My DM died at the end of last year after an horrific 8 months of chemo, radiotherapy and surgeries. Her husband received her ashes about a month after the funeral. At first he kept them on the side. But that was too upsetting so he put them in the closet where he keeps coats and shoes etc. I've made various suggestions about scattering them somewhere, so has my uncle, my stepsiblings and SD's sister. SB and I said to him that mum loved the sun and the sky and the sea. There are about a dozen places we suggested scattering them but he just kept saying no. He has acknowledged that she would hate to be in a cupboard and locked away in the dark. But wont budge an inch. I suggested getting a pretty urn and keep them in the room that she used for her sewing etc. No. He won't let anyone have anything to do with it, or voice an opinion on it. He says he wants her kept in the closet for "safekeeping". And refuses to discuss it any further. He has early stages of dementia so make allowances for some of his behaviours. I feel like this is maybe where IAMB because its clear that he wants to keep the ashes and not scatter them, possibly due to the dementia, but this is really upsetting the whole family and none of us know what to do about it.
I understand that he's grieving his wife, but I'm struggling with it and feel that if she was at least out of the bloody shoe cupboard I would be able to move past this grief that I feel stuck in.