Don't know how to describe how I'm feeling

[elm26]

I'm in a bit of a rut.

I've had depression and anxiety since my early teen years and have been on Citalopram for a few years (been on others before that) and have recently increased dose to 40mg from 30mg.

My DD is 4 months old and an absolute joy, we had 13 unexplained miscarriages over 9 years so she really is the biggest blessing to us. I will admit that it's obviously hard work too.

I don't feel depressed at the minute but I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, bored? Does that make sense? I don't feel sad, or happy. Just a bit flat. I can't relax. Even when DD is in bed I just cannot switch off. Used to love reading. I pick up my kindle now and re read the same page 6 times as I'm thinking of something else.

We are currently in a 1 bedroom flat with DD and dog and will be in a 2 bed house by January. We private rent and everything is so expensive, it bothers me every day that we can't afford to buy anywhere.

My car is no longer big enough for us. DD's pram and getting the dog in. The seats and boot are being ruined by dog hair and mud from walks.

DH runs his own business (works in a trade) and we need to sell his old van before we can buy a new car, we've had a couple of people waste our time with it, but DH is so busy with work it's just sat outside when I really need it sold to get a bigger car.x

I need to get organised with the way we live. I need to sort through drawers etc and declutter, file away letters and paperwork etc. trying to dry laundry indoors is a nightmare because it's so small in here, it gets damp and I'm overrun with laundry because I can only do one load a day.

I'm fed up of our sofa, it's so uncomfortable. Desperate for a new one but no point in buying until we are moved. Our bed is only a double and I'm finding it harder and harder to sleep with DH, he's so fidgety and a double just isn't big enough for us.

I feel like chucking all of my clothes out and starting again, I've got so much stuff but still feel scruffy every day.

I forget everything, I even write it all on a calendar and I still double book to see friends etc.

I'm just overwhelmed, I feel like there is too much noise in my head, everything is getting to me, I feel suffocated and shit.

Please somebody give me some tips on how to manage "life", I feel like I am not normal and seem overwhelmed by the tiniest thing!

First off, speak to the health visitor / GP. It sounds to me like you've just hit your limit.

Jobs: Get two sheets of paper, head one DP and the other Me. Write down what things are essential - but divide them up. Van - if it needs changing, DP can sort.

Then look at the lists. Divide into immediate, need sorting and can be left. Work down these. And leave the ones on DP's list, just remind him about them.

Calendars etc: use a paper on - get a family planner from one of the supermarkets and use that instead of phones etc; or set up a family one that you & DP add to, and put automatic reminders.

Clothes: don't do that now. But: sort into spring/summer and autumn/winter piles and shove the spring/summer into vacuum bags. This will also help with moving.

Cleaning: make a rota. It's the only thing that worked for us, as I swear DH wouldn't see dust/mess if it bit him on the balls.

And finally - when DC has a nap, TAKE ONE. Yes, I know it's hard, especially with a million and one things that need to be done, but it will help. And if anyone offers to help - let them. Give them a task - could MIL/your mum take a load of washing?

Sending a hug xxx