To be actually quite annoyed about my mum’s opinion?

[LesMum6839]

I’ve been a single parent for the last 6 years, my daughter is nearly 8 years old. She has autism and her dad isn’t involved or allowed to see her at all because of safeguarding concerns, we’ve been to court and the full works.

I never properly dated anyone and devoted all of my time to raising my daughter instead, until I met someone at the beginning of the year and had a brief relationship with them for a few months. I feel ready to get back out there and start having a few casual dates and seeing where it leads.

I was speaking to my mum about it and she started saying how I was basically in the wrong for wanting to do that and when she was a single parent to me and my siblings that she basically never had a life for herself of any sort, so she basically thinks I should do the same and not go out and do things by myself, not date anyone or do anything until my daughter is an adult and then I’m entitled to my own life (according to her).

This really pissed me off, because I am not just a mother in life. I do absolutely everything for my daughter and she always comes first, BUT, I also deserve to have a life outside of doing that (I feel anyway) and I personally just think that she’s jealous that I’m not struggling the way that she was when she raised us all. She has a pattern of trying to sabotage or bring me and my siblings down in life whenever she feels like we’re doing better than her.

AIBU for feeling so annoyed and upset over this and her?

A race to the bottom martyr mum.
Her life choices don't seem to have brought her much joy, so it's hardly great advice to copy if it's not going to work for you.

The blunt truth here is that you’re not being unreasonable at all for it to have upset you - far from it actually, I think it’s to be expected that it would annoy and upset you. This entire thread revolves around one thing and one thing only - jealousy. It’s a horrible trait to have.

You don’t require advice here, you require words of encouragement and affirmation. You are in no way wrong for wanting to focus on yourself, it does not make you selfish, unwise, foolish or anything else that might be said. She made her own choices to not date anyone and devote her life to her children - you do not need to feel obligated to make the same decisions she did. Her advice is based entirely off jealousy - she struggled therefore so must you - it’s a terrible way of looking at things. As parents it’s our duty and responsibility to guide our children into making the right decisions in life and doing what’s right for them. You’ve done right by yourself and your daughter for 8 long years, don’t let someone else’s bitterness and jealousy rule over how you choose to live your life. Any self respecting parent would be encouraging their child to date if it feels right for them - not only is it important for your sanity but to feel wanted, to build social skills, to interact with others and more importantly to give yourself a break to remember you’re more than just a mother.

Just remember, this is your life not theirs. You’ve got this, and best of luck with future dates!

TheBluntTruth.

Totally disagree with your mum. You need your own life too. Best of luck with dating. There are plenty of frogs out there, but also some princes. I met mine when my daughter was 9