 20:19

No, they are all in the right academic year if that makes sense. That’s good she’s advanced rather than ds being behind, though!

OP posts:

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 06/10/2023 20:20

I couldn’t have got an answer from my dd1. Ask her now and she won’t shut up 😳

Beseen22 · 06/10/2023 20:21

My eldest was fully conversing before 2 but you wouldn't have a more sensible answer from him. Kids never want to answer about what they did at nursery/school for some reason. Plus they can identify that something is wrong but not where or what, its too complex at the minute. For example when DS was 4/5 he would say that his stomach was hot and then be sick. He didn't understand that he was nauseated.

My youngest is almost a year older than yours and is speech delayed and wouldn't be able to answer those questions. He has seen the speech and language therapist and the sounds by whatever age that they would expect are a lot later than social media would suggest. https://www.ghc.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/CLST-When_Children_Learn_Sounds.pdf

https://www.ghc.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/CLST-When_Children_Learn_Sounds.pdf

Geranium1984 · 06/10/2023 20:24

My 3y+2mo can have full conversations and has an excellent vocab but when I ask him what he had for lunch at preschool he says he doesn't know.

Superscientist · 06/10/2023 20:25

My 3y2m old is just starting to tell us if she is refluxing but only if prompted.
Last month she was ill she went into nursery one day and just curled up in a ball. I had just dropped her off and had kept her at home for breakfast trying to work out if she was ill but she didn't respond to "do you feel poorly" or similar.

I have a memory of having a UTI around aged 6 and I hadn't told my mum that it felt funny when I peed until the GP asked me. The conversation of "why did you tell me" afterwards with my mum has stuck in my mind!

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 06/10/2023 20:28

My son is 4 and a half and has autism and couldn't even answer a question in single words until this past year even though his vocabulary started expanding at 3, it was non-receptive language.

He is coming on in leaps and bounds with conversation now, but sounds like your son OP from when he was that age.

I'd ask for a referral personally.

BedtimeCuppa · 06/10/2023 20:30

My youngest couldn’t speak a single word until after her third birthday. At 4.5 now, you’d have no idea and she is scarily clever. Seriously, try not to worry too much. Maybe keep a diary of examples for the next six months but really (I’m a Mum of seven), I’d say that’s pretty standard.

Softnatural · 06/10/2023 20:33

Ds1 didn't really have any language until he was 3, he has decent A levels now.

Ds2 used to say he felt sick when he was tired until he was about 4yo. Currently at a RG uni

Boys are much later with language IME. I well remember applauding DS1 for saying "ball" only for his playmate, a girl a couple of weeks younger to say "where's the other ball?" 😆

glossypeach · 06/10/2023 20:37

My son is four next month and still can barely speak. He says a lot of words but it’s barely distinguishable unless you know him and know what he’s saying, such as myself who's with him 24/7. He often gets frustrated as he’s very intelligent and knows what he’s trying to say/communicate but cannot get it across. It was unfortunately never flagged at his last nursery so I thought things were fine and that children learn at different stages - but where he started his new nursery luckily they’re starting the process of speech therapy.

Hummingbird233 · 06/10/2023 20:43

My 6 yr old had a speech disorder. At 3, he could only make noises. But he was a great communicator in other ways, gestures and actions. He always knew what I meant and I knew what he meant. By 5 his speech was 90% understandable and now at 6 it's within normal.

Can your son follow instruction? Can he find his shoes? Pass the remote? Point to the red one? Put his ball under the table? Put his spoon on his plate? Those kind of things?

Have you referred him for speech and language therapy? Have you spoken to the health visiting team?

Alternatively, if you can afford it, I'd highly recommend a private speech therapist (as NHS has huge waiting lists).

Mushroomwithaview · 06/10/2023 20:50

There is no definitive answer to this OP.
One of my kids would have been giving a running commentary of her every thought, while another was barely able to say recognisable single words at that age. They're both developmentally average now.

If you think something is off, speak to a hcp about it. You know your child. You might just be worrying about nothing, and you will be reassured to have some answers.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/10/2023 20:53

My 6 year old can't reliably say where hurts. I don't think they can pinpoint pain that accurately. She told me her ears were sore and she had a headache when she had tonsillitis (I think those things were true but her tonsils would have been extremely painful and she never mentioned her throat). She is doing fine at school

Tryingtohelp12 · 06/10/2023 20:53

at that age my son couldn’t. He was probably about 4 when he could tell me hiss ear hurt. He’s recently been diagnosed with receptive language disorder. He has good vocabulary but can really struggle to process questions and answer them appropriately.

my daughter is 2.5. She could answer these questions but maybe need prompts e.g. who did you play with today? Silence. Prompt: Bella? Response: no not Bella, Hudson. Etc etc.

WimbyAce · 06/10/2023 20:56

I think they vary hugely at this age. My eldest was talking very early and could have proper conversations with her very early on. Youngest is totally different, she took a long time to say any words and it's only recently at 3.5 that we have proper chats as such. She surprises us quite a lot with sentences she suddenly comes out with as she didn't before. I wouldn't be hugely concerned.

Nevermind31 · 06/10/2023 20:57

Speak to nursery. Mine couldn’t at 3, and we thought that he was just not as advanced as his brother (who would give very detailed facts about his favourite dinosaurs at that age). But nursery actually raised with us that they thought his language was behind, they then worked with the borough’s senco, who referred us to a language specialist. Language specialist agreed and referred to school (by that point he was about to start school). We did a lot of work around comprehension. Trust your gut, better to start intervention early so that by school age, he will be able to keep up (mine received a daily 15 min 1:1 intervention in Reception and by year 1 is where he should be for phonics, writing etc).

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