To refuse to go this work event

[Clarabeans]

I’m 10 weeks pregnant and really struggling with nausea and exhaustion. It is much worse in the evening, it usually comes on around 5pm and I end up in bed at 7pm. I’ve been managing it by working from home as if I commute I don’t get home until 7pm or later and most times when that happens I end up being physically sick all evening. My commute partly involves public transport and I’ve become really prone to travel sickness since falling pregnant which makes the sickness worse.

Ive been asked to go to a work event this week that won’t finish until 7pm, I will then have to commute home so won’t be back until after 8 ish. There won’t be proper food at the event either so I won’t be able to eat until late. I’m getting so worried about it as I know it’s going to knock me all evening and into the next day. My managers do know I’m pregnant but they just say the event is compulsory (it’s an internal team day). I’m not sure if I’m just being pathetic or if I can refuse to attend? I’m actually still awake now as I’m worrying about it and the impact on my reputation if I don’t go and my health if I do go!

As you finishing so late and dependent on picking transport, would they pay for a taxi? Would that help? But if speak to HR about what happens if you leave at usual work time

Hi @Clarabeans

Get yourself signed off. I've had two dreadful pregnancies, currently 30 weeks in to second and still throwing up most days. It's relentless. The only thing you should be doing is resting at home. Like you I only had relief going to bed so nothing would ever come in the way of that.

I hope you feel better soon x

I feel for you OP, I am also nearly 10wks and feel the same way. By bedtime I am a naueous and exhausted wreck. I would explain this to them clearly, and if you detect any reticence, offer to obtain a Drs note.

What is the nature of the event? Is it internal/team building?

Put something in writing - as they know, you're pregnant and have been suffering from pregnancy nausea especially in the early evening. You'd like to be able to attend the event but wanted to warn them in case you become too unwell to work.
Take food and snacks.
Eat when you need to/in advance.
Play it by ear on the day. If you become too ill to work you're too ill to work.
Make sure nothing critical scheduled for the following day just in case and let them know this too.

Do not go! People who have never had bad pregnancy sickness don't realise how bad it is. I used to get it worse in the evenings as well and once you've set off the vomiting, it can last all night and it's not ok to put yourself in that situation. Also the exhaustion at this point in my pregnancy was at its worse as well. The irony is when you don't look pregnant at 10 weeks you feel the worst but people have no sympathy and expect you to carry on like nothings changed, but then when your huge and feel fine later on people make loads of allowances for you that are welcome, but not as needed as they were when you were 10 weeks! Call in sick, have a day off, their fault for being unreasonable! Xx

Go & throw up on them
then leave early

Only you know how badly it will affect you.

If you're otherwise a good employee then I can't imagine it would go against you if you have to head early to avoid getting sick.

If it does go against you then I'm not sure there's any reasoning that can be done with them anyway so do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Most team events have a tea break/comfort break with snacks. I'd make the effort to go as your employer deems it to be important, but leave early if it becomes too much. You've been lucky to be allowed to work from home so much - are other employees allowed to do this?

Your employer has to make reasonable adjustments OP as your pregnancy is a protected characteristic of the Equality Act 2010.

I suggest you have a word with HR.