To be too sensitive to my partner?

Pumpkinspice12 · 2023-10-02T20:24:25+00:00

Went and stayed at my partners over the weekend as was feeling low due to stuff going on in my personal life. I had some bad news on Friday too. I told my partner this and I went over Saturday. When I went round we were talking and she said to me that she had been complaining about me to her work colleague. I said oh that's nice, thanks and she said I'm sure you moaning about me. I said well no I don't actually. Then we got onto the subject of my bad news I received. I began discussing it and she joined in. Then she flicked on the TV when I was half way through talking and said something like have we watched this? I got upset because I said this is a big thing and you're acting like you're not interested and don't care because you just talked over me and said that. Aibu to be upset with my partner? Given they knew how upset I was?

Original poster

Pumpkinspice12 · 02/10/2023 22:45

Bump

OP posts:

Testina · 02/10/2023 22:49

“I got upset because I said this is a big thing and you're acting like you're not interested and don't care because you just talked over me and said that.”

What did she say to that?

We can’t say whether she genuinely thought you were done talking, but her response to you explaining that is important.

Testina · 02/10/2023 22:52

“When I went round we were talking and she said to me that she had been complaining about me to her work colleague. I said oh that's nice, thanks and she said I'm sure you moaning about me. I said well no I don't actually”

This doesn’t sound very nice, but it needs context, really. It could be (most likely is) a mean way of putting you down - suggesting that your shortcomings are so bad that her colleagues would agree. But there’s not enough detail really.

User10932 · 02/10/2023 22:57

Hard to say as quite vague. She doesn’t sound particularly kind towards your feelings, but it’s hard to say whether that’s because she’s just unkind or bored of you being sensitive. I have friends who are just naturally quite woe is me, negative about situations but I do try to be sensitive towards them but pragmatic too

Original poster

Pumpkinspice12 · 03/10/2023 06:14

So to give more context. I am going through court atm with abusive ex for child contact. I've got the police involved due to threatening messages from him. He's emotionally manipulating our DS and i tried to call CADs and so many other services. Anyway my ex is trying to get the school on his side and the headteacher disclosed that I went to the police about him which isn't his job and put me and DS in potential danger. Every professional I've spoken to have been completely shocked the head did this. I lodged a complaint to the governors. My bad news was I received the outcome and although the chair and head acknowledge wrong doing nothing is going to happen. Not only this but the head has recently disclosed more personal info to ex which resulted in my DS being emotionally manipulated by ex and me receiving more harassment from ex. So ive lodged a further complaint. My life has been hell for the past 6 months. So I was discussing the outcome with DP of the governors. I was in the middle of discussing it and then she turned and said that about the TV programme.

OP posts:

Aydahayda · 03/10/2023 06:19

Wow. That is really unkind, uncaring, and
more

Original poster

Pumpkinspice12 · 03/10/2023 06:26

Testina · 02/10/2023 22:49

“I got upset because I said this is a big thing and you're acting like you're not interested and don't care because you just talked over me and said that.”

What did she say to that?

We can’t say whether she genuinely thought you were done talking, but her response to you explaining that is important.

She said we do it to each other all the time and she just wanted to put something on in the background. We don't do that to each other all the time though. I wouldn't do that to her when she's clearly upset and nearly crying

OP posts:

B1993 · 03/10/2023 06:32

She's complaining about you to colleagues and seems very dismissive of your feelings and doesn't appear to have shown any emotional support (or even availability) in this scenario. If this is generally how the relationship is, I think you need to end it now before you get hurt further. Try to find a friend or family member that can support you through the proceedings with your ex instead.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 03/10/2023 06:41

How long have you been together?

Original poster

Pumpkinspice12 · 03/10/2023 06:46

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 03/10/2023 06:41

How long have you been together?

Almost 3 years

OP posts:

Dotcheck · 03/10/2023 06:48

Well….
not great that she didn’t want to talk, but how much are you offloading on to her? If your ex and your issues with him are your primary topic of conversation, I wonder if she just needs a break from it?

Original poster

Pumpkinspice12 · 03/10/2023 07:04

Dotcheck · 03/10/2023 06:48

Well….
not great that she didn’t want to talk, but how much are you offloading on to her? If your ex and your issues with him are your primary topic of conversation, I wonder if she just needs a break from it?

I'd found out the news of the outcome the night before. I was there for her last year during her tough times. Isn't that what a partner is suppose to be a support to you through good and bad?

OP posts:

Testina · 03/10/2023 07:53

So she was dismissive of your initial need to offload, then dismissive when you explained that her behaviour had upset you.

Was this a one off? (I am going to guess not)

Original poster

Pumpkinspice12 · 03/10/2023 15:33

Testina · 03/10/2023 07:53

So she was dismissive of your initial need to offload, then dismissive when you explained that her behaviour had upset you.

Was this a one off? (I am going to guess not)

No unfortunately it's a one off. I have said before I don't feel like she's supportive. Where as I've been when she's needed me

OP posts:

Testina · 03/10/2023 17:08

Well there’s your answer. She’s repeatedly not supportive, and when you raise that with her she’s dismissive. Time to move on, I think.

UpaladderwatchingTV · 03/10/2023 17:34

I agree that it's time to move on OP. This woman isn't giving you the support you need, and is even bad mouthing you to work colleagues. She doesn't sound like she really cares about you or your feelings at all. Not what you need under the present circumstances. Get rid!

ManateeFair · 03/10/2023 17:51

Your partner sounds absolutely horrible.

There are a lot of red flags in your description of your partner's behaviour and I don't think she is good for you at all.

I do understand what people when they say maybe she feels like you offload on to her too much, but you've clearly been through an awful time and you were raw from having bad news. Just putting the telly on mid-conversation and saying 'Oh, have we watched this?' while you were telling her some really distressing news isn't just thoughtless - it's actively cruel in quite a sly and insidious way.

Telling you that she'd been complaining about you to her colleagues was also really shitty of her. I'm sure it's pretty normal for people to moan about their partners sometimes, but there was no reason for her to tell you that other than to make you feel shit and insecure - doubly mean of her, given she knew you were already feeling low.

Original poster

Pumpkinspice12 · 03/10/2023 19:46

ManateeFair · 03/10/2023 17:51

Your partner sounds absolutely horrible.

There are a lot of red flags in your description of your partner's behaviour and I don't think she is good for you at all.

I do understand what people when they say maybe she feels like you offload on to her too much, but you've clearly been through an awful time and you were raw from having bad news. Just putting the telly on mid-conversation and saying 'Oh, have we watched this?' while you were telling her some really distressing news isn't just thoughtless - it's actively cruel in quite a sly and insidious way.

Telling you that she'd been complaining about you to her colleagues was also really shitty of her. I'm sure it's pretty normal for people to moan about their partners sometimes, but there was no reason for her to tell you that other than to make you feel shit and insecure - doubly mean of her, given she knew you were already feeling low.

Yea I get perhaps you would moan but why would she tell me that especially after I text her and said I'm feeling low and flat today and then she suggest I came over. Then she said all that. Just baffles me

OP posts:

ManateeFair · 04/10/2023 12:12

Pumpkinspice12 · 03/10/2023 19:46

Yea I get perhaps you would moan but why would she tell me that especially after I text her and said I'm feeling low and flat today and then she suggest I came over. Then she said all that. Just baffles me

Show quote history

but why would she tell me that especially after I text her and said I'm feeling low and flat today

Because she's not a very nice person and she's deliberately chipping away at your confidence.

knockyknees · 05/10/2023 06:42

Anyway my ex is trying to get the school on his side and the headteacher disclosed that I went to the police about him which isn't his job and put me and DS in potential danger.
Not only this but the head has recently disclosed more personal info to ex which resulted in my DS being emotionally manipulated by ex and me receiving more harassment from ex

I think the biggest issue here is the idiotic and unprofessional head teacher. Your current partner may or may not be acting unsympathetically, but either way presumably her (in)actions won't lead to your life being in danger/harassment.

I see you've put in a complaint to the governors, which resulted in a disgusting non response (basically), so now I'd be taking the complaint about the head even higher - education department, local authority (whichever applies in your jurisdiction).