No more sleepovers

[Todaysproblem]

DD9 has a very sweet best friend since reception, this year they’re in separate classes - 2 classes per year that get shuffled yearly. Her BF mum has been hinting, then directly asking for a sleepover for about a year now, saying her DD wants to spend the night at ours. I finally gave in and it was largely ok. Lots of giggles and they both fell asleep late as expected. In the morning the mum texted to say she will come pick her up at x time. The girl got changed and asked for help with her very long hair. When I was brushing it I noticed she had a bad lice infestation. 😭

She left with her mum and I ran to do damage control - hair treatment, wash everything etc. I lifted the duvet on the bed she slept and it was also absolutely covered in wee.

Now I am probably being unreasonable, but why oh why would you send a child full of nits that wets beds to a sleepover? I refuse to believe the mum doesn’t know about any of the issues, at least the lice problem was VERY obvious.

"why oh why would you send a child full of nits that wets beds to a sleepover?"

Because she wants the child to have a normal life? Maybe the child isht an habitual wetter? And if your dd was going to get nits from her it's just as likely to happen at school.

Oh come on, I would be fuming if someone sent a child with an obvious case of nits to my house for a sleepover.
The bed wetting I am 50/50 on. It might have been a one off accident (didn't either of the girls mention it?) or she could have bigger issues, either way we always had waterproof mattress protectors on the kids beds/guest beds just in case (handy for when girls get their periods too).
I would let her sleepover again but keep my eye on her, it isn't her fault but if she repeatedly arrives with lice and wets the bed then I would put a stop to any sleepovers.

I would not be happy about the lice! Did you mention them to her mum?

The bed wetting might’ve been a nervous one off type thing?

the lice is another matter 😱

You need to say something to the mum... and if it's not dealt with, I'd then tell the school. It's pretty neglectful.

Because she wants the child to have a normal life? Maybe the child isht an habitual wetter? And if your dd was going to get nits from her it's just as likely to happen at school.

But you can treat lice relatively easily so it’s not like her daughter has a life long condition and should still be allowed to do “normal” things. And sleepovers at 9 are hardly necessary for a fulfilled and happy childhood. There is no harm waiting until she is clear of lice and perhaps less likely to wet the bed.

Honestly OP, I’d be mentioning the lice to the mother. I’d want to know if someone saw that on my child so I could treat it ASAP (let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and pretend she had no idea).

I would tell the Mum about the bed wetting and also say that you've noticed the head lice too. Not in a judgemental way but 'in case' she hadn't noticed.
I'd give her the benefit of the doubt - but would see how Mum reacts to you telling her this. My DSD used to get nits all the time and could easily have gone to a friend's house with nits without us realising. She hated having her hair treated so wouldn't tell us and also trained herself not to scratch in front of us!

If you want your nit-ridden bed-wetting child to have a normal life, then you de-nit them and help with bed wetting/teach her (9 years old) how to handle it/warn hosting mum. For all guest-mum knows, her daughter could end up getting bullied for the state she was in if OP’s daughter was one to spread that through the school!

Did the girls have fun ? I think her her to return the favour and call
It nits

I mean quits

Yeah the bed wetting you should have been given a heads up about. The nits is just unacceptable tbh. There’s finding one and going oh shit and then there’s a known infestation.