Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To expect school to do a bit more than shrug this off??

22 replies

confusedanonn · 05/10/2023 19:51

At the start of the week my yr 7 son was picked up by his arms and legs in the playground and lifted up by a group of older boys then dropped to the ground (he said it winded him) and when he got up he realised one of his shoes was missing. He went to a teacher who has said to see pastoral care and he got some replacement shoes and they said they would look at cctv.

He obv came home in the wrong shoes and I questioned it, he explained so I emailed the head of year to see if it had been looked into.

The next day she emailed to say the other head of year would reply as she is off the next two days (job share) I then ended up having to pick my son up who was I'll, I asked in the office of the cctv had been looked at and they knew nothing of the incident, questioned son about where it happened and simply said that the shoe had probably been thrown over the fence into the neighbouring road which they named.

We haven't had a chance to check this road as I have been off unwell all week and son is unwell also.

Today the head of year finally calls and says the cctv hasn't been looked at, no idea on shoes and he will look into it but prob as it's been so long shoes is gone.

AIBU to expect more?

One that this whole saga has gone unnoticed in the playground - head of year said this would of happened in a split second? However I think a group of at least 4 kids throwing another kids round and then running off surely would of been noticed by someone?

Two that they should be looking into who has done this to actually talk to them about it - school are very hot on discipline in all other areas giving detentions out readily.

Three that some effort should be made to find the school shoe? I am a single mum with barely any money, I already had to put the shoes onto my credit card to afford them in the first place and they were £60 clarks ones as sons feet are between a 6 and 7 so adults were too big and childrens too small to buy cheaper ones, we tried about 3 different shops before. I am quite stressed as son can't continue to wear the school replacements that are a size too small. Luckily he has been off so hasn't needed to wear them.

I am a bit worried so is being bullied a bit, he's a bit of a clown trying to get people to like him but very naive and would do anything for anyone and people take advantage of this sometimes. He's not perfect and has his moments/ too chatty etc but he's not a bad kid.

OP posts:

Lionessmumma88 · 05/10/2023 19:59

You have every right to expect more to be done that is awful I really hope they actually do something. Report to the education board and threaten with the paper if they don't do anything schools hate bad press sometimes you have to be extreme to get heard x

Badbadbunny · 05/10/2023 20:01

Write to the head and chair of governors. Their response is unacceptable.

Hercisback · 05/10/2023 20:03

Separate your issues.

Yes something should have been done, but if no one knows who the other kids were then this is tricky. Even cctv can make it difficult to identify them. The teacher is right that what happened would be in a split second and on a busy playground wouldn't necessarily be noticed.
The shoes. That really does need something to happen, but if your son hasn't been in school, there's not an army of people out there to look.

olympicsrock · 05/10/2023 20:03

Absolutely rubbish.

KezzaMucklowe · 05/10/2023 20:03

Yanbu at all. This is ridiculous.

cansu · 05/10/2023 20:08

You should be aware that you are highly likely to be getting half the story. Maybe your ds was messing around and one of his mates threw his shoe? I assume that's what you are alluding to when you say he is a bit of a clown. In any case

There might be a whole playground of kids running around and playing games. One or two adults cannot watch one group of boys a the time and see what they are doing. It takes a minute to throw a shoe.
Staff may not have had time to watch the cctv.
You should have made the effort or your ds should, to go and look in the street.

I would reserve your complaint for when the cctv has been viewed. I have heard many such complaints only to find that when incidents are viewed on cctv to find the reality to be different. It could be embarrassing to go all out and then find your ds was a part of it.

cansu · 05/10/2023 20:11

I remember one mum refusing to send her dd to school until 'it was sorted'. Cctv showed her dd as one of the main culprits. Another cctv episode showed a child deliberately damaging his own property and then telling his mum a bully had trampled on him and had broken his things. Both parents marched up to school threatening letters to governors etc etc.

autiebooklover · 05/10/2023 20:39

As a parent who once at sports day watched (and reacted instantly but I was at the edge of the field) 4 children pin my asd child down and not one teacher saw including his teacher who was a couple of foot away. I can absolutely believe this happened and nobody saw.

What condition are the shoes he was sent home in could you keep those?

I agree the injury and loss of shoes is slack on the school.

lavendersbluedillydilly12 · 05/10/2023 20:52

I'd email the HoY back and say the school need to find and replace the shoes - you can't afford them.

The bullying incident is a safeguarding issue - if they can't guarantee that your child won't be thrown to the ground again you're not sending him.

Imagine what a fuss would be made if these things happened on your watch and you said you couldn't keep him safe at home!

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 05/10/2023 20:59

In secondary schools realistically there are many 2-3 teachers on duty in a large playground. Maybe one teacher is giving first aid to a student, and another is looking the other way or on the far side of the playground - things do get missed. I don't think any secondary school guarantees supervision of all students at all times at break or lunch.

I agree that the school should try to find the shoes or offer to replace them, especially if you explain that you can't afford to replace them yourself.

I would definitely contact the head about the incident, hopefully they will be able to sort out some replacement shoes at least.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/10/2023 21:10

cansu · 05/10/2023 20:08

There might be a whole playground of kids running around and playing games. One or two adults cannot watch one group of boys a the time and see what they are doing. It takes a minute to throw a shoe.
Staff may not have had time to watch the cctv.
You should have made the effort or your ds should, to go and look in the street.

Seriously? The excuses some posters will come up with for really really poor behaviour.

The school is absolutely reneging on its duty OP, of course you should expect more.

noblegiraffe · 05/10/2023 21:11

The school complaints procedure should be on the website so follow this, generally if you are not satisfied with the response from the HOY you should escalate to the headteacher.

They should definitely have looked at the CCTV by now. Looking for the shoe though is something they'd have probably expected your DS to do, the fact that he has been off and you have been ill is unfortunate.

Do tell them about your financial situation in replacing the shoes, they may be able to help.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/10/2023 21:12

I remember one mum refusing to send her dd to school until 'it was sorted'. Cctv showed her dd as one of the main culprits.

It still needed sorting though, didn't it?

Another cctv episode showed a child deliberately damaging his own property and then telling his mum a bully had trampled on him and had broken his things.

Ditto - there's clearly an underlying issue which the school needs to help address.

I hope you aren't still working in a school

cansu · 05/10/2023 21:23

The underlying issues are that the child was pissing around on a public bus. Yes the parent needed to stop blaming other children for her daughters behaviour. The school had sorted it. The parent complained the school were in the wrong. They were not. She was.

In the second case the child lied because they knew their parent would be cross they had broken their phone. Not abusive but cross.

Yes and you should be glad I am working in a school because many teachers leave as they can't be arsed dealing with poor behaved kids and unsupportive parents.

The OP may well have cause for complain but she should keep an open mind until the cctv has been viewed.

BlueIgIoo · 05/10/2023 21:28

This is the difference between primary and secondary. A primary teacher would have just gone and looked for the shoe themselves - easiest thing to do! Their response is really poor.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/10/2023 21:50

she should keep an open mind until the cctv has been viewed.

Except they've made no attempt to do so. And they are showing zero signs of taking this seriously

🤦🏻‍♀️

noblegiraffe · 05/10/2023 21:57

BlueIgIoo · 05/10/2023 21:28

This is the difference between primary and secondary. A primary teacher would have just gone and looked for the shoe themselves - easiest thing to do! Their response is really poor.

Primary kids couldn't go looking for the shoe themselves! Secondary kids are expected to be a bit more independent and resourceful.

BlueIgIoo · 05/10/2023 22:13

noblegiraffe · 05/10/2023 21:57

Primary kids couldn't go looking for the shoe themselves! Secondary kids are expected to be a bit more independent and resourceful.

Show quote history

He's 5 weeks into Y7. I'd have just spent 5 or 10 minutes looking myself to solve the problem. Keeps the parent happy if nothing else.

noblegiraffe · 05/10/2023 22:27

The OP was at the school, told where it likely went, and didn't look for it either!

32quietlyshocked · 05/10/2023 22:35

It is reasonable to expect them to check CCTV the same day when a year 7 has alleged he was chucked in the air and dropped by a group of older kids. I'd also have expected them to questioned the kids to find out what happened to the shoe and report that back to you, but not to go looking for it themselves. My son gave statements for incidents 4x last year, CCTV checked in each case and acted on quickly. (Only time he was potentially at fault i had a call from the HOY by 5.30pm same day.) Otherwise you potentially leave kids at risk.

Original poster

confusedanonn · 06/10/2023 09:28

I don't believe he was at fault/ planned this, he said he didn't know the kids and couldn't describe them as such either, he thought at first they were joking round picking him up which i can understand he would of not prob said straight away put me down he would of nervously laughed along despite being uncomfortable but obv it went to far when they dropped him and then ran off or threw the shoe. I think DS was a bit shocked to go looking for the shoe, he was winded and first instinct was to find a teacher and ask for help. Considering he's been in school a month I would like to think the teachers would have some compassion to helping him, he is still learning whats expected of him it is a huge transition.

In regards to go looking for the shoe myself, the road they said is a massive road that goes round several blocks of flats, I would have no idea where to even start looking plus the fact I am pretty sure I have covid (awful headache, sinus pains, temp etc) I didn't really want to go wandering about in the cold and priority was also getting DS home who was also feeling sick and unwell.

I do get not everything will be seen, I think really I am more disappointed in the schools reaction, he told a teacher that day who's forgotten, I spoke to the office who made no move to help in any way, first head of year fobbed me off and second head of year took two days to contact and hadn't even chased it up beforehand despite me explaining it all. I just think I would of at least checked cctv before ringing a parent or something.

His older brother has actually been more productive trying to find out who it was tbh!

OP posts:

Original poster

confusedanonn · 06/10/2023 09:30

The shoes they have given him are too small, I have sent him to school in trainers today. I am sure the teachers will notice that and pull him up on it!

OP posts:

Flip