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AIBU?

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Friends almost 30 years

12 replies

Brokebuthappy25 · 06/10/2023 14:20

My friend and I have been friends for almost 30, since the start of primary school. During our childhood, she claimed me as her best friend and wouldn't let other children play with me (i was very shy and kind of just went with it). She ruined every birthday party I had by acting out as she was upset the attention was on me and not her.

Fast forward to our teens, she stopped talking to me for over 2 years and I had no idea why. She would not reply to my messages and stayed away from me. When we rekindled our friendship she said it was because she didnt like my boyfriend (who was now an ex). She became friends with me again once we broke up.

Now we are adults, grown up, both married with children. I'm godmother to her kids (who I adore), but there are times when she will go months with no contact, then act like I'm the one who doesnt bother, even though I always send the first text or suggest to meet up.
I am currently pregnant after a miscarriage last year. Due to the miscarriage, me and my husband decided to keep the pregnancy between the two of us until after the first scan. We had a healthy 12 week scan and started telling close friends and family. Anyway, I sent her the scan photos with a quick message. And she sent a "congratulations " text back, no conversation attached, and just 1 "x", which sounds pathetic but that is code that she is pissed off with me about something.
I feel I've been pandering to her my whole life and that's the only reason why we are still friends. She thinks nothing of cutting people out of her life, she hasnt spoke to her brother in 2 years (they were really close), shes cut so many friends out of her life for such pathetic reasons. So.. should I pander to her or just let her have a little tantrum and ignore her, potentially never seeing her or her kids again? I feel it's a bit late in the day to keep worrying about her and what I may have done wrong.... I have enough issues in life. What's everyones opinion?

OP posts:
meganorks · 06/10/2023 14:26

She sounds hard work. I think I just wouldn't responded or get in contact again. If she wants to, she can make the effort. Don't pander to her in anyway. Make her make the effort. And if she doesn't, don't stress it. You have your own stuff going on.

WinterDeWinter · 06/10/2023 14:27

She's some kind of narcissist and you will never have a normal relationship with her - cut your losses now.

Jennalong · 06/10/2023 14:30

Ignore and find some new friends. Don't be available to her. Congratulations for your pregnancy.

MissMillyFluff · 06/10/2023 14:30

You don't need people like her in your life bringing you down. It doesn't matter how long ago you became friends. I was in a similar situation and ditched the so called friend, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Get rid. x

BadBarry · 06/10/2023 14:35

It sounds a bit like you tip toe around her from what you've written, sounds like you may have outgrown her and are ready to move on.
If you didn't see her again would you feel relieved or sad?

WhatNoRaisins · 06/10/2023 14:38

I do get the value of a friend you've known since childhood and a long period of shared memories but she doesn't sound like a nice person. I wouldn't blame you for moving on from this friendship.

Brokebuthappy25 · 06/10/2023 14:38

Tbh I would feel relieved in a way but I love her children to bits. I love her too but she is hard work. I have another really close friend who moved away 10 years ago, came back a few months ago, we had coffee and meeting up again next week to take the kids out, easy and simple.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 06/10/2023 14:39

My opinion is she's not worth it and probably never was.
I'd walk away.

Sloth66 · 06/10/2023 14:41

Friends make your life better not worse. you are treading on eggshells round her. I’d be looking for decent friends, she isn’t one

PyramusandThisbe · 06/10/2023 14:42

Why do you feel you are worth so little that you tiptoe around this woman, who doesn't sound as if she's ever been that nice to you?

Why would you even contemplate pandering to her? Just continue not to notice and go about your life. Presumably if she feels you held out on her about your pregnancy news, she will eventually have to come out and say so, if you don't go rushing to her, cap in hand, begging to know what you did wrong, and you can raise an eyebrow and ask why she's not respecting your decision to keep schtum till a scan after a miscarriage.

Is anyone really worth this drama?

Brokebuthappy25 · 06/10/2023 14:58

I agree, but I dont even know if it is the baby announcement that shes annoyed with. She never communicates her annoyances or confronts me about anything, I'm always left guessing and assuming.
I probably wouldn't have noticed but I've started noticing how she treats her other friends the last few years and family members

OP posts:
Duckypond · 06/10/2023 15:43

This is your opportunity drop her, don’t miss it.

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