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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours kids in our house - 2 hours, no sign of parents

47 replies

coxesorangepippin · 01/10/2023 20:45

So my son (9, he's 10 in December ) is friends with a lad (same age as my D's) who lives fairly close to us - around 500 yards away. This lad is also friends with another boy who lives next door to him - the child is 6.

These two boys showed up at our house and have so far been here in our playroom for two hours. No sign or message from the parents. No prior conversation to arrange this whatsoever.

Which is fine, as I know the 9 years old's mother, but the younger boy I don't really know at all.

Aibu or what?!? We could be total maniacs and the kids are here for two hours.... (Especially the younger one, are they not wondering where he is?!)

OP posts:
Missedmytoe · 01/10/2023 22:23

Surely the primary safeguarding responsibility is with the parents of the 6 year old in letting him just wander about? It's afternoon (or was when OP posted) where OP is.
It's unfair of the parents of the 6 year old and the 9 year old to assume someone else would take responsibility for their children without makiany form of arrangement.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/10/2023 22:25

So, @Fleabane, if a 6 yr old turned up unaccompanied at your house to play, you wouldn't think to contact the parents to check they know their child was with you?

RudsyFarmer · 01/10/2023 22:26

arethereanyleftatall · 01/10/2023 22:19

It seems you now realise that the parents are chill about it...but op...you weren't to know that two hours ago- so if a 6 yr old turns up uninvited at your house you don't just blooming we'll sit there judging the parents and making threads in the hope that others will join you in slagging them off - you blooming well phone them/go round to there house to check they know!!! They might have been frantically searching! I think you're not understanding that yes indeed, most parents would not allow a 6 year old fo do that; you also have a safeguarding role to play for all children.

I assume we can slag off the parents now we know they were happy to send a six year old out for hours in the care of a nine year old? Where they both made their way into a relative strangers house and could have potentially come to harm. Can we comment negatively now that you’ve given OP your lecture?

User3735 · 01/10/2023 22:28

This used to happen to us when we first moved into our road. I used to let kids come and play at our house only if they went and told their parents first. One boy in particular started coming to our house every day in the summer holidays, he was only 6. He would eat dinner with us every day too, and he'd have to leave by 8pm on the dot if I hadn't sent him home before then, I worked this out because he would keep asking me how long until 8pm. One evening it was still the school holidays but we were all watching a film, and I noticed it was 8pm but decided to not remind him and see how long it would take before anyone came looking for him. I knew all the other kids and many neighbours outside knew he came to ours everyday so he wouldn't be hard to find. At 10pm his parents and 3 teenage siblings showed up for him pretending to be worried sick and then told him off because they didn't know where he was. I said it wasn't fair to tell him off, as he'd been here every day for months, joined in birthday parties with us, had takeaways with us etc and I'd always made sure to ask if his parents knew where he was. The parent said 'Oh yeah, but we just didn't know which one was your house'. They moved not long after. There are other children on our street or steers near ours outside every single day until dark, some look very young 5 ish. It would be wonderful if it we had a bit green space for them to play on, but I won't ever let mine play unsupervised where there are cars.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/10/2023 22:29

Missedmytoe · 01/10/2023 22:23

Surely the primary safeguarding responsibility is with the parents of the 6 year old in letting him just wander about? It's afternoon (or was when OP posted) where OP is.
It's unfair of the parents of the 6 year old and the 9 year old to assume someone else would take responsibility for their children without makiany form of arrangement.

Well yes, of course it is. And as it turns out, they knew and we're just being entitled.

But for 2 hours the op let a 6 yr old child in to her house to play and didn't contact parents!!

Of course parents are primary safeguards to their own child, but that doesn't mean everyone else just turns a blind eye!! 'Oh look, there's a kid being beaten up, useless parents aren't anywhere, let's walk away and start a thread.'

Fleabane · 01/10/2023 22:33

arethereanyleftatall · 01/10/2023 22:25

So, @Fleabane, if a 6 yr old turned up unaccompanied at your house to play, you wouldn't think to contact the parents to check they know their child was with you?

Not if they were with the 10 year old they lived next door to, no. I'd assume the parents would have a pretty good idea of where they were.

The OP has already had a couple of random kids turn up who she has to supervise. She doesn't even know the 6 year old's parents' number. Is she supposed to not only babysit but find out who they are to let them know she's babysitting?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/10/2023 22:45

I personally think you were overreacting! It's normal in many places for children to randomly hang out in other children's houses. They will be the children with the parents who send them out at 8.30am and just tell them to be back for their dinner.

I'm not one of those parents, but I've been on the receiving end and have had about 8 children playing in my house for a full day on a regular basis. Never spoken to any of their parents.

It's really no big deal, you obviously know yourself that you're not a child killer or fiddler so they aren't at any risk being with you.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 01/10/2023 22:50

HerMammy · 01/10/2023 21:06

Their parents likely assume they're playing out, 2 hrs isn't long.

As a parent and carer there s no way any 6yr old should be out of sight for 2 hrs, unless youve spoken to whoever is watching them, which these parents have not done to the OP. 2 hrs IS a long time,

cushioncovers · 01/10/2023 22:54

My kids used to have two friends that would constantly call to play at ours. Turned out the parents were going off shopping and doing chores. So bloody cheeky

mondaytosunday · 01/10/2023 22:54

My son had a friend who would just turn up. Once after about four hours (even my son was telling me he wanted the boy to go home) I called his mother - her response was 'oh that's where he is'!! She said to just send him home. Some parents gave a much looser take on looking after kids. I think he was about ten at the time.

Snowinjulyy · 01/10/2023 23:02

Yanbu. I can think of a lot of children off the top of my head who have come to harm when 'playing out' (famous news stories over the years.) It's just not worth the risk and I don't understand how parents can relax at home not knowing where a 6 year old is.
I'm planning on getting my child a phone when he's around 11/12, around the same time he's going to start getting on a bus to secondary school by himself and his independence will build from there. Cannot fathom just turfing him out at the age of 7 now and not worrying where he is until dinnertime, it's just madness.

HelloGoodbye92 · 01/10/2023 23:07

We have this with two different families on our street. One was a girl (4 years old at the time). I sort of know mum but not massively well- her daughter appeared at mine without an adult. There are about 10 houses between our house and hers. She had wandered out from the garden and along to mine. I messaged her mum via Facebook messenger and the mum said she could play at ours. She wasn’t actually invited though! So I let her play with my DD for half an hour then walked her back to find mum had decided to go out to the shops while I had her daughter!!!

The other issue we have had is with one set of neighbours who constantly let their child (5) wander unattended. Child has wandered off, several streets away and let themselves into gardens where pools have been filled but nobody around etc. it’s an accident waiting to happen!

Chicklette · 01/10/2023 23:08

This happens all the time in the Scottish suburb where I live. Kids just hang out and drift from one house to another. If the parents know where the kids are I don't really see the issue, unless you mistrust every other parent in your social group. If you want the kids to leave just tell them its time to go home

Bouncyball23 · 01/10/2023 23:14

Same thing happened to me today my dd8 played with a 5 year old girl from down the street who was playing out (I don't know the family not long moved here) she came in played in my dd room for 45 mins no check in from parents or anything she left her bike outside my house in the street so if they where looking for her they would of found her easily and my front door was open slightly, I eventually told my dd to take her back up the street incase her mums wondering where she is. I wonder how parents can be so relaxed when it comes to their little ones am in pins when my dd plays in the front.

Original poster
coxesorangepippin · 02/10/2023 02:29

I called his mother - her response was 'oh that's where he is'!!

^^

crazy isn't it!?

How can these people relax??

OP posts:
Nandocushion · 02/10/2023 04:09

I assume you're not in big city Canada then, OP? We are in a biggish Canadian city but not downtown, and I'd mostly be okay with this. If you're in downtown Toronto then I take it all back.

Happyhappyday · 02/10/2023 04:14

I grew up in a very safe suburb in the US and we played all over the neighborhood from a similar age. I think we tended to run a bit more between houses and there were realistically only 4-5 houses I would be at… until I met a new kid and we all ended up there for hours 🤷‍♀️. It was fine.

Natsku · 02/10/2023 04:54

This happened all the time at the last place I lived, with younger children. There were a set of siblings 3,4 and 5 who were always in my house playing with my 4 year old, sometimes a couple of other children from the street behind us too.

user1492757084 · 02/10/2023 05:17

This is so empowering for them.

It's like the olden days when kids could play all day in a swamp and ride ponies through the woods and the like and as long as they were home for tea it was fine.

Your kids are lucky. They are living like their great grandparents did - except probably the great grandparents had to milk a cow, feed the chooks and take care of the dog as well.

NoraBattysCurlers · 02/10/2023 06:13

Fleabane · 01/10/2023 22:22

Why is it her fault? Confused

Show quote history

Do you really need to ask?

DinnaeFashYersel · 02/10/2023 06:30

As long as I know where my kids are they are allowed out to play, into friends houses.

If you aren't happy you don't needs to let your child's friends in your house.

DinnaeFashYersel · 02/10/2023 06:31

Chicklette · 01/10/2023 23:08

This happens all the time in the Scottish suburb where I live. Kids just hang out and drift from one house to another. If the parents know where the kids are I don't really see the issue, unless you mistrust every other parent in your social group. If you want the kids to leave just tell them its time to go home

Agree totally normal - also in Scotland

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