Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Our sons stalker

17 replies

usandourfourboys · 05/10/2023 05:21

Name changed for this ,So our eldest boy is 22 and we are young parents and had him at 18, he is a very handsome lad ,he is so respectful and kind (calls to my parents daily to check in after work and adores his brothers )and has great manners but is also the kinda lad that has loads of friend and has has a few short term girlfriends but nothing serious,I'm not bragging , I'm just describing him ... so to his problem ... he is a sale agent for a major Irish company and is doing well for himself because two years ago he started as a customer care agent and has been promoted but when he was in the call center a girl he worked with got very attached to him and they became friends and sometimes they'd travel home from work together (she would drive him home even though we live Five minutes away ) but then it went way beyond that and she started going mental at him if he spoke to any other girl in the office even if was about work and she would even follow him to the loo etc .. it got to the point where he actually didn't speak to anyone in the office and he reported her numerous times and nothing was done because basically he is guy and she is the girl .. she then started arriving outside our house and buying him presents and leaving them in his desk and a lot more stuff so it was then taking serious and she was asked to leave or basically be fired ... she still hasn't given up on him and recently has applied for a job with the same company but in his new department and the boss of this new department didn't know the history and she nearly got the job and it was only that his supervisor noticed her name and told the main boss the history that she didn't get get the job ... this girl is 31 so closer to my age than our sons ... I'm just wondering does anyone have advice on what to do here ... she won't leave him alone but technically hasn't done anything illegal and she can't contact him on any social media platforms as he has her blocked but she is literally obsessed with him and it's taking all my energy to not go and confront her and pull the head off her but I can't do that because of what would happen then ... any advice appreciated.thanks

OP posts:

NigelHarmansNewWife · 05/10/2023 05:26

She is stalking and harassing him. Both are crimes in Ireland. Your son should speak with the Guards about that to do.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 05/10/2023 05:27

I've assumed you're in Ireland from you stating your son works for a major Irish firm.

lljkk · 05/10/2023 05:29

What Nigel said. It'd be stalking in England too. Of course he needs to talk to police on non emergency line.

Original poster

usandourfourboys · 05/10/2023 05:33

That was already all done first time around but now it's starting again when she applied to his department and I'm convinced I seen her car the other day on our road ... the guards have been informed but actually said nothing can be done if she hasn't done anything or personally tried to contact him ... is it legal to take pictures of her if I see her near our home or him

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2023 05:39

I’m not in ROI but a quick google states that there is no law preventing you from taking pictures of people in public places. So yes, I would do that.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 05/10/2023 05:41

I am in ROI and yes you can take pics and vids to your hearts content in a public place so I would start with that and record dates and times. What she is doing is harassing him and it cannot be nice for him.

CaramelMac · 05/10/2023 06:46

Do you know where she lives? Could you contact her parents and let them know what she’s doing?

Pumpkinspice12 · 05/10/2023 06:58

Start by logging it all down. Every single thing she does no matter how small. Just because he's a man it shouldn't matter. I feel for him because it will probably be a harder fight to be taken seriously. It shouldn't though. Do you have a ring cam of any security cams? Could catch her going past or even approaching the house. The log will provide a pattern which could then be shown to the police

tenbob · 05/10/2023 07:00

CaramelMac · 05/10/2023 06:46

Do you know where she lives? Could you contact her parents and let them know what she’s doing?

She is 31!

FOJN · 05/10/2023 07:02

Stalking is an offence and you can get a restraining order, although the Irish Law does seem to have quite a high threshold for imposing one of those.

I've included the National Stalking Helpline link because although it's a UK organisation they may be able to offer advice on how to collect evidence and some actions your son may be able to take to keep himself safe.

I'm sorry to say that stalkers rarely stop spontaneously, either the law stops them (usually by putting the stalker in prison) or they find another victim.

The only thing you son can do to prevent her thinking the attention is welcome is to ignore her completely. Stalkers seem to interpret even negative interactions as encouragement.

It's an awful crime, I hope he can gather evidence and get a restraining order.

https://www.gov.ie/en/press-release/ae3ba-new-system-of-court-orders-to-restrain-stalking-behaviour-and-protect-victims-as-part-of-new-bill-from-minister-mcentee/#:~:text=Stalking%20%E2%80%93%20criminal%20offence,day%2Dto%2Dday%20activities.

https://www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline

New system of court orders to restrain stalking behaviour and protect victims as part of new Bill from Minister McEntee

https://www.gov.ie/en/press-release/ae3ba-new-system-of-court-orders-to-restrain-stalking-behaviour-and-protect-victims-as-part-of-new-bill-from-minister-mcentee#:~:text=Stalking%20%E2%80%93%20criminal%20offence,day%2Dto%2Dday%20activities.

CaramelMac · 05/10/2023 07:04

tenbob · 05/10/2023 07:00

She is 31!

Show quote history

Plenty of 31 year old still live with their parents. I know my parents would be having strong words with me if they found out I was harassing a much younger man (or anyone for that matter!)

FOJN · 05/10/2023 07:11

Pumpkinspice12 · 05/10/2023 06:58

I think this is good advice. Your son could also try to obtain copies of any written documentation from his previous company about the complaints he made and the process by which she was right couraged to leave the company.

No contact applies to you too, do not interact with his stalker at all. Stalkers are beyond reason, they do not stop no matter how clearly they are told their attention is unwelcome.

FOJN · 05/10/2023 07:14

CaramelMac · 05/10/2023 07:04

Plenty of 31 year old still live with their parents. I know my parents would be having strong words with me if they found out I was harassing a much younger man (or anyone for that matter!)

Show quote history

Stalking and over enthusiastic romantic interest are two very different things.

Strong words don't cut it with a stalker, they are dangerous people.

The man being stalked and his family need to ignore her and her family completely.

Queenofheart · 05/10/2023 07:17

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2023 05:39

I’m not in ROI but a quick google states that there is no law preventing you from taking pictures of people in public places. So yes, I would do that.

I would walk right up to her car videoing her every time.

I’d also have to have words with her.

Your son can only put up with so much and it’s going to start affecting him, that I would not have! 😡

Confusedmamatoo · 05/10/2023 07:40

I completely disagree.

Stalking and “Over enthusiastic romantic interest” Are statistically the worst kind. The ones with a romantic interest are the MOST dangerous. I suppose because Op’s son is not a female that’s why your saying leave it.

DO NOT ignore this Op, contact the police and anyone else.

personally I have been through very similar to your son. Police did have to intervene and now an order is in place.

Forgot to add supposed to be @FOJN

Prescottdanni123 · 05/10/2023 08:05

Report to the police. And jeep on reporting it. Write down everything she has done and keep adding to it.

FOJN · 05/10/2023 08:56