Please help me get my life in order

[inARut243]

I think I’m ADHD. I’m not going to get a diagnosis yet or worry about it as I know NHS waiting lists are very long. Below are all the things that upset me and I’m wondering if anyone could please help me:

1). my house is a mess. Dirty clothes everywhere. I can’t find any of the kids stuff. I really do try but every week it gets the same

2). Can’t keep on top of my kids homework

3). I’m getting bigger and bigger day by day. I was a size 6 when I got married and now I’m a size 18, I want to be a 12

4). I’m very emotional and sensitive. Most of the time I have a complete right to I feel upset but I don’t want to live like this anymore, I have lots of horrible people in my life and I need to learn how to deal with them without damaging myself

5). I don’t have any meaningful friendships.

6. I’m always tired and depressed and have zero energy for my kids.

Ok. Deep breath, easiest to focus on one thing at a time.

Let’s start with the tiredness. Everything is harder when tired especially self regulation.

When do you go to bed? How do you sleep?

How old are you? Could peri menopause be kicking in? (This also ups anxiety as well as affecting sleep/energy).

Do you eat okay or are you living off carbs/junk?

Ok, I know I said one thing at a time but.. who are the horrible people in your life and why can’t you remove them from your life?

Little changes can make a big difference xx

https://oa.org/

Hi OP,

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. That sounds hard.

How many kids do you have and what ages? If there are several and they are young, that might just be normal tbh.

Can you train the kids to gather up clothes and dump them in front of the washing machine in return for some kind of treat?

Has your GP done routine blood tests to check for things like anaemia?

That might help a bit.

I think you're doing a brilliant thing asking for advice. A lot of us have been where you are, or are still there.

You might get good advice in the special educational needs forum where they know a lot about neurodivergence.

@minipie thank you. I’m 35, the horrible people are my Inlaws. Tbh I know they’re nasty but even everyday encounters with people who don’t matter upset me e.g. shop assistants who don’t say hi Babk when you greet them, the moody teacher when I drop kids off etc. I know it’s me as I can only control myself but it puts me in a bad mood all day. I do eat lots of junk, just had 2 chocolate bars and 3 crisp packets after my healthy dinner of proteins and veg!

@Cascais thank you. Funny enough I did used to go to meetings but it just didn’t work out for me but I might try again

@CyclingLegs my kids are primary aged and 2 of them. Thank you that’s a good idea about bloodwork I’ll try making an appointment

How old are your children?

Is your husband around? What part does he play?

How old are you? Any health issues (that you're aware of?) I think you should go to the GP - there could be all sorts of reasons for the tiredness and weight gain - underactive thyroid for one.

Do you work outside the home?

There's more, but lets start here so we can help

Ok.
Good on you for wanting to improve & recognising you need help.

Don't try to address all 6 things you list at the same time because you will overwhelm yourself & not make yhe progress you want.

I'd suggest 1 & 2 are linked. So start with tidying up the house.
Pick one room.
Set a timer for 15/40/45/60 mins s length of time that is acivable for you
Do that daily and work your way round the house.

There are loads of people online who provide support & guidance in cleaning & running a house.
Take a look.
Pick one that you feel comfortable with & follow them

The secret is to start small and as you achieve things it grows your confidence & you learn what works for you.

Get the kids involved.
Even if they're young they need to learn - washing in the washing basket, toys away, & more as they grow older.

Good luck, you can do this

Ok so the food. Is it an evening thing, is that when you reach for the snacks? I am like that. If you are like me and have no evening willpower but better in the mornings, you could try my approach - zero breakfast, small healthy lunch and then a really nice meal for dinner, not junk but not health food either, so I’m not so tempted to snack. Or, some people say they brush their teeth straight after dinner so they are less tempted.

The nasty in laws. How often do you have contact with them, and can you reduce that?

You’re going to get a lot of suggestions, it might be a bit overwhelming. Maybe try just one thing at a time for a few days in a row and see if it helps.

Sorry your feeling like this, I am sure there are small things you can do to make life easier.

To keep on top of my clothes washing. I have to do some everyday or every other day. I used to not like putting a small load in as it's a waste of water/energy. But tough it's the only way to keep on top of it. I also take some of my husbands/kids things out of the washing pile as there not dirty. He thinks if he wears something (tshirts/jumpers/trousers) once it needs washing. I don't think so!

You need a cleaning rota for your house you can't do everything every week. You need to set specific days for specific bigger tasks like cleaning windows, dusting, changing beds. Make it more managable. But you need to keep on top of the small things daily, general tidy, keeping kitchen and floors clean. I get stressed if on a morning there is a mess or dishes from the day before. Setting myself up for more work that day!

Make time to exercise, I go to the gym 8.30 - 9.30 on an evening, as often as I can. Makes me feel great and its nice to have an hour to myself out of the house.

Distance yourself from the nasty people, life is too short!

Your house needs decluttering by the sounds of things

Grab a bag and start to fill it will old clothes/toys/junk

Literally start anywhere

your house in an area going area of work - you need to put the time in everyday to get on top of your washing etc - once your house is tidier/cleaner you will feel mentally better

Doesn’t matter that you overate tomorrow is a new day and you can keep on trying

Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself - keep your distance from your in-laws as much as you can

Don’t take it to heart if people don’t smile at you? Focus on yourself and being a good person

Evening snacking for me is boredom, watching rubbish tv. Could you get a little hobby. I started crochet, keeps my hand busy so not thinking of snacking. Also if I feel like I need to snack after 9pm I just go to bed, its my body telling me I am tired and need energy so I should eat food.

1.) Have a huge sort out and throw away whatever you can. Organise anything else in to where it belongs. Pay a cleaner to come and do a deep clean. Write a cleaning rota so you can spend 20-30 minutes cleaning each day and keep on top of the conditions the cleaner left it in.

2.) Ask the school what support they offer with homework, most have homework clubs the children can attend.

3.) Try calorie counting

4.) Search to see if there is an iapt in your area that will offer free cbt. They will likely have a course that supports you with these things.

5.) Find a hobby, reach out to old friends you’d like to reconnect with, download peanut.

6.) Speak to your gp about your mood and energy levels.

Obviously that’s a shed load of things to do and you don’t want to overwhelm yourself so order what you want to address from most important to least important, then break down the area in to small achievable tasks. For instance if you picked 6 it would be call for an appointment, attend appointment etc. You’ve got this 💪🏻

Get to bed before a certain time and don’t watch any screen at least an hour before that time (LIFE CHANGING if you usually look at your phone before bed!)

So I started losing weight by cutting down little by little, as simple as I have a bar only eat half, I’d normally eat a share bag, only eat half.
No eating after 8(it’s hell for about ten days then you get used to it!) and drinking loads of water.
Frozen grapes or put a yogurt in the freezer and it takes so long to eat!
Also, bag of apples, eat one when you feel like junk food

Play with the kids! Something you all get a laugh out of or enjoy (won’t be fun the whole time but there will be fun!)

Have more than one dirty clothes basket and use your dryer if you have to

Remember anything you do is something done and the house needs to be clean to keep you all healthy but not even close to immaculate

ASK FOR HELP WHERE YOU CAN!!!

When you’re eg out shopping or at the school say hi to people and they’ll talk back. It gives you a lift x

Hugs op, you think you’re doing worse than you are, nobody has it all figured out x

Washing.
Go through your house and put all the dirty washing in the kitchen. Doesn't matter of ot flows out of the wash basket.

Get some large bags (bags for Ife, bin bags) and rummage through to find
All the kids uniform
All the underwear
All the pajamas
All the towels
All your clothes
All your partner's clothes
All the kids clothes
Whatevers left.

8 bags. Wash one. Dry it. Wash one. Dry it. Keep going.
Clothes dried can go back into the rooms. Fold them and put them in the bag. If you've emptied them of all the dirty clothes then they can at worst go back into the correct room in the bag until you can get through the worst of it.

Thank you so much everyone!

What makes you think adha because none in my family that have it have any of those symptoms but the ones with depression do

Oh hunnie you're doing ok, you are asking for help that's a good start.
I know that feeling of being overwhelmed, what's bothering you most? Just deal with that. It would be the washing for me, put a load on timed to be ready when you get up then another load straight away. Do the current things and add to it you will soon get it down. Check the weather and make the most of any drying days.

I have a feeling once you start to feel better about things the excessive eating may well stop x