When lots of people say you're being unreasonable there's a good chance you are isn't there? But I don't think I am so need some opinions...
(names are all fake of course) My in-laws consist of FIL, MIL, DH's sister Anna, her husband Alan and their 2 sons Mike (16) and Matt (9). DH and I have one daughter, aged 19, who currently lives half at home and half in halls (uni is too far to comfortably come back every day but near enough to come back almost every Friday-Sunday and holidays, which she prefers for a bit of home life). We live about 3 hours (if traffic is good!) from all the in laws who live close to each other.
A few months ago there was a big blow up as it came out that Mike's girlfriend, Maya, was a few months pregnant (I'm unclear whether any of the parents knew they were sleeping together but it's hardly relevant here). Mike had broken up with her before everyone else knew, he'd said at the time they were having too many arguments but obviously now it looks like he was scared of having a baby to deal with, which I can't say I blame him for as his parents are incredibly selfish and tried their best to teach him to be.
I know nothing of Maya's parents or family but apparently they told her to 'get rid or get out' so Maya thought her and Mike should try and get a housing association flat, see if they could get min wage jobs and co-parent (but not get back together). Mike was not keen, he wants to do a-levels then uni and talked about not wanting a baby with someone he's not together with, he thought they should have the baby adopted and his parents, DH's sister and BIL, were talking seriously about adopting/fostering the baby themselves, without Maya basically.
Maya pretty much flipped at this, hasn't been aggressive to them or anything but has clearly said she doesn't want to lose her baby, doesn't want them taking over etc. In-laws are universally unhappy about this, saying they're too young and the whole family should have a say over their granddaughter/greatgranddaughter.
We knew Maya a little from family visits etc, not well though, but after hearing what was going on (I mean in weeks of conversations and developments, not an instant knee jerk thing) we offered to let her stay with us for a couple of weeks over the summer for a break from everything (in-laws said Maya was talking about moving out from her family because of all this and sleeping at friends houses so we thought we'd be a safer bet). We didn't specifically want to get involved for ourselves but couldn't stand the sound of how bad everything was going. We had a spare bedroom, I've just had to move my office now into a corner of the dining room.
At first in-laws were over the moon and thought we were wonderful for putting her up so 'the kids' could have some space from each other and think about things (and they could carry on working on Maya to let them foster the baby!). We genuinely didn't push to get any more involved but Maya turned out to be lovely and, unprompted, talked to us and DD a lot, being honest about not massively wanting to be a parent right now but feeling as though it was a done deal now and she just wants to do the best to bring up the baby herself (including Mike of course but not giving the baby up). We let Maya stay another week while she tried to sort out what to do next, after her parents got social services involved to 'bring her back' but they haven't done much so far and say they don't have immediate concerns but are referring to either a social worker or a family support service (the worker that visited was as clear as fog!).
Maya was intending to go home and ask SS to help her get her own home but, after discussing things, DH and I offered to let her stay with us as we have the room, seem to get on ok, and said we'll review everything once the baby is a few months old (due in 5-6 weeks now) to give her more time to sort herself out, get benefits etc (we also discussed with DD who is fine with it all). We're genuinely not trying to 'fill an empty nest' but it's just worked out well that we have more space now DD is not home as much.
It might sound like a crazy idea and I would have said that too a year ago but it just felt right when it came to it and we'll review things as we go.
Maya accepted, her parents seemed relieved that she's not their problem to be honest which is awful. The in-laws though absolutely hit the roof. They've said this is all my doing even though DH made the decision too, that I'm a terrible person, I'm keeping Mike's child from him and their grandchild from them, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm trying to break up the family etc. They won't outright say it but they've made it extremely obvious they don't like us being in the way of their plan to look after the baby. We even asked if they'd want to put Maya up but apparently they have plenty of room for a baby but couldn't have Maya staying as it 'would invite more trouble', 'wouldn't be fair to Mike' etc etc!
They never come to see us and we were only planning to go to visit them at Christmas (already were slightly low contact with them before all this) but apparently it's our fault they won't see the baby as much as they want.
Apart from pretty much living in a Jeremy Kyle episode at this point, are DH and I in the wrong at all?