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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not defending my wife when she got yelled by her sister?

30 replies

BroxbourneIdentity · 06/10/2023 18:20

Hello Mumsnet users, I am not a mum rather a husband looking for some opinions and perspectives from other women.

DW and one of SIL (both very temperamental women) are fighting over really petty stuff that escalated (both are wrong imho) things got heated and they were involved in a shouting match. The aftermath was DW accusing me of not defending her when she got yelled (eventhough she was just as loud) and left her to her own devices?

I will defend DW from anyone being disrespectful towards her but not when it's a disagreement with HER family (all whom I get along fine) like do I have to be involved in their drama that has nothing to do with me/I have no particular opinion about?

Thanks in advance for your input!

OP posts:
Fizzadora · 06/10/2023 18:23

Not at all mate. Keep out of it otherwise they will gang up on you and it will be all your fault.

ManateeFair · 06/10/2023 18:24

Absolutely YANBU and your wife sounds like hard work.

I'd expect my partner to back me up if a) it was an important conversation with actual consequences and he agreed with my side of the argument and/or b) someone was treating me in a way that was essentially bullying. I definitely wouldn't expect him to get involved in a stupid slanging match with a sibling over some petty bullshit he had no interest in.

Desecratedcoconut · 06/10/2023 18:25

No. Fuck that shit for a game of soldiers.

Soontobe60 · 06/10/2023 18:27

Doesn’t everyone have a temperament?
It’s good that you could identify that they were both in the wrong though.

strawberry2017 · 06/10/2023 18:27

Stay out of it, because when they inevitably make friends you will end up the bad guy for standing up to her sister and will probably forever be held against you.

stayathomer · 06/10/2023 18:32

Agreed that it’s more likely in a few weeks this will come back on you from both your wife and her family!!!

dothehokeycokey · 06/10/2023 18:33

Stay out of it and tell
Your wife that your not getting involved in petty sibling drama because that's what it is.

Theyl make up and then youl be the bad guy so stay out of it is my best advice

spidermonkeys · 06/10/2023 18:39

If I was arguing with my sister I would be furious if my DH got involved tbh. My sister and I can argue between ourselves but I would absolutely never have anyone else shout at her !

RedSquirrelsRock · 06/10/2023 18:41

You did the right thing by staying out of it.

theduchessofspork · 06/10/2023 18:42

spidermonkeys · 06/10/2023 18:39

If I was arguing with my sister I would be furious if my DH got involved tbh. My sister and I can argue between ourselves but I would absolutely never have anyone else shout at her !

Quite

Stay out

Point out she can handle herself fine and you wouldn’t dream of getting btwn the two of them.

LakeTiticaca · 06/10/2023 18:46

You did the right thing. Never intervene between warring women. You will come off worst 😉😉

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 06/10/2023 18:47

YANBU at all

momonpurpose · 06/10/2023 18:47

Fizzadora · 06/10/2023 18:23

Not at all mate. Keep out of it otherwise they will gang up on you and it will be all your fault.

Absolutely this. Stay out of it or you'll be the bad guy.

MorrisWallpaper · 06/10/2023 18:53

How sweet of you to confirm they were both wrong. It’s excellent to have a man around for the important stuff, like adjudicating in yell offs. Meanwhile those temperamental gals will just keep yelling away in their shrill gendered wrongness while you look on, shaking your head because you’re not ‘temperamental’.

nobodysdaughternow · 06/10/2023 18:53

It doesn't have to be 'support' in the form of agreement or disagreement though op.

I would tell dh to take some time to calm down and offer to take him home.

TolkiensFallow · 06/10/2023 19:29

NEVER get between rowing siblings!

You aren’t unreasonable!

MussoKn · 06/10/2023 23:39

If it had been YOUR sister she was arguing with, then you would have needed to take a stand one way or another. But it's her family, so she needs to defend herself.

However, you can be supportive by allowing her to vent in private or encouraging her to remove herself from the situation if she needs to.

SausageAndEggSandwich · 06/10/2023 23:42

Why are all these men suddenly posting on here and asking about disputes with their wives?

Something doesn't smell right to me.

I've seen more threads started by men this week than I ever have. I'm generally quite unobservant so if I'm noticing something....

Millybob · 06/10/2023 23:43

Keep out of it. Go to the pub.

ThelmaBorden · 06/10/2023 23:54

Is anyone here old enough to remember the Beverley Sisters signature song,
Sisters
(which was originally from the Bing Crosby film White Christmas )

PlantDoctor · 06/10/2023 23:59

Very wise!

JudgeJ · 07/10/2023 00:00

MussoKn · 06/10/2023 23:39

If it had been YOUR sister she was arguing with, then you would have needed to take a stand one way or another. But it's her family, so she needs to defend herself.

However, you can be supportive by allowing her to vent in private or encouraging her to remove herself from the situation if she needs to.

Why do some women expect their husbands to always 'support ' them, ie pretend to always agree, how wet these women are.

JudgeJ · 07/10/2023 00:03

ThelmaBorden · 06/10/2023 23:54

Is anyone here old enough to remember the Beverley Sisters signature song,
Sisters
(which was originally from the Bing Crosby film White Christmas )

Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister,
And Lord help the sister who comes between me and my man.

Definitely old enough to remember it!

OrigamiOwl · 07/10/2023 00:16

Absolutely don't get between 2 sisters in an argument... You will not come out at the winner there. Wouldn't touch the idea with a bargepole.

Mariposista · 07/10/2023 00:27

Two grown women hollering at each other like fish wives? How common. I’d be down the pub (or the solicitors)