Not over his ex and I don’t think I compare

[Cleia]

I’m 24, I have a 2 year old little girl. I’m not smart and I’m not all that attractive. I work in a shop, live with my parents, looking at going to college but not sure yet as I hated school.
I recently started seeing a guy, different league, he’s smart, handsome, lawyer etc.
My friends think he’s misogynistic and he’s with me because I don’t challenge him and in my friends words “worship him” I don’t think I worship him, I love him to pieces but we have our fall outs I don’t think he’s perfect.
Today I met up with him at the coffee shop in Waterstones on his lunch, I wanted to get the little one some new books and it’s near his work. By chance his ex was there too. This isn’t surprising she works near there too.
He spent the whole lunch talking to her at the table beside us, introduced me as a friend and barely included me in the convo. I’ve always worried he wasn’t over her, he tells me he broke up with her because she was stubborn and argumentative.
We are totally different types of women, she has a masters degree works in finance or consultancy something like that, is charismatic and drop dead gorgeous, could have any man she wanted.
I told my friend about it as I was a bit upset and my friend thinks that spending almost an hour talking to her means he isn’t over, that introducing me as a friend despite being together for 5 months is disrespectful and the real reason he broke up with her is probably because he views her as a threat and stubborn actually means she didn’t roll over and do what he wants and argumentative means stood up for what she believed in.
Im thinking I should leave him but sort of was impartial opinions, he isn’t over her right? And I can’t compete with her? And regardless of that he does he sound like a misogynist?
I really love him and I don’t want to leave unless it’s really the best thing.
AIBU to be thinking I should leave? Is my friend being harsh?

Jesus: dump him and work on yourself. The way you rank yourself and other people is a recipe for disaster.

Dump dump dump. And don't get together with anyone else until you've formed a nicer view of yourself.

Oh my gosh. Dump him and work on liking yourself more. You're inviting him to abuse you with your low self esteem. You need to get ok being alone and feel better about yourself altogether before you even entertain being with someone else.

I would dump him purely for introducing you as a friend. He’s not serious about you.

It doesn't matter whether you can or can't compete with her looks and brains.

The fact of the matter is your boyfriend of 5 months introduced you as a 'friend'.

And you're right, it sounds as though he's not over her.

I'm sorry but you need to gather some self respect and dump him.

There's a lot of stuff here

But yes. You've been together five months and you get introduced as a friend? No. Hard pass.

He ignores you and talks to his ex in front of you the entire time? No. Fuck that

Who cares whether he still loves her/hates her guts. (Though I suspect your friend has the measure of him) the fact is he's not treating you with respect.

And lastly but most importantly. Love yourself. Do some work on this. This is the most important thing. You are wonderful. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be loved.

I think arseholes can sense when you feel 'lucky' to be dating someone. And trust me, they will use that against you. They will grind you down.

There's someone out there for everyone. And the right person will make you feel that they're the lucky ones for finding you.

I told my friend about it as I was a bit upset and my friend thinks that spending almost an hour talking to her means he isn’t over, that introducing me as a friend despite being together for 5 months is disrespectful and the real reason he broke up with her is probably because he views her as a threat and stubborn actually means she didn’t roll over and do what he wants and argumentative means stood up for what she believed in.

Yup. That's pretty much it.

Please bin him OP. It appears you are someone to fill a gap for him as he is not over his ex. Introducing you as a “friend” is a huge red flag. As another person said, work on improving your self worth. For the record your post is articulate, has accurate spelling and punctuation. You are clear eyed enough to assess this situation accurately. Don’t under-rate yourself - you are much smarter than you give yourself credit for.

If I had been dating a man for five months and he introduced me to his ex as “a friend” that would be it. I would have stood up and left immediately.

Please work on your sense of self worth OP. No man who acts in this way is even worthy of you “considering” to keep.

Bin him.

Yes, your friend's on the money. You've got a wise friend and an awful boyfriend! You deserve better than him.

Good luck with college and with building up your self-worth.

I'd have been gutted to be introduced as a friend. Think that would be it for me.

The way you talk about yourself suggests you have low self esteem. His behavior is disgusting. For one always listen to how someone speaks of their ex. Big big red flag if they speak negatively of them. Two, him speaking to her for that long, not including you and introducing you as a friend.... more red flags. Also, this could very well be a tactic to make you start questioning yourself. It is used a lot by abusive people. Besides that, you say you don't challenge him and that is why your friends feel he is with you. There could be truth to that. Toxic people tend to seek out people with low self esteem. Low self esteem means you are less likely to stand up for yourself. It is very plausible he was able to identify how you feel about yourself.

You said it has been 5 months and you love him to pieces. Eekkk. That is quite soon. Very soon actually to feel that way. Is it possible he love bombed you when you first met? Another tactic that is used by toxic people to gain control.

It sounds like it may be in your best interest to leave this relationship. It doesn't seem like any good will come from this. You may find it very difficult to leave once you make the steps. It's possible he will even shower you with affection if he gets any whiff that you are thinking of ending things. You are worth so much better. Please don't subject yourself and your child to this life. Work on how you speak to yourself. You deserve better than to settle for a man you think is out of your league because of social status. Your daughter will see how you speak to yourself and do the same.