To feel this overwhelmed with two children?

Spicedair · 2023-10-03T19:37:18+00:00

DD is 11 weeks today, DS turns three just before the end of the year, and I’m feeling tearful and exhausted. Logically I know it isn’t forever but I feel wiped out. I forgot what hard, hard work small babies are and life with just ds seems so comparatively simple. I wouldn’t swap DD for the world I just wish things weren’t quite so hard!

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 03/10/2023 20:39

I had three under two,it's so hard.

You're doing great!

Have you got any support?

ReadRum · 03/10/2023 20:40

It’s normal. It gets better when you get a bit more sleep.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 03/10/2023 20:40

Yup it's hard. I struggle with my two who are 2 and 4.
I remember after having ds2 thinking "what have we done" because ds1 was able to walk, talk quite well, didn't have to be so hands on and then to have a newborn was like "oh shit".
BUT it's so good when the youngest starts moving around and interacting with the eldest they have a lot of fun together and I can't imagine what the eldest would be like now if we didn't have the youngest.

Have you go support? You need sleep. Can your partner take annual leave to give you some rest?

Teachingteacher · 03/10/2023 20:41

I was there a year ago OP. I promise it gets much better.

Do you have any help? My DM was a godsend and made the first 3 months manageable for me. Can the older child attend nursery or some kind of childcare, even just part time to allow you time just to focus on the baby?

Im sending you strength

Lorelaigilmore88 · 03/10/2023 20:42

YANBU. 2 young children is damm hard work. And a baby at 11 weeks is exhausting.
Are you on your own? Support from partner/family?
Try not to beat yourself. Sending love

35965a · 03/10/2023 20:43

It gets easier, it really does. It’s so hard with a newborn and toddler. Lower your standards and expectations and everything will seem brighter. Ask for help if and when you need it. You’re doing great, I’m sure. I swear it does get easier.

coxesorangepippin · 03/10/2023 20:44

Normal

Your kids are tiny

Original poster

Spicedair · 03/10/2023 20:45

Thank you - gone all teary again as you’re all being so nice! The daft thing is both children are good little sleepers but they don’t tag team very well. So my night looks like this:

730 pm - get ds in bed
Usually between 8-9 DD goes to sleep
DD wakes at between 2-3 for a feed
DD wakes at around 5 for a feed
DS wakes between 6 and 7 usually but tends to be closer to 6
DD is ready for a nap by 7-8

The above is variable but is tiring, and DD naps really badly in the day so I don’t even get downtime. I was thinking today what a huge difference it would make if I had family who could support, even just taking them for a couple of hours so I could sleep or relax but I just don’t.

DS does go to nursery three days a week, it’s a big help but the nursery runs are a bit disruptive for DD sleep. I’m not complaining but it does make you realise how the logistics are more complex with two which I guess is obvious really

OP posts:

wafflingworrier · 03/10/2023 20:46

Be kind to yourself, it is so hard.

I remember those days when my 2 were young and am sending a massive hug. I remember many,many days were there were less than 10minutes of peace with no one crying in total fir the day, it is relentless.
Just remember, it will get easier. It will! Honestly.

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 03/10/2023 20:51

The hardest thing I’ve ever done is survive the first year with a newborn and toddler/preschooler! It is so tough, the days are never ending and often thankless but then you’ll have many moments when it all just feels so worth it. I promise it gets so much easier and soon you won’t remember what it’s like looking after x1! Just keep asking for support, tell your OH he’s doing the Sunday AM shift, give pizza for dinner, put cbeebies on for every feed, etc, do whatever you need to do to preserve yourself (and your sanity!) and prevent burnout whilst caring for them. xx

wafflingworrier · 03/10/2023 20:53

Spicedair · 03/10/2023 20:45

Thank you - gone all teary again as you’re all being so nice! The daft thing is both children are good little sleepers but they don’t tag team very well. So my night looks like this:

730 pm - get ds in bed
Usually between 8-9 DD goes to sleep
DD wakes at between 2-3 for a feed
DD wakes at around 5 for a feed
DS wakes between 6 and 7 usually but tends to be closer to 6
DD is ready for a nap by 7-8

The above is variable but is tiring, and DD naps really badly in the day so I don’t even get downtime. I was thinking today what a huge difference it would make if I had family who could support, even just taking them for a couple of hours so I could sleep or relax but I just don’t.

DS does go to nursery three days a week, it’s a big help but the nursery runs are a bit disruptive for DD sleep. I’m not complaining but it does make you realise how the logistics are more complex with two which I guess is obvious really

I hear you. It's hard not to feel trapped when the day is carved up by the needs of the children too, plus feeling like a lack of control over your own life because their days naps can be hit and miss?

Do you have any mum friends nearby? Having someone you can talk to really helped me. My husband used to take the kids swimming every Saturday morning so I had a couple of hours on my own, it made a real difference. I don't know if that's possible for you?

I also took up random hobbies so that I could tick something off to feel I'd achieved something "for me", I bought a recipe book once every 2 months and each week I would cook a new recipe. So I look back on the hardest years and think "I taught myself to bake bread that year" rather than "just" surviving it.

I don't know if you want this advice or not, but I'm sending a virtual cup of tea.

PinkMoscatoLover · 03/10/2023 20:54

I had 2 under 2 and the kids have an 11 month age gap. Your post was literally me last summer when my youngest was a couple of months old. I’d go so far as to say I literally hated being a mum.

A year on and life’s great. I look back at pictures and wish I appreciated time more when the children were much younger. They’re now 1 &2. Still stressful but much more easier to manage.

I have no practical advice for now but you’ve got this!

wafflingworrier · 03/10/2023 20:56

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 03/10/2023 20:51

The hardest thing I’ve ever done is survive the first year with a newborn and toddler/preschooler! It is so tough, the days are never ending and often thankless but then you’ll have many moments when it all just feels so worth it. I promise it gets so much easier and soon you won’t remember what it’s like looking after x1! Just keep asking for support, tell your OH he’s doing the Sunday AM shift, give pizza for dinner, put cbeebies on for every feed, etc, do whatever you need to do to preserve yourself (and your sanity!) and prevent burnout whilst caring for them. xx

This is such good advice! If I had a time machine I would tell myself that when mine were young too. Its OK to lower your standards some days, life is hars with young children.
If you can't get any respite, try having kne day a week as a "day off" day when you eat ready meals all day/eat off paper plates, watch too much TV etc just to relax.

I'd also recommend training your toddler to use a Yoto music/story player if you have money to buy one. They r expensive but worth it, ours lasted really well and meant I could train my toddler so the baby's nap time was toddler's independent story time, so I got a bit of time each day on my own in a room to breathe.

Khvdrt · 03/10/2023 20:57

Honestly the first few weeks I felt that if we ended the day with everybody having been fed and in one peace then that was successful. It’s hard but it does get easier mostly once the baby gets into a routine or sleeps better.

NotaCoolMum · 03/10/2023 20:58

Didn’t even need to read full post to tell you YANBU 💖 I only had one and I felt utterly overwhelmed at times 💐💐💐 it gets better xx

Haveyouseenthemuffinman · 03/10/2023 21:01

I promise it gets easier. Doing anything with my two children when they were tiny seemed like a massive challenge and I couldn’t work out how people did it.

weirdly, when I had my third, it felt easier - I took all 3 out solo when the youngest was three weeks old, but my middle one was 6 months + when I was happy doing double timing with them.

so Yanbu, but this will pass

Original poster

Spicedair · 03/10/2023 21:06

Thank you! Toddler has a Tonie box on his list for his birthday I hope he’ll like it. It’s really encouraging to see it’s worked out. I find we’re fine out of the house but I sometimes get so stressed and snap and then hate myself. So today for instance we come home and DD was crying hysterically and I opened the car door for ds and he was just taking forever to get out, so so frustrating. So I shouted at him, and he really hadn’t done anything wrong

OP posts:

BananaSlug · 03/10/2023 21:06

An 11 week old and a toddler is going to be tough, it’s normal. I had 4 under 6 including a newborn and it wasn’t easy (still isn’t 🤣)

Argeebargeee · 03/10/2023 21:10

It really is such a difficult time. My DS was just 3 when DD was born and like you we had no help. I used to cry when I saw my friends kids out with their grandparents!

To echo what everyone else has said, it really does get better. Mine are now 7 and 4 and play happily together, and I can actually get stuff done.

Until that happens, lower your expectations and say yes if anyone offers any sort of help! Don’t feel bad about it, if people know you are struggling they will be glad to help.

Pinkandgreentrousers · 03/10/2023 21:11

I have 4 children who are late teens and 20 now, I can still remember how hard it was going from 1 child to 2. I had 2 years between the older 2 and it was really hard when the 2nd was born. He was a terrible sleeper too. Try and get someone who can take baby for a walk in the pram so you can have a break.