To still be angry my school friend died 50 years later

[hateherfordying]

Coming up to the 50th anniversary of my best friend's death in a hit and run. We were 15. I feel like I will never get out from under the shadow of this. Everything I have ever had, O levels, A levels, degree, career, marriage, home, children, grandchildren, holidays, is spoilt because I don't know why I've got it and she hasn't. I think of her and feel angry every day

Cruse bereavement are wonderful and can help with long ago loss. Would you consider some sessions?

I’m seconding this to a point, OP. My best friend died a few months ago, horribly suddenly in her mid thirties, a few weeks before her birthday. Obviously it has left us all reeling. I am devastated that she won’t be there to see me get married, I won’t be at her wedding, when I have children they will never get to meet her and I’m so desperately sad she will never get to be the great mum she would have been. My birthday is coming up and I’ll be the age she was when she died and I’m dreading next year when I’ll be the age she never got to be.

BUT. I want to live my life and do it well and make the most of it because she can’t. I want to remember her in all these things and be sad she’s not there and then laugh at whatever joke she would have made, what lovely thing she would have said etc.

It sounds like you have some sort of PTSD. Would your friend want you to have everything spoilt for your whole life?

So sorry to hear this and sending hugs. My best friend died 9 years ago, she killed herself, and there’s so much I wish I could talk to her about. She was young too, 25. It hurts so much still. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. Sorry not much advice but I feel your pain.

No, not everyone does.

For some the pain is too much to bear.

Have you ever been to counselling to help your talk through your feelings amd how you might move forward with less guilt.
They must have been a dear friend. It's always hard when loose someone so young with so much ahead of them taken away.
It's lovely you still think of them, I hope they are looking down fondly at you.

There's a 13-year-old near me who died this week in a motorway accident and I'm sure her family have all this ahead of them. It's just awful. I'm so sorry you lost your friend and for anyone who lost a child. 💐

My relative died in her 20s, she had a young child. Will never understand why her. Yanbu op.

How much therapy have you had, OP? A good friend of mine was killed in an RTC when I was in my late teens. It still affects me now, over 30 years later. But I wouldn't say I live in the shadow of this. I remember her on birthdays and at important moments in my life. I've lost other people since, all far too young, but I feel like I need to live on for them, if I can. I feel like the young man who killed my friend ended her life, but I don't want that then to ruin my life.

Losing her contributed to my depression and breakdown some 20 years after she died. But although I carry the pain with me, it is bearable. Life is random and cruel but I gave myself permission to enjoy some of my time despite that. I think you need help because you are allowed some happiness.

Thanks for your messages. I am going to contact cruse. I have tried counselling in the past, but it didn't help. I think it might be time to try again

I'm so sorry OP 💐 it's not fair at all.

Im sorry, OP. in one way, the fact you've never forgotten her is a beautiful legacy. But you still have deep pain and I hope you can find peace somehow.

My daughter's boyfriend (19) was killed this summer and while she is living her life better than I'd hoped, her pain is every day. I think it's the tragedy of young people who go before their time that haunts us so. It's messed up the order of the world. I wonder how she will be at 50. I imagine part of her will always grieve what could have been.