Lost motivation for career after becoming mum

[Newmumnotso]

Posting here for traffic
I have returned from mat leave for six months now but I have lost all motivation at work and career. I used to be driven and ambitious pre-kids. I feel exhausted with toddler and trying to just stay afloat both at home and work. I have recently got a promotion and planning another DC.
I know I am not doing great at work. But, I want to do well in career and home. I feel if I get too focused on career then I won't be a good mum and want to spend as much time possible with my DC.
I just feel lost and it feels like I am starting afresh at everything due to long mat leave. My confidence has also been affected as I was off for 15 months .
I have built a career by working for 10 years and earn over 65k. Feel like leaving workforce but can't afford to be SAHP financially and emotionally.
Any suggestions are much appreciated.

You know the first question op

Partner?

I feel if I get too focused on career then I won't be a good mum and want to spend as much time possible with my DC.

Why? It is entirely possibly to give it your all while you are in work, go home, draw a line and then focus entirely on your children.

You were off for 15 months, so really 6 months being back isn't much and you're still in the adjusting period. It takes a while to find your feet again after returning.

Plus it is okay for your motivation to change post children. Maybe your motivation before was climbing the ladder and being seen as successful, but it is okay to now go to work to get a job done so you can financially give your children a nice lifestyle.

I was similar but was a bit easier as I was part-time though I did find that hard to maintain boundaries and not overwork. Did let me feel I had more time with the kids though. Once started school back up to full-time, have managed to switch the focus of my work to something that I am more interested in and now much more motivated. Could you do part time? How long until you would like your next DC? Are there any changes you could make at home to make it easier like a cleaner? Think though starting back is just really hard though and figuring out the new routine. Hope it gets better for you

I was offered a promotion which I couldn't deny for several reasons. DC has caught every bug of the season and that has felt like a big struggle at times.

You're in the worst of it now. Hang in there and you will be so so happy you stuck it out in a few years. Keep working because it means not just money and security for you, but things for your child - toys, experiences, extra tutors and school materials etc.

You've been promoted so clearly not doing as badly as you think. Also, the more senior I get in my job, the more I realize how average most people are at their work. So don't beat yourself up.

I was the same as you OP and I recently quit and got a much more local part time job. Not sure if it was the right thing or not - time will tell!

Can you buy in more help to make the juggling a bit less stressful?

Hanging in there in the early years of sickness and crippling childcare fees and early starts and always either working or parenting is tough. But it pays off. My DC are both in school now, life is easier, the childcare bill has dropped massively and I earn double what I earned when I went back after my first DC. If I'd taken time out, I'd be struggling to get back in at close to entry level, probably. And I have years of pension compounding that would not otherwise have existed.

Two critical questions: 1) is four days or otherwise less than FT a possibility? I did 4 days and found it a good way to hang in there with my career without being consumed by work. 2) where is your partner, and, critically, are they pulling their weight with dropoffs and sickness and household chores and mental load?

DH does lion's share of childcare so can't fault him. It's just the general feeling of being overwhelmed and inadequate at work which is crippling me. I work 3-4 days only per week.

It’s hard to give work your all when you’re part time and got young kids. Hang on in there, look at ways to make your life easier, cleaner etc

Can you say a bit more about what you're struggling with? It does seem a bit unusual that you're finding things such a slog when you're already PT and your partner does the bulk of out-of-work childcare. Is it the promotion that's changed what you're doing? If so, there is no shame in walking it back and saying you'd rather go back to your previous role - and as a solution it's much less drastic than quitting work altogether.

Is there a specific reason you are struggling with balance when your DH "does lion's share of childcare" and you work 3 or 4 days a week?

You have at least 3-4 days a week with your child, that is still a lot of time to focus on them and be present.

Are you working condensed hours or is the workload too large to achieve on your work days?

My focus on work definitely changed after having children - definitely less ambitious and (rightly so) it dropped down the priorities list so not so much over time, hotel stays, long days anymore. I thought it would come back once first child got older but it didn't

I'm a single parent now doing 99.9% of the parenting and have toddler twins in the mix - my confidence is currently taking a hammering as I've realised I can't have it all and be both a good mum and good employee. I can't quit my career. I'm the sole earner supporting my little family.

I've come to terms with the fact my career ambitions won't ever likely come back and that's ok. I don't even think I feel sad about it TBH.

It is so hard.

I am exactly the same (although definitely not as ambitious as you). I used to enjoy work and liked to try hard and do my best.

I now have a 3 & 6 year old.
Since going back to work, I just don't care. I can't concentrate, I have so much to do outside of work as well as the mountain of work they give me.

Something has to give, and work just isn't a priority any more. I don't have any useful advice, but you're not alone.