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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to bring this up with sister

37 replies

0001010001a2 · 05/10/2023 07:45

So my sister is always filming my toddler son. It's usually her having a conversation with him, asking lots of questions etc which winds him up as he is very aware when someone has their camera on him. She'll push him to say funny things and I know she's sharing these videos with her group chats. I have a few problems with this.

  • Hate the idea of my son potentially feeling like there's always a camera in his face
  • Feels icky to me that she is using him for 'content' for her group chats, not to have a genuine moment with him
  • I don't know exactly what is being shared on these chats
  • It usually ends in an outburst from him because he feels like he's being laughed at

Maybe I am being OTT about this but it's really bothering me and I don't know how to approach this without seeming really precious/sensitive.

OP posts:
MumW · 05/10/2023 09:36

littleripper · 05/10/2023 09:21

Just tell her to stop. If she gets annoyed film her and laugh.

Just tell her, then get the phone in her face every single time you have a conversation.

You are all entitled to your privacy. There is no way I would want my children's face on the web in any manner that wasn't private and controlled by me.

Is she using the videos to earn money?

Cowlover89 · 05/10/2023 09:37

Just tell her to stop

SleepingStandingUp · 05/10/2023 09:40

0001010001a2 · 05/10/2023 08:37

I just want her to understand why it's wrong/weird. She's quite young and a bit clueless. However I think she would get it if I knew how to put it across nicely. Obviously I don't want to be rude or fall out over this! But I understand I need to be firm

"Lizzie of you're doing something that ends up with him crying, then he doesn't like it so stop, now."
Exactly how I'd explain to my 8 yo.

How old is your son?

dottiedodah · 05/10/2023 09:40

If you have a good RL ,then I would just say straight out to her ,Look Jane I dont think he likes it! Just play with him ,no more photos! She should take the hint YADNBU here .Also good lesson for her when she becomes a Mum as well!

LunaNorth · 05/10/2023 09:43

Get between him and the camera. Every single time.

GabriellaMontez · 05/10/2023 09:49

0001010001a2 · 05/10/2023 08:37

I just want her to understand why it's wrong/weird. She's quite young and a bit clueless. However I think she would get it if I knew how to put it across nicely. Obviously I don't want to be rude or fall out over this! But I understand I need to be firm

How young? Is she a child?

If so, explain very simply 'he doesn't like it, would you like it if I kept filming you?"

"Stop it, we don't keep doing.things that make other people upset, especially toddler."

IAmAnIdiot123 · 05/10/2023 09:56

0001010001a2 · 05/10/2023 08:42

That's not a simple answer though is it? Stopping seeing family is really extreme. If I thought it were that simple I wouldn't be asking for advice on here.

Yes I probably need to grow a pair and just tell her bluntly to stop but I find that kind of thing difficult.

I don't think it's extreme to not put your child into situations he hates, family or not.

I would firmly say to stop it and if she doesn't, I wouldn't see her with my children.

I don't share photos/videos of my children on social media and I would be very cross to find out other people had shared videos of my children to their 'social groups'.

shams05 · 05/10/2023 09:58

You're excusing her action because she's young but that's no excuse really.
You don't need to be rude to be blunt, just tell her you're not comfortable with what she's doing, and if she doesn't stop then next time she starts recording just pick him up and remove him from her.

parietal · 05/10/2023 10:01

Put you hand in front of the camera to ruin the clip. Then tell her he doesn't like it.

AmazingSnakeHead · 05/10/2023 10:05

I have a standard line: "we don't share videos of DS on chats or on social media because we want to protect his privacy until he's old enough to decide for himself".

It's worked because it's a very firm no, but at the same time gives an easy to understand reason. There are actually loads of reasons we don't allow it, but for people who refuse to see a toddler as a real person getting them to think about the rights of the toddler when he's grown up seems to help.

pudcat · 05/10/2023 10:18

Your son's feeling should rank far higher than your sister's feelings. Your son is upset. if your sister gets upset, then she will know how it feels. Also you do not know how many of her group are forwarding the videos on to people you do not know. Please look out for your son, and do not neglect his feelings and privacy.

autiebooklover · 05/10/2023 10:55

My (ya dd) does this with her little brother. I'm not into socials so I have spoken to her about respect, dignity and safety but other wise I left her to it as ds is fine with it.

In your case I'd come from the perspective your child isn't enjoying it. Just say 'can you stop please, it's upsetting him' and then ask her to stop the filming ongoing as he doesn't like it. Maybe she doesn't fully know how to interact with him? Offer to send cute snaps to her. Tbh I bet her friends are bored of all the videos anyway.

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