To ask for advice on getting over my driving anxiety?

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I passed my driving test 9 years ago, and have owned a car ever since which I've avoided driving. I last drove a year ago, and even then the furthest I've ever driven alone is around 2 miles away to the supermarket.

I've now got a job that's a pretty easy 8 mile drive away, mainly 30 mph roads. However, I've been getting the bus which takes over an hour due to the number of stops. I feel so silly walking past my insured and taxed car to walk to the bus stop in the rain.

I'm terrified of slip roads and changing lanes as I panic which makes me change lanes too quickly. I also worry a lot about making mistakes or knowing what to do if I need to overtake a cyclist or pull over for an ambulance, etc. I passed my test with no minors and I know I'm a safe and observant driver, but I just have no confidence with driving.

No minors at all? That must be truly exceptional.

What resources have you got to help you? A partner or friend? I would maybe pay for a couple of driving lessons too.

I would look at a driving instructor. Find one that specialises in nervous drivers and speak to them to tell them what your problem areas are. Find someone you feel comfortable with and start building up your confidence. You won’t be the only person who has passed their test that has come back for additional support - people will do it after an accident, because they’re a nervous driver, because they’ve lived in a city and not driven for a few years.

Pay for lessons. Tell the instructor the areas that you need particular help with (eg, changing lanes). You can even get the instructor to drive the route to work with you a few times so that you are confident on all the issues that might arise. Good luck 😊

It’s easy enough to get no minors, I know lots that got none.

I got 3, all in the same category of observations at junctions - one time I rushed a gap and twice I hesitated. All because I was worried about what the examiner would judge too long or short a gap. Anyway, that’s a bit irrelevant to the OP.

OP, you need to just do it! Avoidance reaffirms the anxiety. Can you do a pass plus course? Practise at quiet times on familiar routes, ideally with an experienced driver in the car. If you weren’t a good driver you wouldn’t have passed. Well done on recognising it as an issue though - I don’t mean that to be patronising but that really is the first step in overcoming it. You can do it!

Practice. Can you not drive the route at a quieter time of day when there's little traffic about to get accustomed to the route, lane changing, slip roads, etc? Evenings? Sunday mornings? Build up your experience and confidence at times when things aren't as hectic and you have more time/space to practice.

Do your think more lessons would help? Could get an instructor to go back and forth from your work until you feel little more comfortable. If you suffer from bad anxiety in general maybe worth talking to the gp about that.
I HATED driving when I was leaning and more after I passed , I just felt unable to drive so I didn't, until my brother almost died in hospital and had no other way to get there... If you force yourself to drive it will get easier over time

I have similar issues OP, I returned to driving with the help of lessons, got some confidence back for a period but have recently lapsed again. I find if I have long periods where I don't drive, the lockdown was one or even holidays or whatever then the fear and anxiety returns. I am now forcing myself to do certain regular short journeys to overcome this. I find that I am actually less nervous when I get in the car, it is my mind going through 'what if' scenarios beforehand that is the reason I will
avoid driving. I do recommend lessons, but also just driving regularly. Could you perhaps do some practice runs with an instructor for your work route?

I'd drive to short distance places & often - increasing the distance as little bit every time. Failing that take driving lessons again or have L plates on, just until you've increase your confidence.
Other drivers will pick up on your nervousness, I can tell if a car has a nervous driver in it.
It is either annoying - (as being too nervous can impact traffic behind) or it can be dangerous - driving 40/50 mph on a motorway for eg is dangerous as it's too slow.

This would be a good starting point

www.iamroadsmart.com/courses/non-members-driving-assessment

Get some lessons with a driving instructor that specialises in nervous drivers .

I vote refresher lessons.

Someone on here also gave some advice that helped me enormously. If you associate driving with being anxious so your heart rate goes up as soon as you get in the car, it is possible to retrain your brain to associate it with being calm and in control.
Start off by going and sitting in the car every day with a cup of tea or a book but don’t go anywhere. Then for a few more days just pull out of the drive and back again. Then round the block, and so on, building up gradually so you don’t find yourself in situations you can’t handle.

I was in your position a few years ago and turned it round. You can do it too.

I'm also not a v confident driver but I push myself a bit if neede. In this case I would just practise the route several times on a Sunday. It'll soon seem just an easy drive to you. You can do it!

Driving lessons. You can’t imagine how relaxed they feel when there isn’t a driving test looming in the distance

Can you get to work avoiding slip roads? May not take the 16mins of 8 miles at 30, but should take a good deal less than the bus ride. Use google maps satellite view to plan the route, then “drive” along it using streetview until you feel confident.

Start by driving a few places that aren’t time critical. Remember if you muff a junction or a roundabout because you find yourself in the wrong lane, you can just find somewhere to turn round and give it another go. Look out for a minor road on the right which you can turn into and do a three point turn, then you’re turning left on to the main road back to the junction, rather than waiting for a gap in both lanes of traffic for a right turn.

Always give yourself half an hour’s “getting lost” time, then you won’t be stressed about arriving on time.

I used to be like this until I split with my partner 2 years ago and now I drive anywhere because I have to. Its just practice the more you do it the easier it gets. Google maps gets you anywhere your not sure of

i was a nervous driver at first but really the only thing that helped was forcing myself to drive until it became less of a ‘thing’. A type of exposure therapy I guess! I would also plan my routes for longer journeys and look up fiddly junctions/roundabouts on Google maps. Then I knew what to expect. It helped that I had a bunch of weddings/hen dos across which required long motorway journeys, felt horrible to be so anxious about it but worth it long term.

As others have said, time with a driving instructor or advanced driving instructor will help.

Something that may also help is cycling on the same roads you'll be driving. I'm convinced that one reason I took to driving quite well despite not starting until I was 34 is that I'd a lot of experience of cycling on the road.

What motivates me is having to take my DCs somewhere, sometimes just having to hold my nerve in front of them and just do it gets me through.

I was similar op, passed and then lived in a city with great transport links. Then 8 years later moved to a town where my new job meant I had to drive.

I booked some refresher lessons but in my own car and then drove everyday at quieter times to build my confidence.

Enjoy pootling around now. Still don’t do motorways though 😀

I used to have driving anxiety, but realised it was a symptom of generalised anxiety I felt in other areas of my life.

You can overcome it. I did, and now drive anywhere and everywhere without a second thought.

I had a couple of motorway lessons which were really helpful. But to be honest the one thing that really helped was having to drive long distances regularly, on unfamiliar roads to put it all into practice

I would have some more lessons. I was very nervous but my driving instructor gave me confidence and made me feel I could do it.

Have some lessons (now, before the weather gets worse). Throw in CBT for anxiety if you want.

And then just make yourself do it, and then do a bit more at weekends, and some longer trips come spring.

A year from now you’ll be in a very different place if you do. You don’t want to be a non driver it shrinks your world literally and metaphorically.

I am a nervous newish driver and have P plates; I think other cars give me more space and consideration as a result.

Do you have someone (preferably a patient experienced driver) who will sit next to you while you're practising? My best friend does this for me and it's so helpful and reassuring.

Another vote for refresher lessons! I’ve done this- I love driving but have been driving on the left and in very rural areas. I was far too nervous to drive in a big city back in the UK and so got refresher driving lessons to get over the nerves. Learnt so much, and felt so much more confident. You can do it!

Aww OP, I was like this.
always hated driving, got no minors in my test.
I would do a 200 mile trip on the motorway but HATED town driving. I’m now a bit better and drive 20 miles to work each day and I’ve stopped a few times on the way home to pick things up. I always found going off the plan difficult and stressful.
its also what made me realise I was autistic, driving anxiety is common in autistic people due to the amount of information you need to process leading to overwhelm. it’s also common in those that are anxious generally