Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think she made a commitment?

27 replies

SistaPB · 30/09/2023 19:19

I’m part of a choir and sometimes we do socials. Some of us were going to an 80’s night and I asked the person organising to get me a ticket. I realised after a couple of weeks that I couldn’t go so told the organiser and asked if I could get the phone number to call for a refund. The lady organising said there was someone else who wanted to go so asked if I would sell my ticket to her. I agreed and contacted the lady who wanted to buy. She said yes and asked me how much it was. I told her and said how much it was and she said she was fine with that. I was busy for a couple of weeks but then contacted her again and sent through my bank details. At this point she did a 😬 emoji at me and said she was now double booked.

i am now too late to go back to the venue and get a refund, as I would have done if she hadn’t said she wanted the ticket. I’m now stuck with a ticket that I can’t use. AIBU to think that she made a commitment and that just because I was a bit slow in sending my bank details this doesn’t make it reasonable for her to just say “oops sorry I can’t go”!

am left feeling a bit annoyed and out of pocket!!

OP posts:
reallypuzzledoverthis · 30/09/2023 19:22

Is it worth causing tension in the choir group for? Maybe pop it on facebook and see if it sells there, yes she should have paid but pick your battles

Oooooooooooo1 · 30/09/2023 19:22

You dropped the ball. I'd assume you'd put feelers out and sold to someone else if I hadn't heard from you

SarahAndQuack · 30/09/2023 19:22

I would also be feeling a bit cross, but I think the onus was on you to get it all sorted out within the period when you could get a refund. Did this other woman know there was a deadline for refunds? She may not have realised the full situation, unless you told her.

UnctuousUnicorns · 30/09/2023 19:24

There's nothing you can do about it; she hasn't made any "commitment" and doesn't have to buy your ticket from you. The onus was on you to check you could definitely go, before you spent money on a ticket. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
SistaPB · 30/09/2023 20:44

She told me she could definitely go and I told her the ticket was hers. It felt like a firm agreement to me - I just didn’t follow up immediately to get the money.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 30/09/2023 20:50

SistaPB · 30/09/2023 20:44

She told me she could definitely go and I told her the ticket was hers. It felt like a firm agreement to me - I just didn’t follow up immediately to get the money.

But that's not a firm agreement?

Khvdrt · 30/09/2023 20:52

That is annoying but generally you can’t get a refund when you buy a ticket anyway and you’d already bought it

Overthebow · 30/09/2023 20:52

I think this is partly her fault and party yours as you didn’t follow up with bank details for a couple of weeks.

SensitiveB · 30/09/2023 20:53

I wouldn’t make a fuss over it : I’d probably just say do you by chance know anyone else who might enjoy it as I’m now too late to return the ticket ?

Original poster
SistaPB · 30/09/2023 21:06

I had to change my plans as an event came up for my daughter that I needed to go along and support. I was pleased to discover that the ticket was refundable but was equally happy to give it to this lady who said she wanted it. I probably should have followed up on the payment quicker but thought we had made an agreement.

OP posts:
Original poster
SistaPB · 30/09/2023 21:09

Ok it’s interesting to hear others’ views. I guess I just have different ideas about what’s a firm agreement than some other people.
Not really planning to make a fuss about it and certainly wasn’t planning to cause unpleasantness at choir. Just feel a bit irked that I could have got a refund but didn’t because she said she wanted it.

OP posts:
SisterMichaelsHabit · 30/09/2023 21:12

Never heard of an events venue that offers refunds to people buying tickets.
That aside I think YABU to expect someone to pay for your ticket when you didn't sort it out immediately with them including getting the payment off them. You're the one who made the original commitment and then got double booked. Why is that fine for you but not the other person? I think you'd be a CF to try and get money off someone who can't use the ticket either.

Womencanlift · 30/09/2023 21:15

I think you were the one lacking commitment by not sending your details. If I was her I would have thought you had changed your mind as you did not complete the “transaction”
side of the conversation

Original poster
SistaPB · 30/09/2023 21:16

Well this one did if you returned it within a certain time period. Which I would have done if she hadn’t said that she wanted it.

But yes, lesson learned - I will make sure that I follow up any payments sooner in future.

when I was double booked I appreciate it was totally my problem to sort out but now she is double booked and it still seems to be my problem.

OP posts:
JustHappyWhereIAm · 30/09/2023 21:16

Was it a lot of money?
I’d be a bit pissed off but I don’t think I’d be making a big deal about to tbh.

Brefugee · 30/09/2023 21:18

meh. She was doing you a favour in taking your ticket off your hands. You should have acted more quickly.

She probably thought you'd forgotten, flaked or whatever and made alternative arrangements.

Original poster
SistaPB · 30/09/2023 21:22

It was £60 as included food. So not loads but enough to be a bit annoying (esp. in current cost of living climate)

Perhaps it did come across as a bit non commital from me. I just assumed we had an agreement and she would have put it on her calendar or whatever. I said I wasn’t in massive hurry for the money but would send bank details over at some point.

OP posts:
Original poster
SistaPB · 30/09/2023 21:24

I don’t see how she was doing me a favour tbh. She said she wanted a ticket and I said she could have one. I was perfectly happy to just go back to the venue and get a refund but because she said she wanted it I didn’t.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 30/09/2023 23:55

she was saving you the bother of returning the ticket.

You were too passive. You wanted to offload the ticket, it's not as though she didn't have other opportunities to get one. So, unfortunately it's a case of "you snooze, you lose"

chalk it up to experience and move on

Original poster
SistaPB · 01/10/2023 17:04

You’re putting words in my mouth - I didn’t want to offload it - it was easier to return it than sort out an arrangement with her tbh but she told me she wanted it so I agreed to give it her. She then seemed to conveniently forget all about it.

once I’ve agreed something then I tend to keep my word but I guess others don’t

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 01/10/2023 17:14

I think the onus was on you to send the payment details at the time - at that point there is a firm commitment, not before.

rookiemere · 01/10/2023 17:37

I would have been annoyed too OP, and probably would have messaged something back like " I wish you had let me know sooner as it's too late for me to get a refund now".

The reality is because no money had left her account the evening was pencilled in rather than properly booked.

Is it worth sending a message out to the group to see if anyone wants to buy it at a reduced price ?

zurala · 01/10/2023 17:45

I think she's been unreasonable but you should have made sure you sent your details sooner and especially ensured you got the money from her before the return period expired, so that you had options.
Can you sell it elsewhere?

Original poster
SistaPB · 01/10/2023 18:09

Yes I have messaged around and put on fb so hopefully someone will take it. One to chalk up to experience I guess.

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 01/10/2023 18:59

It's a bit frustrating, but, like others, as you didn't send bank details and get the money from her, at the time she was invited to the other thing, she wasn't actually committed.

Just like you she thought she would like to go, and then something else came up. As you'd not followed up the offer, by getting the money, then she quite possibly thought you'd managed to sell it elsewhere.

Have you checked with all the people who are going to see if anyone knows someone who would like to go with them ? More likely to sell that way than a single ticket to someone else who doesn't know the choir members.