To want to have my name for kids

[Sumotwins]

I have separated from my relationship. Reluctantly when my kids were born I allowed them to have my ex’s surname and not a double barrelled surname including my surname, as I wanted.
I want to give the kids my surname too. AIBU to have the kids ‘known as’ jones-smith for example instead of just smith.
maybe it’s silly but I hate having a different surname to them and they are just babies so wouldn’t know any different growing up.

Completely reasonable. You can get it done by deed poll very easily. I would do it now while they are still young- mine were a bit older when I split from ex and didn’t want to change their name as they were used to it!

I don't think that's unreasonable at all. It's lovely for them to share the same name as you. I think it's very misogynistic that people think the child should have the fathers surname, in some cultures that's never the case and its always mothers surname xx

Yes, it's completely reasonable for you to double-barrel it. It's the fairest option.

Totally reasonable OP

Not a dig at you personally but I do wish women would give the name thing more thought given the high failure rate of relationships.

Absolutely reasonable! You’ll
also encounter practical issues if you don’t have the same surname ie at passport control.

You can't do it formally without his permission I'm afraid. My ex refused to double barrel the dc's names at birth so I was stuck with his name.

However I was able to double barrel my dc's names for everything except the school register. All the school letters added my name, sports clubs etc.

I think this is a bit of a myth tbh- I have a different name to my DC and have never had an issue at the airport, registering with doctors, school or anything else. I still agree you should change it though!

I know people who have had that very issue @Coffeedrinker7 - it might not be consistent but it does happen.

You’ll need permission from their father, if he has PR, to change their name. (Rightly or wrongly that’s how it works)

How old are they? Are they old enough to have an opinion?

Don’t worry too much about the whole travel / name thing. Many cultures over the world commonly have the mother with a different surname to immigration and travel are used to it. I’ve been asked questions more travelling with my younger children, who share my name, than the older ones who didn’t. Places are more cautious now so ask more questions generally.

So am in Scotland where you are able to have a ‘known as’ name without a deed poll.
deed polls don’t exist in Scotland it is called a writ here I believe.
I am just going to let nursery, doc etc know that they are now known as jones-smith and leave it at that. They can do it officially when they are old enough.
thanks all

Be prepared that they may not do it without his ok.

They’re not meant to change a child’s name without the say-so of all parties with PR