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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be concerned? School safeguarding issue?

54 replies

ANONforthisone67374 · 05/10/2023 16:08

So my daughter is additional needs and has a 1-1. She is a flight risk and gas on three separate occasions got out of the school during mornings when everyone is coming in (after being dropped off in the morning directly to her classroom)

Today I walked into the school and my daughter came down the stairs on her own without her 1-1. It seems she went off on her own. I kept her with me expecting to see her 1-1 but no one came. It was end of the day and both gates were open. I kept her with me while waiting for my eldest. She was with me for 10mins and not one single teacher/caretaker etc was looking for her.

Now I know she is a flight risk I get that she manages to evade me so I'm not upset she evaded her 1-1 who was the only one searching for her. My concern is how long she was effectively missing for. If I didn't walk round to collect her other sibling no one would have known I had her. Aibu to make a complaint?

OP posts:
Original poster
ANONforthisone67374 · 05/10/2023 16:08

Sorry that's long

OP posts:
Chestnutz · 05/10/2023 16:10

I don’t know what arrangement you have with the school - I wouldn’t frame it as a ‘complaint’ but I would flag it with them as you are concerned.

gillywee · 05/10/2023 16:12

Absolutely! I'd report something like that every single time, in a heartbeat.

Original poster
ANONforthisone67374 · 05/10/2023 16:12

Chestnutz · 05/10/2023 16:10

I don’t know what arrangement you have with the school - I wouldn’t frame it as a ‘complaint’ but I would flag it with them as you are concerned.

Yhh sorry I mean should i raise it as a concern not so much complaint as I know she runs it's just concerning that given this no one was phased by it 😩

OP posts:
Iam4eels · 05/10/2023 16:15

I wouldn't raise it as a complaint because it only takes a split second for a flight risk to give their adult the slip but I would flag it with them so that they can look at how it happened and (hopefully) tighten up whatever blind spot allowed her to get out without them seeing.

MyCatHasStaff · 05/10/2023 16:20

How do you know no one was phased by it? They were most likely frantically looking for her in the end of day mele. Why didn't you tell them she was with you? If she had really escaped they would have had to call the police (standard procedure).

LIZS · 05/10/2023 16:22

How old is she?

Hummingbird233 · 05/10/2023 16:26

You are your daughter advocate. YANBU at all to complain that she's not being supported in the way that's needed to keep her safe.

Is it possible to drop her off 5 mins later than the other kids and pick up 5 mins before so there's less chance of her going off without people realising?

Original poster
ANONforthisone67374 · 05/10/2023 16:28

MyCatHasStaff · 05/10/2023 16:20

How do you know no one was phased by it? They were most likely frantically looking for her in the end of day mele. Why didn't you tell them she was with you? If she had really escaped they would have had to call the police (standard procedure).

They weren't frantically looking for her when I went to her classroom her teacher said she went off with the 1-1 but she got away and they haven't seen her since. I got her at 15.08 and I went to her classroom at 15.19 and was told her 1-1 alone is looking for her. So for those 11mins no one knew where she was at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
ANONforthisone67374 · 05/10/2023 16:30

Iam4eels · 05/10/2023 16:15

I wouldn't raise it as a complaint because it only takes a split second for a flight risk to give their adult the slip but I would flag it with them so that they can look at how it happened and (hopefully) tighten up whatever blind spot allowed her to get out without them seeing.

I'm not upset with her 1-1 at alll I know she is a flight risk and I know she can get away and I don't want her getting in trouble my concern is no one knew where she was for over 11mins both gates were open and no one was looking for her. I definitely understand she can get away I'm just very concerned about the amount of time that bad passed and even then no one was worried

OP posts:
Original poster
ANONforthisone67374 · 05/10/2023 16:31

Hummingbird233 · 05/10/2023 16:26

You are your daughter advocate. YANBU at all to complain that she's not being supported in the way that's needed to keep her safe.

Is it possible to drop her off 5 mins later than the other kids and pick up 5 mins before so there's less chance of her going off without people realising?

My friend who works in an additional needs school has just suggested that I request this. Thank you.

OP posts:
Dramatic · 05/10/2023 16:31

ANONforthisone67374 · 05/10/2023 16:28

They weren't frantically looking for her when I went to her classroom her teacher said she went off with the 1-1 but she got away and they haven't seen her since. I got her at 15.08 and I went to her classroom at 15.19 and was told her 1-1 alone is looking for her. So for those 11mins no one knew where she was at all.

Show quote history

Was there still other kids in the classroom? The teacher wouldn't have been able to leave too if there was still others in the classroom

MyCatHasStaff · 05/10/2023 16:32

I agree they should have been more focused on finding her. Equally, she was with you for 10 of those 11 minutes and you should have told them. Clearly there needs to be a conversation to make sure your daughter is safe.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/10/2023 16:37

That's awful
What on earth are council tax payers funding 1-1 support for her for if they don't even notice when she wanders off?

Original poster
ANONforthisone67374 · 05/10/2023 16:37

Dramatic · 05/10/2023 16:31

Was there still other kids in the classroom? The teacher wouldn't have been able to leave too if there was still others in the classroom

Show quote history

They are let out from the hall there are several teachers standing there letting the kids go when I got there there was no kids from her actual classroom there but kids from other classrooms.

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 05/10/2023 16:37

I’m assuming she has an EHCP. What does that specify for 1-1 support. Is it described as full time, or a number of hours? You haven’t said how old your daughter is, I think.

lanthanum · 05/10/2023 16:38

I agree that it's very concerning. Hummingbird's suggestion is a good one, and the school might be very relieved if you're going to them with a possible solution, not just a complaint.

Original poster
ANONforthisone67374 · 05/10/2023 16:40

MyCatHasStaff · 05/10/2023 16:32

I agree they should have been more focused on finding her. Equally, she was with you for 10 of those 11 minutes and you should have told them. Clearly there needs to be a conversation to make sure your daughter is safe.

The reason why I kept her with me is because on several occasions before I get to her classroom or have seen her teacher etc she is already out of the hall or running around the playground or I've gone to pick her up and they said they are 'just trying to find her' I guess I kept her with me out of principal because I've raised the concerns of this prior and it still keeps happening yes I could have told them she was with me but given no one was really concerned for her what would have been the point?

OP posts:
whatsappdoc · 05/10/2023 16:40

Why didn't you return to her classroom and tell the teacher you had her? Then she could pass the message on to the 1 to 1. Your eldest could have waited.

Original poster
ANONforthisone67374 · 05/10/2023 16:43

Bluevelvetsofa · 05/10/2023 16:37

I’m assuming she has an EHCP. What does that specify for 1-1 support. Is it described as full time, or a number of hours? You haven’t said how old your daughter is, I think.

My apologies she's 7.5 .....she is to have 1-1 during all hours particularly during transitions. Which she did she just managed to get away from her somehow I'm just concerned that they didn't seem worried particularly as she has gotten out of the gates before and stopped by other parents not even by staff (this is after I have dropped her)

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 05/10/2023 16:46

I'd be concerned that her aide is being used as a general TA - she should not be out of this person's sight at all if she is a known wanderer, and I don't understand how she has managed to leave the classroom a few times when someone is supposed to be with her at all times.

I think you need to get to the bottom of how she left the classroom. Was the door open? Was the 1:1 aide helping others get ready to leave?

Softnatural · 05/10/2023 16:47

The 1-1 was looking for her though and other staff would have had to leave other children to join the search.

I'm not sure what you were expecting but collecting early seems like a good solution going forward.

Hummingbird233 · 05/10/2023 16:47

@Dramatic whether the teacher was alone or not is irrelevant. The child has a 1-1 that is supposed to be watching OPs daughter at all times to ensure she's accounted for and safe.

Staffing levels are completely irrelevant. If the school ever don't have the right staffing to ensure each child is safe, then the parents should be informed so they can collect their child.

You couldn't leave a child with additional needs unaccounted for, just because the teacher is with the class. Someone would have to be looking for the girl, which OP says no one was.

These are basic steps to keep children alive and well.

Passepartoute · 05/10/2023 16:49

Iam4eels · 05/10/2023 16:15

I wouldn't raise it as a complaint because it only takes a split second for a flight risk to give their adult the slip but I would flag it with them so that they can look at how it happened and (hopefully) tighten up whatever blind spot allowed her to get out without them seeing.

It may take a split second for a child to give their carer the slip, but it really shouldn't take the carer several minutes to raise the alarm. OP's child could have been out in the road for all they knew.

Hummingbird233 · 05/10/2023 16:50

@Softnatural the OP has said multiple times that no one was looking for her.

Not the 1-1. Not the teacher. No one.

A child can go a long way in 11 minutes. But equally if your sole job is to look after a child, known to be a flight risk, then surely if you're walking with them and they run away, you run after. It's not good enough to simply say they ran away and that's that.