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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mums ashes

27 replies

Ibuamnti · 04/10/2023 10:11

My DM died at the end of last year after an horrific 8 months of chemo, radiotherapy and surgeries. Her husband received her ashes about a month after the funeral. At first he kept them on the side. But that was too upsetting so he put them in the closet where he keeps coats and shoes etc. I've made various suggestions about scattering them somewhere, so has my uncle, my stepsiblings and SD's sister. SB and I said to him that mum loved the sun and the sky and the sea. There are about a dozen places we suggested scattering them but he just kept saying no. He has acknowledged that she would hate to be in a cupboard and locked away in the dark. But wont budge an inch. I suggested getting a pretty urn and keep them in the room that she used for her sewing etc. No. He won't let anyone have anything to do with it, or voice an opinion on it. He says he wants her kept in the closet for "safekeeping". And refuses to discuss it any further. He has early stages of dementia so make allowances for some of his behaviours. I feel like this is maybe where IAMB because its clear that he wants to keep the ashes and not scatter them, possibly due to the dementia, but this is really upsetting the whole family and none of us know what to do about it.
I understand that he's grieving his wife, but I'm struggling with it and feel that if she was at least out of the bloody shoe cupboard I would be able to move past this grief that I feel stuck in.

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ratherbthedevil · 04/10/2023 10:22

It depends how you look at it, to you scattering her ashes is putting her in a place she'd like, but him keeping them at home might make him feel closer to her.

We have my daughters ashes at home, I can't bring myself to scatter them because then she will be out there alone rather than at home with us. I know others don't agree with it, but that's how I feel. Perhaps your step dad feels similarly.

Claraclouds · 04/10/2023 10:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

LetMeGoogleThat · 04/10/2023 10:31

It's fairly normal for ashes to sit there for a while, it feels like the final, final goodbye to scatter them. My mum sat on top of the cupboard for almost a year before dad could consider scattering her ashes. Maybe, take some of the heat out of it and give him some time, the dementia won’t be helping the situation and he may feel in a corner and confused if everyone is suggesting he is in the wrong. I hate the phrase ‘Time is a good healer’ but it is a good leveller of emotions and sometimes after a loss, you need it.

Sorry for your loss 💐

Topseyt123 · 04/10/2023 10:37

Opinions vary on this, and there can easily be disagreements within families too.

Maybe to him he is keeping her safe at home with him where he feels she belongs. To you she is shut in a cupboard when she should be scattered in a favourite place outdoors to be free, and for closure. Neither is right or wrong.

Could you consider splitting the ashes? Some families do that. He could choose a beautiful urn for his and you would be free to go and scatter yours in an appropriate place? Could that be at least a partial way forward from your current position?

Ibuamnti · 04/10/2023 10:38

I totally get that he feels the need to hold on to a part of mum. I also get that the dementia is likely to be playing a huge part of it. It's the lack of willingness to compromise, even a little, and put her in an urn. Even if he keeps the urn in the cupboard it would give me a bit of comfort that's she's out of the box.

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Lifeinlists · 04/10/2023 10:38

I don't think anyone is being unreasonable really. I can understand how difficult this feels for you but I can also see that he isn't ready to let the ashes go. Maybe he won't change his mind and I wouldn't push it if it only leads to more conflict.

I would try to see it as whatever was 'her' isn't really in those ashes. Your memories and love for her - and her love for you - aren't in that urn, they're permanently with you.
Fwiw we did scatter my mum's ashes as she had detailed it in her will (!) but I actually felt nothing, no connection with that and the person she was. She also had had an awful time before she died (3 years) and maybe I was running on empty by then. There is no memorial of any kind apart from us, her children, grandchildren and now great grandchildren and the influence she had and in some ways, still has. But I think of her every day.

It's a difficult time and I hope you can find a solution that doesn't cause more upset.

Lovethatforyouhun · 04/10/2023 10:40

I’m sorry for your loss.
Its not fair on you what he is doing but its the reality. If he is ill it might be best to make peace with his actions for now. It won’t be forever.

Ibuamnti · 04/10/2023 10:41

Could you consider splitting the ashes?
That's one thing we agreed on right at the start... neither of us want her ashes split.

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Ibuamnti · 04/10/2023 10:49

My SS has a wicked sense of humour and suggested we kidnap her and take her on a road trip/pub crawl, leaving little mounds of Ash in all mums favourite places.. I think that would cause ww3. But mum would have loved it 🤣
I'm going to leave well alone I think and just let it be. I'm looking into getting a memorial plaque on a bench near somewhere she loved to walk, so at least I'll have somewhere to go and remember her.

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User562377 · 04/10/2023 10:51

I'm sorry.

My mil is still in the wardrobe after nearly 2 years. She would have hated that too. But fil and dh just don't seem to think about it. I hate that she's in the wardrobe, it's so undignified. I know she'll stay there now till fil dies and dh will have to make a decision then.

I tell myself that it's not really her. It's only the very last of her remains. Ds put a tiny ornament of a teddy bear beside the box in the wardrobe, that made us feel a bit better. Well it made me feel a bit better, I didn't make a fuss of it with ds. We just did it as a matter of fact thing.

Are you ever in his house without him? Could you even wrap the box in a nice scarf or something? So that you know in your mind that she's been looked after? Or would he notice and get angry?

Rocknrollstar · 04/10/2023 10:52

Would he consider having the ashes put in a teddy bear? DS has some of her husband’s ashes in a pendant round her neck.

Niinja · 04/10/2023 10:55

I think the memorial plaque is a good idea, and @Lifeinlists 's post is excellent. I imagine dementia makes it very difficult to change direction and make decisions. He is doing what he needs to do right now, or all that he can manage. Leave it for a good few months and maybe try again in spring.

PauliesWalnuts · 04/10/2023 11:03

Might he be keeping them until he dies so that they can be scattered or buried together? My cousin has her pets AND her husband in the wardrobe and can't seem to let them go. Her kids are fine with it, and plan on burying them all together when she eventually goes.

AKAanothername · 04/10/2023 11:36

I brought my husband home this week, I really didn't know where to scatter him and I quite like the idea of him still being here with me. I've bought a rather lovely 'sculpture' urn and he's currently on the sideboard, it just looks like an artistic sculpture you would never know that it's got his ashes in it.

I know you say you've mentioned getting a pretty urn, maybe if you showed him some sculpture urns he might be persuaded to take her out of the cupboard?

Cockmigrant · 04/10/2023 11:37

We had similar.
Dad couldn't bear to let the ashes go and had no idea what to do with them really so just kept them in the lounge on top of the bookcase.
I tried discussing where they could be scattered but for various reasons he wasn't open to any of them so I suggested that he just keep them and when his time came her ashes would be buried with him (because he wanted a burial and not cremation). So that's what happened and I think it was the best solution for everyone.

mondaytosunday · 04/10/2023 11:42

Can you ask if he would let you have sone of her ashes? I took some of my Dads to a holiday place he adored. My mother scattered the rest in a garden we now have no access to (I did point this out at the time), so it's nice to know a part of him is where I visit too. I also scattered sone of my mothers and my husband's at the same place, and I confess the rest of my husband's ashes are in a box on the closet. I just haven't figured out what to do with them, and he died 14 years ago.

WetsuitRevolutionary · 04/10/2023 11:54

I'm sorry about your mum. You say that she liked the sea, would you consider a memorial via the RNLI. They do something called Launch A Memory, for a suggested donation of £50 they put your loved one's name on the side of a new lifeboat. The name is obviously small and there'll be thousands of other names alongside it but you get a certificate and can put a photo and a bit about your mum on the website.
My late dad's name is on the new Whitby lifeboat so we're going on holiday there next year to see it. My dad loved the sea so we know he would have been pleased to be remembered in this way.

Blueeyes13 · 04/10/2023 12:03

My Nan is on the shelf in my mum's garage. She's been there two years. Mum doesn't know where to scatter them, so hasn't. I think I'll end up with them both in time, and will scatter them together where my Grandad's ashes were. He probably likes having her close, but perhaps an urn would be too much of a reminder.

Furryrug · 04/10/2023 12:09

Topseyt123 · 04/10/2023 10:37

Opinions vary on this, and there can easily be disagreements within families too.

Maybe to him he is keeping her safe at home with him where he feels she belongs. To you she is shut in a cupboard when she should be scattered in a favourite place outdoors to be free, and for closure. Neither is right or wrong.

Could you consider splitting the ashes? Some families do that. He could choose a beautiful urn for his and you would be free to go and scatter yours in an appropriate place? Could that be at least a partial way forward from your current position?

Edited

We lost my dad in August this year and are going to split his ashes, some will be scattered, we're putting some in a small urn for mum and some of us are having jewellery made with them.I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you can find a way so that everyone is happy x

loislovesstewie · 04/10/2023 12:23

I haven't voted because I don't feel there is a right or wrong. I did split my DHs ashes and tried to please others in their requests, then we scattered the rest in the sea. I thought of it as sending him off on a world tour and setting him free. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you find a way forward.
BTW, I think this; much can be said for each of us making our wishes known so if we would like our ashes scattered or buried we say in advance.My stepmother is buried in my dad's grave [ she was cremated, he wasn't], they are both in with my mum and that was the deal made when dad was very ill. I like the fact they are all together, he was a very loving person and it seems right.

Crazyjanes · 04/10/2023 12:29

Try to let go of the ashes in your mind. Your mum isn’t in a box. She’s in your memories and in all the people who loved her. You have photos and mementos to remember her life. A little box of ashes isn’t her. You can’t use it as an excuse (in the gentlest way possible) to stop moving through your grief. It won’t go away. Maybe you could take comfort in another sentimental object that meant something to her, some jewellery perhaps?

Hbh17 · 04/10/2023 12:33

I have known a family keep ashes in a cupboard for 20+ years, just because they don't know what to do with them. Or be called to collect them by the undertaker's after 10+ years. Some people (ie me) think they are meaningless and just mainly burnt coffin, so I hope mine are chucked away immediately by crematorium staff. The point being that everyone feels differently and, unfortunately, the deceased's husband gets to have the final say.

DutchCowgirl · 04/10/2023 13:04

My dad was seriously ill when my mum died and they had the wish that their ashes got scattered together. Through a miracle we are seven years further now and dad still lives, mums ashes are still in the box. Every winter i think this will be his last Christmas, but he still keeps going.
The time will come someday.

Webbedlife · 04/10/2023 13:40

My father survived my mother. As far as I know he didn't get the chance to discuss her wishes with her as she had advanced dementia at the time of death. Originally he said he'd have a ceremony with close relatives to scatter her ashes, some time after the cremation. He changed his mind and the ashes have sat in a box for 9 years, including one house move. I think it gave him a bit of comfort keeping the ashes with him. When he dies, he currently wants his children to dispose of a share of both their ashes by digging them into our gardens. I don't feel any attachment to her ashes - they are what remains of her body and if consciousness survives in any way at all, I don't think it would stick around in a heap of ash.

Ibuamnti · 04/10/2023 17:21

Thank you for all your replies, it has given me food for thought. Its not actually about the scattering, just the thought of her cooped up in a cupboard that doesn't sit right. She went out every single day. Lockdown was her worst nightmare. SB recently suggested memorial jewellery to SD but he just seems to dig his heels in further anytime her ashes are mentioned. So for now I'm going leave him be. I agree that having her close gives him comfort and perhaps some continuity. I love the idea of the RNLI memorial on a boat. I'm going to Google it.

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