Just got home from evening business meeting and dinner with client to find .......

[clumsymum]

Kitchen is a tip, ds is sitting at the top of the stairs in tears, the dog has upset a cup of hot chocolate on the living room carpet, and my "mother's help" is sitting watching TV.

So dh (we were both at the meeting) has settled ds in bed, then taken the MH home (she has forgotten to tax her car, so can't use it this week), while I've tidied the kitchen and wiped up the carpet.

Am I being unreasonable to expect just a bit better...?

Right, MH picking ds up from school today, and I need to sort her out at teatime.

As well as this particular incident, she has been getting a bit late for collecting from school (another mum has told me she waits with ds, MH has never told me she was late), at the beginning of the year she lost her mobile phone, and did nothing about replacing it, which meant it was very difficult for me to contact her, and I was always worried that she couldn't reach me if she had a problem. After 5 weeks of asking her to get a replacement, I dug out an old handset of ours, and bought a P.A.Y.G. sim for it.

She's also become less reliable about feeding ds, a child who will happily eat veg and good food, so she cooks whatever is quick and easy. Last week she gave him cornish pasty (which I'd suggested) with potato smiley faces, which were only in the freezer cos a little friend who comes to tea always asks for them. MH knows from past that I like him to have proper veg.

So basically I've been a little bit unhappy about her for a while, feeling she is starting to get a "can't be arsed" attitude.

So what should I say to her? As it's nearly easter hols, I'd prefer her to shape-up, rather than just bail out (altho' I have got a couple of agency numbers to hand if necessary).

She sounds pretty dreadful and unreliable - losing phone/car tax thing/being late/poor meals/lazy.
Have no experience of this kind of childcare (or not care as the case may be!) but if I were you I'd tell her things are not working out, you can say you really can't have her being late for school pick up if you need a reason etc etc.
Try Gumtree or agencies. Good luck.

yanbu.... but i don't see what it has got to do with her age

Well, mustsleep, I kind of thought that a mature lady who had been thru' raising kids of her own would understand the importance of being reliable, understand what little jobs in the house would help me, and would be a bit more caring towards ds.

I was wrong

i can see what you mean but i know loads of people in their twenties that would prob be much more helpful

i would definately get rid though you are not paying her to watch the telly whilst your kid is obv distressed (did she even know what was wrong)

did you say anything to her when you got back or were you too

I didn't say much when we got back, other than the fact that ds is not usually difficult to settle, and to ask why the dog was licking the carpet. In hindsight, I really wish I'd said "Goodness, this kitchen is a mess" as I'd walked thru.

Dh took ds to bed, gave him a little hug and he was asleep in 5 mins. DS said he had missed us. But I have always stressed to MH that I am reachable on the phone, even tho' I'm working, and ds could have spoken to me on the phone if she really couldn't settle him. He is 8 btw, not a baby. MH did say she'd taken him back to bed 4 times. I don't think she'd offered to stay with him for a few minutes tho', which is what I'd do, stay in the room with the light out for a short time (hasn't been neccessary for ages tho').

and finding someone in their 20s who can fit around the hours I need isn't all that easy.