Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Non molestation order against me HELP!!

19 replies

Hewontacceptitsover · 02/10/2023 18:47

Posting here for views

Brief description of what's happened. Split with my narcissistic ex, he refused to leave despite house being in my sole name, got himself a new gf within weeks but still kept getting into bed with me, trying to touch me, asking for sex one last time. This was relentless, I have 6 hour audio recordings of his nightime harassment. He would deliberately provoke me and the children and there were many arguments. Eventually I plucked up the courage to call the police and he was subsequently removed from my house and ordered not to return. Which he did less than 24 hours later, he was then removed again and cautioned. I took the children away on holiday and he broke in and stole a lot of stuff from the house, including my bed!!

Months back he started a campaign against me to try and ruin my life, ss reports, police reports, telling everyone i was mentally ill etc and he then applied for a non molestation order against me. The hearing was put back twice, since his application which was completely fabricated, he has been arrested for burglary and assault against me. He has bail conditions meaning he cannot come near my house or have any contact with me. I have now recieved a court date for me to go in and say whether I agree or disagree with the order. I'm really stressed out at the prospect of this, I cannot face seeing him again, has anyone any experience of being the respondant to a non molestation order? Or anyone able to offer any advice as to how I should respond. I cannot afford legal representation and do not qualify for legal aid.

Thanks for reading, any responses greatly appreciated

OP posts:
CeciliaMars · 02/10/2023 19:10

You poor thing - he sounds like a complete nightmare! I would imagine the case will just be thrown out on the basis of your evidence, but I'm so sorry he is putting you through this. I am amazed it has got as far as court to be honest. Could you approach citizen's advice or some kind of Women's Aid charity for support? Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be around soon...wishing you all the best.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 02/10/2023 19:21

Sounds like Womens Aid or a DA charity would be the best bet, I am sure this is a common abuse tactic.

DewDropsonKittens · 02/10/2023 19:24

You need to find out how to be referred to your local DASV - IDVA service and request support from one so they can support you.

You can request a mackenzie friend to offer you advice also.

Original poster
Hewontacceptitsover · 02/10/2023 19:25

Thanks for the replies. I do have a New Era caseworker but every avenue they suggest seems to get me nowhere. I just want it all over then I can start building the best life for my children.

OP posts:
TicTacNicNak · 02/10/2023 19:26

For his application to succeed he must be in need of protection and he must have supporting evidence, so there's no guarantee he'll be successful.

Possibly he's hoping to get the order and will then contact you to coerce you to communicate with him (thus breaching the order) which will be classed as you committing a criminal offence. It's all mind games OP.

PoisonMaple · 02/10/2023 19:33

Hewontacceptitsover · 02/10/2023 18:47

Posting here for views

Brief description of what's happened. Split with my narcissistic ex, he refused to leave despite house being in my sole name, got himself a new gf within weeks but still kept getting into bed with me, trying to touch me, asking for sex one last time. This was relentless, I have 6 hour audio recordings of his nightime harassment. He would deliberately provoke me and the children and there were many arguments. Eventually I plucked up the courage to call the police and he was subsequently removed from my house and ordered not to return. Which he did less than 24 hours later, he was then removed again and cautioned. I took the children away on holiday and he broke in and stole a lot of stuff from the house, including my bed!!

Months back he started a campaign against me to try and ruin my life, ss reports, police reports, telling everyone i was mentally ill etc and he then applied for a non molestation order against me. The hearing was put back twice, since his application which was completely fabricated, he has been arrested for burglary and assault against me. He has bail conditions meaning he cannot come near my house or have any contact with me. I have now recieved a court date for me to go in and say whether I agree or disagree with the order. I'm really stressed out at the prospect of this, I cannot face seeing him again, has anyone any experience of being the respondant to a non molestation order? Or anyone able to offer any advice as to how I should respond. I cannot afford legal representation and do not qualify for legal aid.

Thanks for reading, any responses greatly appreciated

You absolutely do qualify for legal aid under the grounds of Domestic Abuse.

Find a family law firm near you that offers it.

bonzaitree · 02/10/2023 19:34

You need a solicitor OP and proper legal advice.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 02/10/2023 19:34

You can use all of the recordings, police reports, CSC reports, emails, text messages etc to defend yourself, make sure you have a copy of everything to show in court.

He needs evidence to prove you have been abusive towards him. Have a think if there’s anything you’ve said or done (understandably) that you may need to defend ie if he’s provoked you into saying something, try to provide evidence of what lead up to that.

If, by some chance, he gets the non-mol, that’s kind of good for you in a way, it means you can’t contact him and therefore you can just ignore any further contact he has with you! Just, whatever you do, if he does get one, don’t breach it or that can result in a criminal record.

Get yourself a ring door bell camera that records if he comes to your door.

At this level of harassment, I’d be applying for my own non-mol order against him.

Original poster
Hewontacceptitsover · 02/10/2023 19:43

Thank you,

He submitted 31 photos of me to the court all are me just standing, quite often with items such as towels or wash bags as he will have started winding me up when I'm going about my daily life. His mother has sent video clips of me apparently being violent, to the police but they were instantly dismissed as malicious and edited as none were longer than 3 seconds. Both him and his mother have reported me to social services at least 4 times each, its now at the point the social worker closes the case before even contacting me.

I've got the doorbell,that was my first thing to do. Next is a new hard drive for the cctv as he took that when he broke in.

I have the forms all filled out but my caseworker said it was pointless as now the bail conditions are in place they probably wouldn't issue the non molestation order.

Im just so stressed about having to see him in court.

OP posts:
nevynevster · 02/10/2023 19:50

Your social worker sounds sensible. The judge will throw this out. Don't worry, just turn up and explain

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/10/2023 19:54

Worth asking the social worker if they’d write to confirm:
a) no concerns about you
b) concerns about him
c) he makes malicious allegations.

MidnightOnceMore · 02/10/2023 19:58

Have you asked a solicitor if you qualify for legal aid?

Original poster
Hewontacceptitsover · 02/10/2023 20:03

MidnightOnceMore · 02/10/2023 19:58

Have you asked a solicitor if you qualify for legal aid?

Yes I have, I contacted several solicitors. All say the same that as I have too much equity I don't qualify. Even DV Assist quoted around £4k to get an occupation order against him.

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 02/10/2023 20:06

You need to try places like Women's Aid. A legal charity might be able to offer you a McKenzie friend at least

www.legalchoices.org.uk/types-of-lawyers/other-lawyers/mckenzie-friends

GingerIsBest · 02/10/2023 20:07

I am not a legal expert but surely a judge is going to take a look at the case and go, "hang on man, you have bail conditions that say you have been violent, coercive etc and you are not allowed near her house etc.... what exactly do you even need a non-molestation order for?"

YukoandHiro · 02/10/2023 20:07

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/10/2023 19:54

Worth asking the social worker if they’d write to confirm:
a) no concerns about you
b) concerns about him
c) he makes malicious allegations.

Yes good idea.

Any documentation on your character and his you can get from any officials in your life (doctor, teachers, social workers) would be helpful.

NewSw19 · 02/10/2023 20:10

You can email the court and ask for special measures - such as a screen / separate waiting areas / times to exit the court - you'd have to do this urgently though as they take a while to email back

^ incase that helps with seeing your ex in court

Martz · 02/10/2023 20:30

NewSw19 · 02/10/2023 20:10

You can email the court and ask for special measures - such as a screen / separate waiting areas / times to exit the court - you'd have to do this urgently though as they take a while to email back

^ incase that helps with seeing your ex in court

I think this would only apply for vulnerable and intimidated victims or witnesses, although the OP would be classed as intimidated, it appears in this circumstance she’d be attending as the defendant and therefore I’m not sure she would qualify for special measures. OP do you work and pay into a union or life insurance? Some unions and life insurance policies include legal cover, which you may be able to contact and seek some advice? Sorry you’re in this situation, it sounds incredibly difficult and stressful.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page