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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In laws

2 replies

Maymin · 05/10/2023 17:12

Hey, so I need some advice.

So every Wednesday evening my mil goes to this spiritual psychic church thing which is down the road from us. She always uses our drive which is totally fine. She pops in sometimes to see our baby, hes 4 months old now. Its lovely to see how much she loves her grandson obviously. But he was sleeping on me when she called in and she said "Aw if I'd have known I wouldn't have called in" and all replied with was "Well you should have said" I was abit peeved she came in because I was having a bad day mentally but whatever. The evening went on etc and my partner was going to wash babys bottles but I said I'd do it as his mum was there, give them time together. Anyway fast forward to today and apparently according to my mil I was rude, snappy, and spent time in the kitchen avoiding her? I was washing and steralising all the babys stuff. And making a sandwich because I was hungry? She reckons when I replied well you should have said, she took it as well maybe you need to ring before you came. Those words did not come out of my mouth! My partner also thinks she shouldn't have to ask to come over and can call in whatever time or day they want. Which I think is so rude I would never do that to someone.

A note as well I'm currently suffering postnatal depression. I had a lovely birth but all went downhill when I had a PPH and then my son was poorly. I am trying to get help but its so difficult. I told my HV about it all and because I have never struggled to bond with my son or suicidal its really hard to refer me to perinatal etc. So I obviously haven't been myself.

OP posts:
Frida2023 · 05/10/2023 18:59

so sorry you having to deal with something like this. Firstly I really believe your home is a safe space and no one should be “dropping in” whenever they like - especially not a MIL. You sound like you have been more than accommodating and accepting for her to pop in. Your MIL sounds like she has been over sensitive on this occasion. It is absolutely ok for you to request that anyone coming to your house texts to ask if it is ok/convenient for you. It is ok for you to set a healthy boundary with your MIL - honestly though your husband really should be supporting you to do this and not saying his mum should be able to come round when she likes. Maybe this situation has highlighted some loose boundaries that might need some gentle tightening. You might not always feel like having a visitor when you have a baby. I know it’s hard verbalising these things - I had a similar issue when I had my first, my MIL was incredibly intrusive and I wish I had been able to just say, “please ask before coming round”. It would have saved alot of issues.

Mrsphilmiller · 05/10/2023 19:31

You said so yourself you were having a bad day, so maybe you were rude to her.
You’re allowed to be rude and mil is allowed to be upset. Nothing can change any of your reactions.

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