Ex butting into present

[Eastendersss]

My daughter has just graduated and also completed some professional exams and is starting her first new job . As a present I said I would treat her to a city break abroad , booked flights and chose hotel . She came home and said her dad now arranged for her to stay with his friend and family 20 min outside town . Aibu to feel my present has been hijacked , she didn’t ask to stay there and wouldn’t upset her dad but I feel I am now paying for her to stay at his friends .

Tell Ex no, I’ve booked the hotel.

How weird and controlling!

Surely your dd would rather have a nice hotel in the city than stay with some randoms out of it?

Unless your daughter wants to stay with the friends, just continue with your own plan.

She feels she has to now . I am just so angry that he had butted in .

I'd be very pissed off. He just wants to have everyone think he did this when he actually did feck all. I can see why he is an ex. It's not even as good a present now.

Oops it’s been cancelled .. book elsewhere. He’s a freeloader getting in her trip that you’ve paid for.

Can there be some issue with the flights or the day she can travel that means you have to change the location? You were probably naive picking a place he had friends. He is a wanker by the way.

Yes, I'd be angry with him.

But you really mustn't leave your DD as piggy in the middle

Who was she going with? Are they included in this invitation? If so, then I think they need to go along with it and you need to encourage them to have a wonderful trip.

If she was going solo, then I think his gesture takes on a rather different aspect, because it seems more like a kindness (however much you don't want that) rather than an interference

Let her know that if that's her choice that's fine and that you and she will go somewhere else on another date, but that you'll be cancelling both your flights so she'll have to let him know to rebook another flight.

Why does she feel ok letting you down but not him? Guessing because he's been a controlling git all her life but she could do with being alert to that sort of behaviour from anyone, family, friend or partner so maybe try and talk to her about it.

Absolutely. Do not let him ruin your present

She is going on her own , but she was very happy to do so .

I can’t cancel as it will cost me the flight money .

Say hotel is already booked and it is central rather than out of town, which means she will be able to get around on foot rather than having to work out public transport or pay for Ubers. (I doubt ex has offered the costs of transport)

Ah. I was under the impression you were also going. In which case isn't staying with her dad and people who know the city well a better option than going by herself (I'd suspect she would prefer to be with people too tbh, maybe doesn't want to admit that to you as you only offered for her to go by herself?). Presumably he'll/they'll also treat her to meals and spending money?

It’s not with her dad , it’s her dads friend .

Well I don't know your dd obviously but wouldn't most young people prefer to have the company of someone who can eat out with them, show them the real city rather than the tourist bits?

If she genuinely would prefer to be alone cant she stay with them one night, then do her own thing given the hotel is in the centre?