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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To charge my non working adult child lodge?

23 replies

BettyBunMaker · 05/10/2023 23:07

My adult child still lives at home. They aren't currently working due to a health condition so receive lwrca. Is it unreasonable to charge them lodge? We don't need too, but I feel they need to learn to budget and that adults have to pay their way. I'll probably stick it in a savings account to give back to them at a later stage but they won't know this.

OP posts:

Londonscallingme · 05/10/2023 23:10

No, I wouldn’t do this unless I needed to, given they are not working due to a health condition. Are you suggesting this because you have reason to think they are not responsible enough with money?

MilesAndMilesOfLights · 05/10/2023 23:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ellyoctober · 05/10/2023 23:13

What is lodge?

Whatever it is, unfair to charge anything to an unwell offspring.

tennine · 05/10/2023 23:14

Weird replies.

Adults need to pay to live, even unwell ones.

XenoBitch · 05/10/2023 23:16

That seems a reasonable thing to do. If your child was not living with you, their LCWRA payment would be used for their bills etc anyway.

RaininSummer · 05/10/2023 23:17

Yes. Adult children shouldn't have over 600 pounds disposable income whilst not paying towards this housing and food costs.

Createausername1970 · 05/10/2023 23:20

I think it is reasonable.

My son gets PIP for daily living and I help him budget. Basically he pays one third into the family pot, one third into his savings and he keeps one third.

I personally have chosen to do jobs with less hours over the years to be around a bit more for him and as a result money is a bit tighter, so now he has a bit of money each month I think it's fair he puts his share in. Plus PIP is to allow him to pay for support, amongst other things, so me ferrying him around and being on hand to assist, kind of fits that.

But actually, he WANTS to contribute his bit. I know some don't, but he says it makes him feel good about himself.

He also gets UC and that pays for his driving lessons, £250 a month which I was originally paying for.

We don't have a bottomless pit of money, so I think it's reasonable that adult children do consider what they "cost" and make an affordable contribution where possible.

Zwicky · 05/10/2023 23:22

How old, how much do they get, what is it supposed to cover, is it long term and what are their plans for the future?

if they have a temporary condition but have plans such as moving away to work or study that they need to save for then I wouldn’t. If it’s likely to be a long term arrangement then I would.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/10/2023 23:24

I think it's depends on whether they are completely wasting the money. If they are then, yes I would take some. If they're not then I wouldn't.

ballotspoiler · 05/10/2023 23:29

If you're asking them to contribute, are you talking about an amount to cover food and bills? Because that would be totally reasonable (and they should offer!!). If they do this already and you're thinking about a kind of rent on top, then no, that would be unreasonable.

Bouncyball23 · 05/10/2023 23:42

This is a dick comment!
Yes she choose to have them but that doesn't mean at adult age they get everything for free.

We don't know his illness so take that into account, will he one day beable to live alone if so then yes I would charge and put into savings for him.

Original poster

BettyBunMaker · 05/10/2023 23:49

Yes to 'help' towards food, bills etc, accept I will put it into savings as we don't actually need a contribution and will return it at some point when it will be useful for them, but i feel they should still 'pay their way' now they're an adult. They have ME.

OP posts:

ballotspoiler · 05/10/2023 23:55

I think you're right, especially if they haven't already offered.

PosterBoy · 06/10/2023 00:02

The money is for their food, bills, transport, daily living costs but not their rent. Asking for rent would be unfair because they don't qualify for a rent payment but asking them to pay for their own food is hardly unreasonable. Really they should have offered. What are they actually spending the money on if not food and bills?

CrazyHamsterLady · 06/10/2023 00:03

YANBU and it’s not a ‘dick move’ as a PP has suggested. Yes, your adult child has a health condition that means they can’t work but they presumably receive benefits which should partly be spent on housing. They have to learn to budget.

healthadvice123 · 06/10/2023 00:05

Im charging my 18 &20 year old a modest amount and putting most in savings( which they don’t know) and keeping £10 each towards food etc
they are now adults and with that comes adult responsibilities, mumsnet will often bring out the how dare you charge your child etc, but they are an adult and life costs, even taking just a small nominal amount is something.

Original poster

BettyBunMaker · 06/10/2023 00:06

Not much @posterboy as they don't go out. They buy the odd crafty item or clothes/pjs. Birthday/Xmas gifts.

OP posts:

healthadvice123 · 06/10/2023 00:07

Why do people on here mix up when parents say charging rent they mean towards bills and food etc not like a rental agreement, is just called rent, keep etc

Dotcheck · 06/10/2023 00:10

How old are they?
I would feel differently about an 18 year old vs a 26 year old

caringcarer · 06/10/2023 00:55

I think your adult DC will benefit from paying lodge to you. You can show DC various bills so they learn what needs to be paid. My adult DS moved into his own home about 2 month's ago and we found out just our electricity has gone down by £130 pcm. Our gas has gone down by about £25 pcm, water down too and I'm buying far less food as he used to take a packed lunch every day too. He used to pay me £300 pcm and that included Virgin TV in his room, Sky Sports, BT Sport's, Sky movies no one else wants except he liked it, a ridiculously fast internet speed he always said he liked that now we're stuck with for a further 17 months and his phone contract included with Virgin internet package and we bought him a tale away on Friday nights when we had one. If your child gets the payment and UC and PIP he should be paying towards things. If he just keeps saving his money up once he reaches £8k he will no longer be eligible for UC or means tested benefit.

Allaboard209 · 06/10/2023 07:18

I'd be careful that the effect of charging might make them feel unwelcome in the family home, which might make them look at moving out. I would never want them to feel unwelcome or that they couldn't rely on me as their parent, even as an adult.

Teach them about budgeting and saving, to set them up for good practices now and later on. If you do take the money, maybe think of a way to tell them you are saving it for them for later.

A person who tends to waste their money won't stop wasting it just because they are charged.

it is a difficult balance that is not an easy answer for any parent.

FloofCloud · 06/10/2023 07:22

I'd take a portion, maybe a third, and put away so they can hopefully save so they'd have money to be more independent.

I think we'll have this with our eldest as she's ASD and has complex needs, she's only 15 now but will need to have assistance in future somehow
Good luck

PosterBoy · 06/10/2023 07:25

healthadvice123 · 06/10/2023 00:07

Why do people on here mix up when parents say charging rent they mean towards bills and food etc not like a rental agreement, is just called rent, keep etc

It's because people don't say they are charging for food and bills, they say they are charging rent ... or lodge ....

When you rent a house it usually doesn't come with free food.

At that age it's quite reasonable for a person to buy their own and cook separately - it's what I did. But if that isn't happening then food still has to be paid for by someone. The government doesn't give people money to fund hobbies. They do however give them additional money for rent if they are paying it, which is why it's not fair to ask for that imo.

Bills I always think is different - should they pay their % eg half - or just the difference they cost? Eg council tax might involve no additional cost or 25%, not 50%. Daily charges for utilities don't change and are a high % of bills. So whether you charge for bills or not is debatable.

But food ... for sure ....

Flip