Hi everyone I'm a 24yo and my "partner" is also 23yo. We have been together for 5 years and our lo is 3yo (4 in 4m). We moved in the new home 1 day before I was induced, that day he completley changed. This home was in the middle of every single one of his family members (his family is big) and miles away from my famimy which is just my nan, my sister who is a drug abuser, dad who has schizophrenia whom I don't have a strong relationship with, my auntie who is an alchaolic and my mum who abused me.
I got glimpses of the real him before, for example when I was heavily pregnant and in pain I was haveing to massage him, fetch him food etc but refusing any of those things for me. Ignoring me reaching out about issues, refusing to do anything I enjoyed etc
Once the baby come and we got back he ignored me worse than ever before. Refused ANY help with the baby or round the house, spent his entire convid and father leave on his game. Would purposefully be loud with his game friends to wake me up, knowing i was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating. I'd beg him for help and he'd refuse eye contact, laugh at me, mock my voice, bully me, put me on microphone to his game friends when he could and basicly laugh at me with them. When I was baveing contractions after the birth when everything fixes in to place , he was jn the other room laughing at me super load and morning my pain, calling me a liar and just trying to get him to have lo. I couldn't shower, have ANY time to myself for YEARS only until she is older enough where I can remove myself to a room for breathers and space. He'd call me crazy, gaslight me, make messes on purpose and call it my job. Say I don't appreciate him and don't do enough, I don't do anything, I don't bring anything good to the house but start arguments etc
Maybe people will remeber me when I say he was the pee on floor partner, purposefully weeing a puddle on the floor and then telling me it doesn't exist and If it does its my job. He was and is vile to me. No affection, no love. The only thing he'd give me was grinding on me and pressuring me in to sex.. I just wasn't appreciating him. He'd even put lo on the cold shower floor if I took to long to wash because he's busy on his game, I came home from shopping after only going twice in person and he'd left her in a poo filled nappy because he was waiting for me. I came down from wakeing and she was so hungry, he didn't give her breakfast. U get the vibe.
I eventually reach out to his family afyer he's telling them lies and sruff, I also thought I trusted them and needed help as I have no family around me. All for them to tell me its me too, all I do is start arguments and hes has a long day at work etc. I went in to so much depth jsut to be told I jeed help and don't relise how badly i come across. I told them I have ptsd from him, mil told me It's all in my head. I became so sad and complicit that I just didn't know what was reality anymore.
I went to a UK mansion family holiday kinda thing, there was around 15 adults and then a tone of kids. because I stood up for myself to partner and said "no, u check on lo I've done it every day since she was born" well that triggered many in the room. They were all shouting at me calling me a good for nothing mum, bring nothing to the table. Im struggling to keep up with the house rn due to the ptsd and mental issue HES caused me, so theh they bring it up and use it Justifty everyway in which he's hurt me and shift blame on to both parties . They called me the abuser, me the liar, I just victimise myself, I control lo because I never let mil be the nana she wants, I bum of him and then call him an abuser when all he does is do everything for us etc.
Come to now, I eventually snapped back at mil just for her to stir and lie, gaslight, call me crazy, tell me I need help, I'm the abuser, I control him etc
After lo going to mils every weekend on Sunday, I've said no more. I don't trust u so I won't give my child to someone I don't trust, I set my boundary and won't be walked on anymore. basicly she is messaging me saying I'm the controling one, I'm being selfish on lo and controlling her and partner is to afraid to go against me and bring lo to her etc.
After everything ive told her etc she knows I'm not lying but is hell bent on painting me as the abuser, refusing any ackloedgment in to his behaviour and her own. Makeing me feel as though it's it's me.
Only thing I can say Is lo loves her and loves going around as they play a lot together, she has crossed boundaries etc but is someone who is very good with lo. I know we have all these issues but is it wrong to seperate lo and mil?
I am leaving soon I'm on the housing waiting list which no one knows, I'll be out the house soon and I'm so excited to just feel free and happy in my own space. I know I won't be able to stop her seeing lo when partner has her, but I don't feel okay on ky soul to let my child keep going to her.