Would you give up now?

[ukk]

I have dated since age 17. Had two serious relationships, many shorter relationships and a LOT of dates. I’ve been heartbroken, I’ve cried myself to sleep over men, I’ve relocated for them, I’ve waited for them, I’ve enjoyed time with them. But all I ever wanted was a family. I missed the boat with one man who truly loved me, all my fault, and I often feel sad about that.

I have a 4 year old, his dad isn’t involved. This was with someone I loved and who left me when our child was 1.

I have set up a new online dating page and the last week I’ve just felt so depressed. There’s nobody i want to talk to on there. I feel like my time is over but also I am struggling to accept the thing I wanted so much… a marriage and a shared home… has never happened. And I hate myself for losing the one man who really deeply loved me. He’s long moved on.

Im just struggling tonight I think. I truly cannot imagine ever being loved again outside of my child.

Hi, sorry you’re feeling so low. How old are you? Has the one who ‘got away’ definitely gone for good? 💐

I feel for you. I'm 45, similar to you, but without the child. Its very easy for me to say, but it's that's very cheesy lyric of "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all". Its so hard to do but I flippin LOVE being single. I literally had to TEACH myself to enjoy it

I spoke to friends who had known me ages, people who I had worked with for years, and asked them what they didn't like about their own lives, and what they might be envious of in my life. I realised that everyone else liked my life much more than I did. So literally made a list of everything I should appreciate, that I wouldn't have if I was tied down. Like my mate who loves Chinese, but her husband doesn't, so they only ever get pizza or indian takeaways. I'm single. I can have chinese every time. I know that's a piddling little reason, but hunt out those reasons, and gradually by sheer number that list will grow and you'll find reasons to be cheerful about being single.

In chatting to the same friends I also realised they liked me far more than I liked myself. I'm sure the same goes for you. You're funny. You're a great Mum. You're caring. Do you sing well? Have you got great legs? Cute little ears? A happy laugh? Are you a great cook? I heard that lasagne you make is awesome. You have such a big heart @ukk . I like the way you always look our for the chap next door. You're flippin awesome - you'd be a great catch. Like a job application form..... You need to big yourself up, but to YOU. Remind yourself why you're fab and lovely and why everyone loves you. They know it, we know it, you've just got to convince yourself now.

And once you've learned all that..... Well you won't need anyone to love you.

As I said, easier said that done. Be kind to yourself, because you're lovely. Don't worry about the future. The future can worry about itself.

@Needesppressonow im 38. No he’s married now. Definitely missed the boat.

@FarmGirl78 wow, thank you, I’ve actually screenshot that. How long did it take you to get to that point?