School mums party invite politics

Whattherass · 2023-10-06T08:55:10+00:00

Please tell me if I'm being pathetic or not 😂 My son gave out his party invitation last week and he didn't want a pair of twins at his party he said they are too "rough" this isn't the first time I've heard this from another parent, my son used to be friends with the twins and to my knowledge I thought he wanted to invite them. Since last week the mother of the twins has given me dirty looks and now doesn't say hello slumped the children's bags next to me and walked off, I can't believe school mums could be so petty I do feel abit bad as I thought my son wanted to invite them, he wrote a list of the friends he wanted to invite. AIBU??!!

CurlewKate · 06/10/2023 09:57

Don't hand out invitations to parties that aren't whole class ones in front of everyone.

Original poster

Whattherass · 06/10/2023 10:00

CurlewKate · 06/10/2023 09:57

Don't hand out invitations to parties that aren't whole class ones in front of everyone.

That still doesn't justify a grown 45 year old woman acting like a child because her children didn't get invited to a party, I'm sure my little one hasn't been invited to parties he doesn't get upset and I certainly wouldn't be giving dirty looks to the parents.

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/10/2023 10:02

It doesn’t, but people are like that.

Did you invite most other children except the twins? It’s better to invite less than half the class if you’re not going to invite all.

Original poster

Whattherass · 06/10/2023 10:04

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/10/2023 10:02

It doesn’t, but people are like that.

Did you invite most other children except the twins? It’s better to invite less than half the class if you’re not going to invite all.

His year is split into two classrooms, he invited five children from each class.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 06/10/2023 10:05

You were surprised he didn’t invite them, she was surprised and possibly hurt. There have been several threads from parents in her position this week. Since when did being 45 mean you don’t feel upset on behalf of your young children?

She may be giving you dirty looks, you may be feeling a bit defensive and assuming she’s being off with you.

CurlewKate · 06/10/2023 10:05

"That still doesn't justify a grown 45 year old woman acting like a child because her children didn't get invited to a party,"

No. But maybe her children are acting like children. So-don't do it!

mindutopia · 06/10/2023 10:07

Were they the only ones not invited? If so, I can see how she might feel hurt. Not an excuse to be rude though. My dd had a friend early in primary school, who was genuinely a close friend best I could tell. Friend would regularly invite her over for playdates and she would come to ours. When friend's birthday rolled around, she was allowed 2 friends over for a party. There were 4 girls in the class (small school). She invited the 2 other girls and my dd wasn't invited. It was just one of those things. Her parents set a number and she had to choose and either way someone would have been left out. But it did leave a bad taste for the parents after that as I thought it was a bit unkind, as all the girls knew who was invited and who wasn't. But it is what it is. If it's not a whole class party though and there are other children not invited, it's just one of those things though. At a point, friend groups do start getting smaller.

Mothership4two · 06/10/2023 10:08

@mindutopia

Were they the only ones not invited?

His year is split into two classrooms, he invited five children from each class.

MrsBobo · 06/10/2023 10:09

@Whattherass

No, I have to agree with the OP here. School mums are so petty.
My son was one of the only ones not invited to another childs party (as he's not overly social), but I didn't act like a dick about it. He's been invited to plenty others.

But I've seen parents not invite other children, and my goodness, the mums really need to grow up.

Savourycrepe · 06/10/2023 10:09

I don’t think you can claim to be hurt about being snubbed, when you were the one who didn’t invite them! It’s understandable for her and her children to be hurt when someone they thought was their friend doesn’t see them the same way.

Unfortunately, it’s hard for parents to stay friends if the kids no longer want to play together.

Mothership4two · 06/10/2023 10:10

YANBU OP

Her twins may be upset, but, if she is being as obvious as you think, she needs to grow up

madamreign · 06/10/2023 10:10

Who cares? The woman's obviously a twit.

It's a kids party!

CurlewKate · 06/10/2023 10:14

"School mums are so petty."

Yes- they're not like other mums, are they, those "school mums"? Not like you and me!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Original poster

Whattherass · 06/10/2023 10:15

MrsBobo · 06/10/2023 10:09

@Whattherass

No, I have to agree with the OP here. School mums are so petty.
My son was one of the only ones not invited to another childs party (as he's not overly social), but I didn't act like a dick about it. He's been invited to plenty others.

But I've seen parents not invite other children, and my goodness, the mums really need to grow up.

Yes my son had the same last year, the whole class was invited except him and two others, he wasn't bothered and neither was I. It's life

OP posts:

curaçao · 06/10/2023 10:17

Did they invite him?

Original poster

Whattherass · 06/10/2023 10:17

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/10/2023 10:05

You were surprised he didn’t invite them, she was surprised and possibly hurt. There have been several threads from parents in her position this week. Since when did being 45 mean you don’t feel upset on behalf of your young children?

She may be giving you dirty looks, you may be feeling a bit defensive and assuming she’s being off with you.

I completely understand if she is upset but we can all be adults and mature the dirty looks are not needed, I am a young parent and I would never act in such way towards another parent or child if my son didn't get invited to a party.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whattherass · 06/10/2023 10:18

madamreign · 06/10/2023 10:10

Who cares? The woman's obviously a twit.

It's a kids party!

I care because my son is also on the spectrum and something has definitely happened for him to say the twins are "rough"

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Mumof2teens79 · 06/10/2023 10:25

Wow, your son sounds incredible not to get upset if not invited to a party when others were.
Most adults I know would be internal upset even if they didn't show it....unless they really dislike the party or the people.

Everyone I know has had to comfort an upset child over not being invite....in continues into teen parties and I have also had work bullying cases raised over it!

If you were surprised I am sure she was too and they were.....often kids don't make great decisions or for good reasons. I used to encourage my kids to not just pick their current BFs or the most popular kids, but long term friends even if they weren't close at that time, and anyone who had recently invited DD where possible. (Obviously if there was a major falling out or tension we didn't do that)

You said 5 from each class....how many left out per class? Is it an unusual set up as would be unusual to go beyond classroom boundaries unless there was a preexisting or external friendship? Just seems very evenly split.

Graciebobcat · 06/10/2023 10:31

Just ignore her, what a numpty. If you'd only left her kids out she may have a point, but you invited ten children and don't have to invite everyone.

Another win is that your son will likely not be invited to their party, so you won't have to buy two presents at once.

Original poster

Whattherass · 06/10/2023 10:38

No the funny thing is last year the twins had a party at home with a few friends, my son didn't get an invite and the mother was talking about it infront of me to another parent, I did feel upset for my son but didn't show it and certainly didn't take it to heart.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whattherass · 06/10/2023 10:43

Graciebobcat · 06/10/2023 10:31

Just ignore her, what a numpty. If you'd only left her kids out she may have a point, but you invited ten children and don't have to invite everyone.

Another win is that your son will likely not be invited to their party, so you won't have to buy two presents at once.

Edited

Exactly!! 😅

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loveulotslikejellytots · 06/10/2023 10:45

Does she know that only a few are invited?

Only DD's birthday last year, one of the mums (very nicely) asked why her dd wasn't invited when the whole class was. Turns out her dd had told her Mum she was the only one not invited, when in actual fact dd had only invited 6 out of 27 as it was a pottery painting place and not a party in a hall situation. She was fine when I explained but her dd told her mum a very different story!

Original poster

Whattherass · 06/10/2023 10:49

Mumof2teens79 · 06/10/2023 10:25

Wow, your son sounds incredible not to get upset if not invited to a party when others were.
Most adults I know would be internal upset even if they didn't show it....unless they really dislike the party or the people.

Everyone I know has had to comfort an upset child over not being invite....in continues into teen parties and I have also had work bullying cases raised over it!

If you were surprised I am sure she was too and they were.....often kids don't make great decisions or for good reasons. I used to encourage my kids to not just pick their current BFs or the most popular kids, but long term friends even if they weren't close at that time, and anyone who had recently invited DD where possible. (Obviously if there was a major falling out or tension we didn't do that)

You said 5 from each class....how many left out per class? Is it an unusual set up as would be unusual to go beyond classroom boundaries unless there was a preexisting or external friendship? Just seems very evenly split.

So he has friends in both classes and they have been changed every year since reception, I did encourage him to invite the twins but he was pretty Adamant he didn't want them to come.

OP posts:

Ella31 · 06/10/2023 14:48

Surely if he wasn't invited to the twins party, there must be another reason the mother is upset?