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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu because I think I upset my friend

26 replies

veanirweather · 01/10/2023 22:23

I’m very close to my due date and friend checks in every other day to ask how I am or she’ll say I’m definitely in labour etc

She rang me to check in and said promise you’ll message me when baby is here and I said obviously, it’s not like you’d give me much choice not to and she went a bit quiet and said she’d rather a friend who checked in and was excited about the baby then one who doesn’t care but she’ll take what I said onboard and won’t message and will wait for an update.

I felt bad and I’ve messaged her like normal since and she has responded normally but not her usual self.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 01/10/2023 22:26

A lot of people don't share their due dates because continuous messaging about it can get annoying/ stressful and make you feel under pressure. I would have said the same as your friend is being ott with the best of intentions. Its fair enough for you to give her a hint to step back in this scenario. I don't think you're being unreasonable and I think she needs to accept your point. I'd just move on from it and give it no further thought.

Onceuponaheartache · 01/10/2023 22:28

I think you probably could have handled it better. Your reply to her was snarky and a bit rude.

There were nicer ways to say that.

RoseyRosed · 01/10/2023 22:29

Fair enough if you felt pestered, but saying what you did was really rude.

Whatyoutalkingabouteh · 01/10/2023 22:32

Did you just message as normal or apologise? I completely get it- people keep asking ‘any twinges yet?!’ It’s bloody annoying but I can see why she would be upset.

WhateverMate · 01/10/2023 22:33

I'm not really sure what you're asking here?

You're aware you upset her so yes of course YABU.

SkaneTos · 01/10/2023 22:33

What happened happened. You said what you said, and she realized that she came on too strong. She will be fine, and she will probably be back to her normal self soon. Just continue on. Don't worry.
She is a good friend! You are a good friend!

MumofToddle · 01/10/2023 22:44

SkaneTos · 01/10/2023 22:33

What happened happened. You said what you said, and she realized that she came on too strong. She will be fine, and she will probably be back to her normal self soon. Just continue on. Don't worry.
She is a good friend! You are a good friend!

Exactly this - you’re just two nice humans slightly treading on one another’s toes the way we all do at times. Don’t fret about it - these things happen and everyone moves on and forgets about them!

ErinAndTonic · 01/10/2023 22:47

I think you were a bit tactless and blunt, to be honest. I think it's sweet she's genuinely so interested and concerned. Perhaps a touch needy but it does show she's a true friend.

I'm sure you're probably just tired and didn't mean anything by it - but if I had received that kind of message then yeah I'd be a bit upset and think you were trying to tell me to back off too.

jnova · 01/10/2023 22:50

veanirweather · 01/10/2023 22:23

I’m very close to my due date and friend checks in every other day to ask how I am or she’ll say I’m definitely in labour etc

She rang me to check in and said promise you’ll message me when baby is here and I said obviously, it’s not like you’d give me much choice not to and she went a bit quiet and said she’d rather a friend who checked in and was excited about the baby then one who doesn’t care but she’ll take what I said onboard and won’t message and will wait for an update.

I felt bad and I’ve messaged her like normal since and she has responded normally but not her usual self.

I would've said it different that's all

KookyAndSpooky · 01/10/2023 22:52

I'm 40+3 today and I totally get it. If your friend has had a baby then she should too, but if not then I'd cut her a bit more slack. She won't realise that you're likely getting this question from every Tom, Dick and Harry.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 01/10/2023 22:54

It sounds like she'd become obsessive about being first to know. I can see why you got annoyed

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 01/10/2023 22:58

Not unreasonable at all! I remember being badgered by dozens of people. In the end I ignored my phone and told my then DH that they would hear when we sent the announcement text and meanwhile they could leave me the fuck alone!

DS arrived 2 weeks late - I went into labour the day I was due to be induced. They had started pestering me 2 weeks before my due date....

Original poster
veanirweather · 01/10/2023 23:09

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 01/10/2023 22:54

It sounds like she'd become obsessive about being first to know. I can see why you got annoyed

I’m not sure if it’s this as I was just paraphrasing as she said about me obviously telling my family first but would I promise to message her.

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 01/10/2023 23:12

But it must have been annoying you to react like that?

surreygirl1987 · 01/10/2023 23:12

I was you - I got so upset by the constant badgering. It's a stressful enough time as it is especially when you go overdue. I actually lied about my due date for my second child to avoid this.

That said, she means well and was being nice. I think apologise, but also explain.

Original poster
veanirweather · 01/10/2023 23:13

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 01/10/2023 23:12

But it must have been annoying you to react like that?

Yes because I’m being asked by both grandmas every single day and my younger sister.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 01/10/2023 23:15

I think you response was a bit childish?

She seems like a caring friend - they’re hard to come by so you decide is it hard having someone who checks in on you or hard having someone who doesn’t bother?

I hope she will see sense

readbooksdrinktea · 01/10/2023 23:15

I mean, you must have been annoyed and now made sure she won't message you again about the baby for a while. So win for you.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 01/10/2023 23:16

So say to her breezily :

Really sorry if I offended you, but lots of people are asking on repeat and it's stressing me out and making me feel like a bit of a broodmare. Of course I will let you know.

Lostcotter · 01/10/2023 23:17

veanirweather · 01/10/2023 23:13

Yes because I’m being asked by both grandmas every single day and my younger sister.

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Why don’t you explain this to her and apologise? So she can see you feel bad about being rude but also she can understand that you also find the frequent asking OTT.

Lostcotter · 01/10/2023 23:20

I felt bad and I’ve messaged her like normal since and she has responded normally but not her usual self

you feel bad but not bad enough to just apologise? It’s my pet hate when someone has spoken out of turn or hurt someone and instead of apologising they just try and communicate as before, as if pretending that their little outburst didn’t happen.

DreamTheMoors · 01/10/2023 23:23

veanirweather · 01/10/2023 23:13

Yes because I’m being asked by both grandmas every single day and my younger sister.

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Your friend means well. She doesn’t realise that everybody else is bugging you.
This is not a bad problem to have.
Congratulations on your baby. ❤️

RoseyRosed · 02/10/2023 07:40

veanirweather · 01/10/2023 23:13

Yes because I’m being asked by both grandmas every single day and my younger sister.

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How annoying to have people that care about you. Totally gives you the right to be rude and snap at your friend. 🙄

Just apologise to your friend for being so rude.

Parlourgames · 02/10/2023 07:44

Well you were pretty rude so I don’t know what you would expect. What did you intend to communicate with that remark?

squashi · 02/10/2023 07:45

Maybe it was a bit terse and she felt underappreciated, but probably no harm done if you're good friends and have carried on messaging as normal. If you felt that her checking in was a bit much, maybe she did need to realise that.