AIBU or is there a reason to be concerned about this mum friend's behaviour

[MumOfTheNorth]

I'm really not sure if I'm just being judgemental and unsympathetic or if there is an issue here.

I'm in a mum baby group and the six of us have become very good friends but one mum in the group makes me really uncomfortable.

From the start she has said what I consider horrible things about her baby; e.g, I should never of had her, she's useless, she thinks I'm a bitch, I can't stand her, I hate being with her, etc

She has also said she has shouted at her multiple times. When we're together the baby will do normal baby things like coo and gurgle and she'll say something like 'she cries like this all day, isn't she dramatic.'

One time she said she thought she might have hurt the baby if her other half didn't WFH and I was completely at a loss as to what to say.

I don't want to leave the group as I really like the other mum's and also think this mum probably needs all the support she can get but I can't help feeling terribly sorry for this baby and worried for her future.

You don’t need to leave the group. Has anyone asked if she’s ok? She sounds potentially quite unwell.

If you have safeguarding concerns- and emotional neglect/ abuse is a category- you could call the NSPCC anonymously for advice.

I'd report her

I'd ring your health visitor or children's services and just raise some concerns about her. It sounds like she has PND and needs support.

I'd try and arrange to meet her separately if possible for a coffee and have a chat with her, and encourage her to go to her GP.

I'd be worried about this too. I'm not one of those Mumsnetters who clutches their pearls when someone describes their child as a twat or something, but I think it's probably a sign that something's not right if she's saying that she can't stand her baby, hates having her around and thinks she would hurt her if her DH wasn't around. It sounds as if she's mentally unwell - post-natal depression or even borderline post-natal psychosis. Have you discussed this with the other mums in the group? Surely they must also find it worrying?

So I'm really tempted to ask other mum's opinions but haven't wanted to look bitchy. I believe authorities are already involved as she made similar comments to health visitor who reported her. She did mention having depression once and I said oh like postnatal depression and she snapped at me and said it wasn't postnatal and that anyone would be depressed in her situation, that being a mum is depressing. Since then I've been very careful what I say. I feel like as a group we do try to gently suggest things but I feel like she just wants us to agree with her and validate her behaviour.

If services are already involved, personally I would make contact with them and share what’s happened because it might make a difference to know, she said it to more than one person, but the inevitable fallout of that is that they may well tell her that you have told them this and name you, and if your other friends decide to turn on you you’ll be out of the group. You will be able to discuss this with the social worker before you put in your formal statement so if you get to that point and you decide it’s not worth it, you could then retract what you’re saying . I’ve had to do the same thing to my own sister and lost contact with my nieces as a result (and ultimately they were not safeguarded because systems do not work well a lot of the time)
I’s not easy, but this is a major red flag. The baby is helpless and mum may be completely unwilling to accept that she needs to change. I’d be considering if there’s anyway, you can support her partner to be honest. I doubt there’s anything you can do in terms of supporting her to change what she is doing, this is quite extreme behaviour and she’s not asking for help.
It sounds like People I’ve known with BPD to me. Feel very sorry for that child, there’s no easy way through this.
:(

so sorry, I’ve only just realised how old this thread is, I hope things worked out okay