Autism or anxiety or what's going on ?

[thepress]

Firstly I'm in Ireland so CAMHS and ASD services including assessment are entirely different entities.
My early teen boy has been anxious all of his young life. This ramped up during periods of high stress, trauma and change eg Dad walking out, change of school, change of home etc.
He has had signs go any episodes of acute separation anxiety to the extent that I have been unable to go to shower on my own at times.
He still tries to sleep in my bed and control my every move.
He wa referred to CAMHS for suicidal ideation following some emotional outbursts where he said he didn't want to live anymore and was going to take his life. He would often apologise straight away after and say he had no intention of it.

CAMHS said that his anxiety is due to masked ASD in their opinion. His sister has ASD, as has Dad I believe.
He is in the middle of ADOS assessment.

Dad is aggressive, shouty and threatening. He has nothing to do with his father anymore and refuses to spend any time with him. He was afraid of him in retrospect. Dad is a critical and negative joy sucker anyway so we are well rid.
My child's major issue is friendships and I wanted to pick the brains of the experienced here if I may....

I am told regularly that my child is well liked, very funny, entertaining, great craic etc etc but he will tell me that they don't like him and that he doesn't have any ' true' friends...

He doesn't and never did. He is a follower but I watched him interact one day and he was not like the child I know and love.
He was showing off, loud, going against minor rules and essentially attention seeking. Everybody loved this of course and scarpered once the leaders arrived to see what the commotion was all about so these comments about him being great fun etc etc make sense.

He has just started second level school and there's a big gang of them hanging around the yard at breaks, having fun.
He hasnt been invited to any activities or events and this hurts him.
These are sports and he doesn't do sports .He is terribly hurt and feels lonely and sad but to the outside world appears jovial, great craic etc...

Have you any opinions on this?

Thanks for responses.
Absolutely no hobbies.Have tried everything to get him involved in something. He is thinking of rugby now and lives the outdoors in summer eg swimming, kayaking, gentle hikes.

He's also very overweight and unfit. CAMHS think he has an eating disorder. He over eats, comfort eats, has debs and steals food.
He tries to control where I go, what I do, who I see, when I come home, what I eat and what my drink. The Psychiatrist told me that this quite common in children ' like him'.
He is a taking school seriously. Trying to please teachers , studying and doing well but I got an email about his punctuality to classes and organisation being an issue.
He has zero confidence behind closed doors. Hates himself, hates his body.

Craves a deep and strong friendship but doesn't accept that this takes a lot of time to build.

Ha diet is varied. He has a huge appetite
Breakfast.. cereal and
Milk
Lunch.... soup and roll or chicken roll
Dinner .... chicken pasta bake/ spaghetti bol/ roast dinner/ fajitas.
He could easily eat twice if not three times the recommended portion and then if he got his hands in sweets or chocolate, there is no off switch.
He has been to a GI consultant for gastro/ bowel issues, a registered dietician, the GP on a number of occasions for GI issues.
He is currently moderating his intake himself.
He loves to cook so presently, I'm coming in from this angle to encourage a varied and balanced set of recipes/ diet.
Believe me, I've tried everything but he is always one step ahead of me and his mental health issues have really just broken me down.
Trying to get him to exercise is another bloody nightmare. It's one fight after another with him.

I don't know much about this admittedly but anxiety in itself is not autism. I do know autism is much boarder than that but can only be diagnosed by a professional.

Could anyone else shed any light on this please or offer any ideas or advice that I haven't thought of ?

There was a similar debate when my son was going through the diagnostic process.

In the end he was diagnosed with both autism and general anxiety disorder.

In a way the diagnosis doesn't really matter, it is the need that needs to be addressed. Anxiety and autism often go hand in hand as the sensory and communication difficulties that autistic people face cause anxiety. For my DS anxiety medication has been life saving and has made the world a bearable place. They have not taken the autism away though.

I would push for the needs to be addressed. CAMHS should be dealing with the anxiety and eating disorder regardless of the outcome of the autism assessment.

I agree with others that you need to prioritise the weight issue, this will give him other health and social anxiety issues in the future.