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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone who is never wrong

26 replies

Bluebirthdaycard · 02/10/2023 07:49

Dp just got up at 7.20, slept through alarm, set for 7. I just didn't think what time it was (which isn't like me), so didn't call him, now just had to sit through a tirade of abuse on why I didn't get him up, noone cares and throwing coat hangers about in bedroom (his clean clothes were in airing cupboard if he'd bothered to ask). He couldn't be that late though as he's just sat and had breakfast! Am I at fault here? Bear in mind nothing is ever his fault and a couple of weeks ago our ds overslept and nearly missed his college lift and dp never got him up and when I asked him why (I was at work so couldn't) he said it's his problem.

OP posts:
Yourpartnerisacf · 02/10/2023 08:22

I'd remind him of the ds incident but also that you were asleep this time so couldn't even if you wanted to. What a dick!

Tinkerbyebye · 02/10/2023 08:30

Just remind him what he said about ds over sleeping and ask him why it’s your issue? As an adult he can chose to set the alarm, sleep through it or whatever it’s got diddly squat to do with you

PearTreeBoat · 02/10/2023 08:33

I think it would have been a bit spiteful/petty if you had noticed the time and decided not to wake him, although the responsibility would still have been on him. However it is absolutely not your responsibility to constantly be mindful of the time in case he sleeps through his alarm.

Hopefully his outburst was down to frustration at being late and is not normal behaviour and that a full and sincere apology comes your way once he's calmed down.

MiniTheMinx · 02/10/2023 08:36

"Bear in mind nothing is ever his fault"

They never see the light. You either ignore or run away. Not much point trying to reason.

Original poster
Bluebirthdaycard · 02/10/2023 08:37

Yourpartnerisacf · 02/10/2023 08:22

I'd remind him of the ds incident but also that you were asleep this time so couldn't even if you wanted to. What a dick!

Thanks for your reply. Just to clarify Ive been up since 6 but I just didn't even think about what time it was.

OP posts:
5foot5 · 02/10/2023 08:38

You know YANBU. Flinging coat hangers around sounds like a petulant small child and why on Earth is it your responsibility to sort out his clean clothes? Does he expect you to dress him next? Take him to the toilet?

Yes to reminding him of the comment about DS and tell him to grow up and stop blaming you for things.

Original poster
Bluebirthdaycard · 02/10/2023 08:40

PearTreeBoat · 02/10/2023 08:33

I think it would have been a bit spiteful/petty if you had noticed the time and decided not to wake him, although the responsibility would still have been on him. However it is absolutely not your responsibility to constantly be mindful of the time in case he sleeps through his alarm.

Hopefully his outburst was down to frustration at being late and is not normal behaviour and that a full and sincere apology comes your way once he's calmed down.

Thanks for your reply. I wasn't doing it to be petty or spiteful though I just genuinely didn't notice what time it was. Theres been countless times at just gone 7 that I've opened the door to ask if he's getting up but the one time I don't all hell breaks loose.

OP posts:
CatamaranViper · 02/10/2023 08:43

Haha DH has done the same thing this morning.

Now he's complaining a lot about being late.

I'm just letting him crack on. I'm his wife not his mother.

Sayitaintso33 · 02/10/2023 08:44

Bluebirthdaycard · 02/10/2023 08:40

Thanks for your reply. I wasn't doing it to be petty or spiteful though I just genuinely didn't notice what time it was. Theres been countless times at just gone 7 that I've opened the door to ask if he's getting up but the one time I don't all hell breaks loose.

Show quote history

Unfortunately your husband doesn't believe you. That might be because he is a shit or because you don't often tell him the truth.

Original poster
Bluebirthdaycard · 02/10/2023 08:46

5foot5 · 02/10/2023 08:38

You know YANBU. Flinging coat hangers around sounds like a petulant small child and why on Earth is it your responsibility to sort out his clean clothes? Does he expect you to dress him next? Take him to the toilet?

Yes to reminding him of the comment about DS and tell him to grow up and stop blaming you for things.

Thank you, don't know how much longer I can stand this. No one likes to admit they're at fault but he never, ever takes any accountability for anything.

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 02/10/2023 08:47

Sayitaintso33 · 02/10/2023 08:44

Unfortunately your husband doesn't believe you. That might be because he is a shit or because you don't often tell him the truth.

Show quote history

WTF? That's one hell of an accusation to make from 3 posts from the OP!

Original poster
Bluebirthdaycard · 02/10/2023 08:48

CatamaranViper · 02/10/2023 08:43

Haha DH has done the same thing this morning.

Now he's complaining a lot about being late.

I'm just letting him crack on. I'm his wife not his mother.

Lovely isn't it!

OP posts:
HappiestSleeping · 02/10/2023 08:51

Is he related to my mother? She doesn't possess the gene that admits ever being incorrect.

Original poster
Bluebirthdaycard · 02/10/2023 08:56

HappiestSleeping · 02/10/2023 08:51

Is he related to my mother? She doesn't possess the gene that admits ever being incorrect.

Maybe!😄

OP posts:
PixiePirate · 02/10/2023 08:56

A ‘don’t be so ridiculous dear’ is the only possible response (unless you want to leave him, which I would if this is part of a pattern of behaviour).

  1. He is responsible for him.
  2. Speaking to you like that is unacceptable.
  3. It’s deeply unattractive and would kill stone dead any fancying of him.
  4. Why exactly does he think it’s your responsibility to notice the time and wake him up. Is it because he thinks you’re his support human? An extra in his show?
AnyFucker · 02/10/2023 09:02

He sounds like a dick

Original poster
Bluebirthdaycard · 02/10/2023 09:03

PixiePirate · 02/10/2023 08:56

A ‘don’t be so ridiculous dear’ is the only possible response (unless you want to leave him, which I would if this is part of a pattern of behaviour).

  1. He is responsible for him.
  2. Speaking to you like that is unacceptable.
  3. It’s deeply unattractive and would kill stone dead any fancying of him.
  4. Why exactly does he think it’s your responsibility to notice the time and wake him up. Is it because he thinks you’re his support human? An extra in his show?

Think it was just an excuse to blame me for something which he likes to do. If someone's that late for work, they wouldn't sit down and eat a bowl of cereal, they'd grab a banana and be on their way.

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 02/10/2023 09:07

You can't respect someone who doesn't even live by their own rules (one rule for DS another for him). No self awareness, no respect for you, no responsibility... urgh, how are you with him?

PerspiringElizabeth · 02/10/2023 09:07

Sayitaintso33 · 02/10/2023 08:44

Unfortunately your husband doesn't believe you. That might be because he is a shit or because you don't often tell him the truth.

Show quote history

What the fuck 😂 unhinged conclusion to jump to.

Pudmyboy · 02/10/2023 09:17

Thank you, don't know how much longer I can stand this. No one likes to admit they're at fault but he never, ever takes any accountability for anything.
HUGE red flag here, sounds like you are at the end of your tether with this abusive behaviour: anywhere you can go to get away?

Offcom · 02/10/2023 09:24

I’m sorry for the stressful start to your Monday morning. I hope people share ideas for how to deal with The Unblameables as I have no clue

Original poster
Bluebirthdaycard · 02/10/2023 09:25

Pudmyboy · 02/10/2023 09:17

Thank you, don't know how much longer I can stand this. No one likes to admit they're at fault but he never, ever takes any accountability for anything.
HUGE red flag here, sounds like you are at the end of your tether with this abusive behaviour: anywhere you can go to get away?

Mmm you could be right. I am currently waiting to hear from housing authority but it's taking forever just to be accepted onto the waiting list. I know I can't take much more, I could go back to my mum's but that would greatly impact my dcs lives.

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 02/10/2023 09:33

Do you work? (I ask because if you are a stay-at-home-partner then you might have some kind of "deal" whereby you do most of the domestic chores). If you work I would suggest you stop doing stuff for him including washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. Do only for yourself and DC.

Remind him you are not his mother or caretaker or servant and that he is an adult.

Original poster
Bluebirthdaycard · 02/10/2023 09:41

AmandaHoldensLips · 02/10/2023 09:33

Do you work? (I ask because if you are a stay-at-home-partner then you might have some kind of "deal" whereby you do most of the domestic chores). If you work I would suggest you stop doing stuff for him including washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. Do only for yourself and DC.

Remind him you are not his mother or caretaker or servant and that he is an adult.

He works a standard 40ish hours Mon to Fri, I work weds to sat 4am to 8am. I do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc and since September I've been taking and collecting our 16 year old to the train station 16 mile round trip twice a day except Thurs morning when I'm at work.

OP posts:
historyrepeatz · 02/10/2023 09:51

Theres been countless times at just gone 7 that I've opened the door to ask if he's getting up but the one time I don't all hell breaks loose.

If he expects DS to be responsible for himself then he should be too. Yes I would wake DH up if he slept through the alarm and I was awake and realised but i would expect that to be a rare occurrence or him being extra tired or unwell or something.

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