Copycat friend

35 replies

Starfish125 · 02/10/2023 09:11

Absolutely pathetic and a real third world problem but I need to vent and see if I AIBU?

In a nutshell she's my best mate in the whole world, couldn't ask for a better mate. Except for the copying. And I don't mean clothes or shoes as we have different styles, that wouldn't actually bother me, it's the bigger stuff.

So I got a job on a ward in a hospital, she then applied for the same job same ward and got it. At the time I thought great, besties working together. Except I now realise there's very little separating us and it's a bit overwhelming. Same with the car, I got a car, she went out the next week and got one (not the same mind u) but still got a new car. Then I booked a holiday to Corfu (this was 2 years ago) and she booked the same holiday but different hotel, so I think she thinks that's ok as it's not exactly the same? It's now started with our daughters who are 3 months between (that wasn't copied lol) but my daughter told me this morning that BF DD now goes to a club that my DD friends go to so now BF DD says all your friends are my friends now, so I understand my DDs annoyance!
I plan on booking a weekend away to NYC for DH 40th in 2 years time but I feel like I can't tell her as she'll do the bloody same!! AIBU? Would this annoy you or am I being petty?

OP posts:

Adrieeeeenne · 03/10/2023 18:51

There are 2 mums at the school gate who you can see this happening between. No idea if the one being copied/idolised is bothered but the copycat has clearly appointed herself President of this woman’s fan club and copies everything. The ‘idol’ just got a big new hairdo - waiting to see how many days until it appears on the other one’s head!

Creamteasandbumblebees · 03/10/2023 18:53

I had the same some years ago with a now ex-best friend. The copying got worse and worse.
We bought a new house and spent 2 years doing it up, when we'd finally finished she bought a house in the next street and when we went to visit it was exactly the same as ours. Same sofas, tiles, carpets, furniture, bedding, I was more freaked out than annoyed. Several mutual friends were also freaked out! Over the years I became so frustrated about it that I started lying to her, for example I said that I'd just ordered some UGG boots, the next time I saw her she was wearing a pair, she asked if I'd worn mine, I told her I'd sent them back as I thought they looked ugly, she was clearly annoyed as she'd worn hers and couldn't return them. I also mentioned that we were buying a caravan (I'm strictly a hotel girl!) and said we'd been looking at lots of them, 6 weeks later her and her husband had bought a caravan and announced we could holiday together, my husband told them that he had no intention of ever buying a caravan, she was livid, it all came out in the open and I said I was done with the friendship, I explained why but she didn't get it. Dumping her was such a relief!

InsomniacA · 03/10/2023 19:18

How is this a 'third world problem'?

WHALESURPRISE · 04/10/2023 12:09

When you say your dds are the months apart bit that wasn't copying, I'm guessing yours is the younger of the two? 😆

Original poster

Starfish125 · 04/10/2023 17:02

Sorry I did mean to put first world problem not third 🤣
No actually I announced my pregnancy then she announced hers a few weeks later she was already pregnant and had no idea I was so that really was just a coincidence where credit is due.

OP posts:

OneTC · 04/10/2023 17:35

I've got a mate who buys us matching tops, and wants to wear them at the same time. Luckily most of what she's picked so far have been really far too small and she gave them to another friend

amorningperson · 07/10/2023 21:23

This has happened to me too and it does sound petty if it hasn’t happened to you perhaps but it is very unsettling when it happens. I ended up ghosting my friend after she turned up outside my work with a fake injury and spend an hour trying to engage me about said fake injury. I could tell it was fake…

HellieWelly · 07/10/2023 22:46

The wife of one of my husband’s friends was like this. It drove me mad because not only would she dash out and buy the same things, but she would then imply that in fact I had copied her because she must have mentioned that she was thinking of getting whatever it was and I’d just bought it first. It got to the point where, like one of the other posters, I started saying we were about to buy or do something, then we would do the opposite, leaving her with a new Dyson or the ‘same’ set of coffee mugs that we had mysteriously failed to buy after all. Suffice to say, we are not friends anymore 😂

cremona · 07/10/2023 23:22

I‘m not as extreme as some of the examples listed here, but tbh I have done this in a small way with a few friends, e.g. buying a dress they have bought. Sometimes it’s sheer admiration, but I think it also has to do with a lack of confidence in my own judgment or taste and a real difficulty in making decisions large or small. Being indecisive like that is really awful and although I have never copied multiple aspects of a friend’s life simultaneously, tbh I can understand how there could be some relief in basically outsourcing all your life decisions to another person - I have often wished I could do that!!!

So I totally get why it’s annoying you and freaking you out, and it may be for sinister or weird reasons, but I wonder if there’s also the possibility that she’s just quite an anxious person who doesn’t trust herself very much. That doesn’t have to be your problem, but she might be worthy of sympathy/pity than annoyance.

amorningperson · 08/10/2023 04:31

@cremona this was a really interesting and insightful post , the other side of it. I’d never thought about it (which is a bit short sighted of me). Thanks for sharing

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