AIBU or should neighbour of left our bush alone?

[MrsH1992]

So we get on pretty well with our neighbour usually and when we went away we asked if he'd mind watering our plants.

When we got home we found that one of our bushes was being propped up by a massive stick and we have no idea what had happened. The bush had been tied to the fence post for support (and had been tied on like this since before we bought the property) but the rope had been cut. We text the neighbour to see if they knew what had happened and he said he'd cut it as it was pulling on his fence post and that our bush was too big and needed to be heavily pruned.

I found it really weird he hadn't asked/ told us he'd done this at any point. I was also annoyed as I'd relaid the lawn before going away and the stick had left a big gauge mark. I tried wobbling the fence post and it was rock solid so I don't think the bush had been doing anything that urgent.

To fix the bush I had to cut it back loads and tie it to a near by bush and it now looks very sad and misshaped. I get it's his fence post but I just wish he'd waited until we got home or even asked us first. AIBU?

He made a mistake and then tried to rectify it. Let it go (and chop down the stupid bush).

Maybe he hadn't realised it was tied to his fence post - it shouldn't have been, so he sorted it. I can't see that its worth getting upset about really.

How would you have sorted it?

It shouldn’t have been tied to his fence post.

I wouldn't really want ties around my dunce post either to be honest, if it can't stand up it needs something to support that doesn't affect others - what bush is it? Can you use a frame of some kind?

It's just a plant, I never quite get the angst with plant issues, they grow back so no problem. It really shouldn't have been tied to the fence; cut it right back and grow it properly with supports while it establishes itself.

You are unreasonable to expect anyone to be able to have a ‘difficult’ conversation.

The thing which I have found most shocking (both here, and in life) is how many people are so freaked out by having a conversation with any potential for conflict that they have zero ability to be assertive; zero resolution skills and no clue as to how to maintain good relationships whilst disagreeing with someone.

He has obviously been stewing about this for years, and couldn’t say anything so he just had to act like a teenager and get defensive after the fact.
From the other replies you get to see how pervasive this mindset is.

Put in a stake and tie it to that. It was affecting the fence with the weight of it.

Thanks for the all the replies! I'm super surprised by the results 🤣. So I wouldn't of personally tied it on to the fence post but as it was like that when we moved in and didn't seem to be doing any harm I didn't think anything of it and just left it alone. I'm really surprised most people didn't think it was rude for him to not at the very least drop us a message to say what he'd done in our garden but there you go 😅

YANBU. Neighbour's been a sly little bitch if you ask me. He's had the entire time since you moved in (in fact he's had the entire time the bush has been tied like that, which is even longer) to say "hey, can you find another support for that bush please" but instead he waits for you to go away and then damages your bush and your new lane? What a dick.

You shouldn't have tied it to his fence. Sounds like it's damaging the fence. Wonder if be ask for you to replace the fence if it's damaged

@londonrach OP has stated clearly in both her posts that she didn't tie the bush to the neighbour's fencepost, it was already like that before they moved in.

Can't anyone read?

It's too easy to jump in with comments before reading the full thread or at least the OP's side of things.
No wonder things become twisted out of context on here.

Why is everyone assuming neighbour knew it had been tied to his fence post? It seems obvious to me that he did not know until he was asked to water the OP’s garden. It doesn’t make sense for a neighbour to decide it’s ok for my neighbour to tie a bush to my fence post and then suddenly decide it’s not ok when that neighbour leaves and OP moves in. Besides it is his fence, so he fixed it.