Visiting for dinner

[Shoppingfordinner]

I visit my DM usually once a week, this is the only time she sees DC as she won’t drive to us (35mins -1hr drive depending on traffic). We go after school and have dinner there. It can be a PITA being the only one to travel for sake of facilitating a relationship between her and DC but I’ve accepted it won’t change.

My AIBU is I’ve come to notice she waits for us to arrive before going to the supermarket to buy things for dinner. So we’ll arrive after an hr of after school traffic, she’ll say hello, put the kettle on then go shopping. This is after her being at home all day so nothing stopping her doing it earlier in the day. AIBU to think this is annoy and quite rude?

Talk to her about it?
Bring food with you?

Difficult to say without a lot more information about your relationship, but my first thought is that she might be trying to hint you should be paying towards to the food each week

Weird behaviour.

If she is hinting at you paying for the meal then it's a bit cheeky since she refuses to come see you and the children so you have the added fuel costs whereas she doesn't.

It’s not solely for dinner that day, it’s her shopping for the next few days with an oven pizza or something for dinner that night, so I don’t think it’s a money thing

I do this when dh invites people over (I hate houseguests!). It’s so I can avoid spending time with them. My guess is she doesn’t enjoy your company as much as you might expect, and this is a way of getting out of some of the visiting. I’d make the visits less frequent and offer to bring a simple dinner you can throw together when you get there.

Ask her why she does this

This is odd.

It’s her that wants us to come so she can see the DC, not vice versa

Suggest a meet up at supermarket café then just go back home. Yabu to bother travelling to her home. You aren't welcome.

I agree with this. She's trying to make you feel unwelcome. Take the hint.

Why actively ask someone to come if you don’t want them there though? Is that not bizarre?

I wonder if she is waiting to find out what you and the kids want to eat?

You need to be direct and clear with her.

'We accept your invite and travel to see you, not sit alone in your house whilst you go out shopping, why do you do this'

She could text and ask the day b4

It's completely bizarre if she actually wants to see you.

I would just ask her.
"Mum, you leave to go shopping every time I visit meaning you get even less time with the kids - I don't understand it. Do you want to see us less? Or do you want me to bring dinner? Am I missing something?"

I think I’ll bring it up next time I’m there!

So she leaves you at her home waiting or you go with her to the shop? Either way that would annoy me after I’d travelled there and I’d ask her not to do that

Maybe she just wants to tell people you visit /she is a great dgm.

That is really odd. I think I would ask her to you know what time she will be back from her shopping and tell her you will get there then.

I thought you were going to say she waits until you get there before she starts cooking but Christ, that's even worse. Hate going round for a meal and then having to watch someone prep and cook it.