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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is our neighbour overreacting?

24 replies

MrsH1992 · 04/10/2023 23:41

So our house is semi-detached and on a village green. To get to ours and our neighbours house there is a gravel track across the green and along the track is a parking space on our side. We moved in three years ago and our attached neighbours parked in this spot occasionally and we assumed it was a shared communal space so occasionally we told visitors to park in it. The track only goes to our two houses.

After living here maybe a year and a half, we had a friend staying for two nights and he'd parked in the spot on the gravel track. We woke up one morning to find a car blocking our driveway so we couldn't leave with a note saying if we wanted the car moved to call this number. My husband called it assuming it was a delivery driver. Turns out it was the guy who lives two doors down and also owns the village green and therefore the gravel drive and parking spot and was mad a car was parked on his land without permission.

He went absolutely nuts at my husband who had no idea what was going on. My husband had no idea who it was. He then hung up and came round our house and shouted at my husband in our driveway. Turns out he'd left a note on the car which we hadn't seen as it was on the far side of the car, it was dark when we were coming and going plus the car had not been driven. He'd also left a message on the village WhatsApp group which I'm a member of but have on mute as there are so many notifications. He totally did not believe us that we had not seen either of these.

He moved the car in the end but was very nasty. This happened on the morning we were leaving for our wedding which was the next day which he obviously didn't know but set the weekend off on a bad note.

Since then he has shouted at us at every opportunity and also at friends and family visiting, there have been seven incidents in total. One of the most recent was at a village event where he was drunk and shouted at me across my pram with my 4 month old baby inside saying things like 'i'm willing to forgive you even though you've always been awful', 'you don't bring anything to the community' and 'you do know you live in the smallest house in the village'.

I'm at a loss at how he can be so mad about what was a genuine accident on our part. He never parks in that spot and you can't see it from his house and kind of feels like he just wants to lord it over us. AIBU?

OP posts:

RandomButtons · 04/10/2023 23:52

Honestly that’s becoming a police matter - he’s threatening and intimidating. Start keeping a diary.

do you have deeds to show where your boundaries lie? I find it highly unlikely that an individual would own a village green. They are usually community council owned and managed.

TheShellBeach · 04/10/2023 23:59

He sounds insane.
And scary.
Talk to the police on 101 for advice

Babymamamama · 04/10/2023 23:59

Just find out your parking rights and take it from there. Tbh your solicitor should have looked into all this when you purchased the property.

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 05/10/2023 00:02

Report him to the police for harassment and intimidation.

WheezeAJollyGoodFellow · 05/10/2023 00:22

What an aggressive arsehole. I would contact the police about his repeated harassment.
It's a pathetic power thing. He's probably got nothing to do except seeth. The sad, nasty man.

CaroleSinger · 05/10/2023 00:34

A decent conveyancer would have picked up that the green was privately owned and there was no right to park there, you certainly shouldn't have just assumed and they let you down there but regardless of that oversight what he is doing is harassment and you really do need to take this to the police now.

Original poster

MrsH1992 · 05/10/2023 00:49

Just to clarify, our solicitor did explain that the green was privately owned and we have right of access to our driveway but we didn't know who owned it and as the previous owner of our house/ semi detached neighbours use the parking spot and houses along from us have similar set ups and use equivalent spaces for visitors we assumed (wrongly) it was just an informal arrangement locally and not a big deal.

OP posts:

Someoneonlyyouknow · 05/10/2023 01:27

I expect everyone in the village knows what he is like and you will not be the only people he has done this to. You could ride it out and hope he picks on someone else soon but it would be a good idea to keep a record of his behaviour, you may have to report his intimidation to the police to get him to stop.

Dita73 · 05/10/2023 02:29

He’s a nasty bully. Get your solicitor to draw up a letter for him to stop harassing you.

TBOM · 05/10/2023 02:34

He sounds bonkers and I’d definitely be reporting his behaviour. But - right of access doesn’t mean you can use his land as a car park for your guests. You should always be very clear about what you can and can’t do in this kind of situation. Having been in your neighbours position, sometimes it’s the last straw…

Northernsouloldies · 05/10/2023 03:16

You live in the smallest house in the village, it reminded me of the Harry Enfield character Stanley, we are considerably Richer than youuw. What an idiot. 😁

FloofCloud · 05/10/2023 03:44

First of all we need a diagram

Secondly, he's being abusive, the issue is sorted, but he's continuing and that's unacceptable- I'd be reporting to the police now, and every time he does something

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/10/2023 04:05

1 - Diagram required

2 - He sounds like the village arsehole.

3 - you should have made sure who owned it before using it, particularly as you knew the green was privately owned and your track is an access across, not a track you own/share ownership of.

Way forward - pick the pub he uses, buy him a pint and say sorry, in front of as many people as possible. You weren't aware, you should have been aware, you won't do it again.

That way, everyone will know you've apologised and been the bigger person. He will be left banging a drum no one wants to hear or is interested in and you may well find people sidling up to tell you everyone knows he is a prick over the course of the following weeks.

IF it then continues... then involve the police. But I'd make that an absolute last resort.

Roselilly36 · 05/10/2023 04:38

He has acted very poorly, but, he owns the land, he has tried to tell you that in various ways, none of which you claim to have seen. He obviously doesn’t believe that you didn’t see the note or WhatsApp message, so that has got his back up. Be the bigger person, apologise and ensure you or any guests park correctly in future. It will be beneficial to get the relationship with the owner of the green back on a polite level, especially should you wish to resell in the future, as you will need to declare any disputes. Good luck OP, it can’t be a pleasant situation to be in.

divinededacende · 05/10/2023 11:35

I know some people are saying apologise (even publicly, which feels a bit grovelly) but it just doesn't sit right with me. Assuming I'm reading your message correctly, this note and these messages happened in a short space of time while you had guests visiting so it's perfectly feasible you could have missed them while other things were going on. You've also had other guests use the space previously with no word from him. Assuming you apologised, or at least acknowledged the mistake when he bombarded you the first time, I don't think you owe him anything more.

Yes, you made a mistake and yes, he has a right to be annoyed but this campaign of abuse is too far. I'm all for 'being the bigger person' to end a dispute sometimes but that level of behavior shouldn't be indulged. It's too extreme. If you think he could be approached for a direct conversation to try and hash things out, great. But I wouldn't be groveling or apologising.

How are his interactions with other people in the village? Are people scared of him? You should be able to get a sense of the dynamic from the Whatsapp group.

If you have any trusted friends in the village, I would have a conversation to let them know the extent of what's been happening and how it's left you and your family feeling to see if others in the community can step in. I would definitely make it known to the police, though.

Sorry you're having to deal with this. You made a mistake but the response completely disproportionate.

Janieforever · 05/10/2023 11:39

On one hand is behaviour is unacceptable, totally. On the other, you can’t just assume you own a parking space, and use it. I don’t believe for one moment you didn’t check your deeds and you were never told the house came with a parking space.

people get very irate if you use their parking space without permission, understandably, it looks like this has went on so long this guy has lost his nut. Not acceptable he should have spoken before. But I assume he didn’t mind the occasional parking but for 2 days just pissed him right off.

hopefully he reins it in, but you need to not park there again.

Kingoftheroad · 05/10/2023 12:01

He’s an idiot. Ignore him if he gets anymore abusive report him

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/10/2023 12:09

divinededacende · 05/10/2023 11:35

How are his interactions with other people in the village? Are people scared of him? You should be able to get a sense of the dynamic from the Whatsapp group.

Sorry you're having to deal with this. You made a mistake but the response completely disproportionate.

Do you live in a village?

The apology I suggested... isn't for him. It's for the rest of the village. They see the OP being the bigger person, thats good for the OP. It will almost certainly piss off Mr Landowner no end... which is also good for the OP.

Village politics is a tricky thing.

maddening · 05/10/2023 12:25

Video all his rants and publish them on the village facebook

divinededacende · 05/10/2023 12:26

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/10/2023 12:09

Do you live in a village?

Village politics is a tricky thing.

Show quote history

Other family do but beyond the occasional trip home, I couldn't for exactly this type of behavior.

I do appreciate village politics. But there isn't enough info from the OP to know what her relationship is like with the rest of the village or what his is beyond assumptions.

I just think, on principle, that his level of behavior goes beyond being the bigger person and unless it was the absolute last resort and only way to get any support in the village, I wouldn't go near it. He doesn't deserve it and no one deserves to be crucified for a relatively minor mistake. Sometimes established politics should be challenged.

I don't judge anyone for taking a different approach. OP can go with whatever solution makes life easier for her.

LakeTiticaca · 05/10/2023 12:28

Someone needs to knock his teeth out, tbh

Autumnleaves89 · 05/10/2023 12:37

He sounds like an absolute wanker, if he verbally abused you again I would contact the police.

divinededacende · 05/10/2023 12:38

LakeTiticaca · 05/10/2023 12:28

Someone needs to knock his teeth out, tbh

HA! I know violence is never supposed to be the answer but some people really do need a good smack in the face.

ntmdino · 05/10/2023 12:48

Regardless of who owns the green, it's illegal for him to park in such a way that he's preventing you from leaving. That's immediately a police matter, since it was done deliberately.

As for his behaviour, that's harassment; he's clearly the kind of person who owns a bit of land and thinks he's far more important than he actually is, so a short sharp shock involving a visit from the police should a) knock him down a peg or two, and b) cause him quite enough embarrassment in front of the rest of the village (whose devotion he obviously needs).

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