'People said you'd got fat, but you look the same as ever to me!'

[artishard]

Bumped into someone I hadn't seen for a year or so. They were walking back from the pub as I was on my way home from where I work on the same street.

After the usual catch up chit-chat they proceeded to tell me that I look the same as I always have, and that they didn't understand why 'people' had commented that I'd put on weight!

I'm not normally one to be thin skinned.or overly sensitive, and I did gain a couple of stone over the last year or so which I have lost so objectively anyone commenting as such would have had a point. Something has touched a nerve though, and I find myself dwelling on the comment. Not sure if its the realisation that others have been talking about my appearance behind my back, the sheer rudeness of this person's backhanded compliment, or my own insecurity around my body image!

Can anyone help me unpick this, and AIBU that this has hit a nerve?

YANBU. Anyone would find this rude and let it get to them. But the problem is with this twattish person who is either deliberately malicious, or has no social skills whatsoever. And ‘people’ may have just been one person who made a comment about it to them.

Your feelings are natural, the other person has transgressed a normal human interactional code. But don’t take it on - you’ve done nothing ‘wrong’ in having a slight weight fluctuation. The rude person was wrong to blurt it out.

Congratulations and well done on losing the weight!

Utterly rude of this person however I'm guessing they're not so important in your day-to-day life?

Someone once quoted a phrase to me which really helped me to handle the stark realisation that people talk about you behind your back (I don't know why it shocked me but it did): what other people think of you is none of your business.

I love it and I remind myself of it every time I start fretting over what someone might think of me.

Do you think this might be part of it?

I agree with the sentiment that it's none of my business! In a sense at least. I mean, I'd just rather not know! Especially if its something that I might not want to hear...of course people are entitled to their opinion! And of course what they think about you is none of your business, perhaps what they say about you is?

This isn't a person who features in my day to day life, no. And to be fair now I think about it, they've previously criticised female acquaintances of mine based on their weight, which I've called them out for. I'll endeavour not to take on their insecurities!

The comment you said about 'people' being one person makes sense! Thanks for your kind words 😊

What a tactless idiot. I get why you're upset by this.

But you clearly don't look that different from previously, for what it's worth. My bet is that 'people' probably amount to one person they've met, so don't stress too much. They were probably using this term as a way to avoid naming an individual. I'd have to ask them, though, if I were you - just so I knew who'd been bad-mouthing me and to take suspicion off others.

I would ditch this person but first do my best to find out to whom they are referring (to put it poshly!).

Thank you, I won't stress any further. Just caught me off guard I think!