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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset my therapist said I’d never cope with twins?

8 replies

SnowWhite84 · 30/09/2023 16:40

I’m nearing 40 and have a 3 year-old conceived through IVF. We’d love a sibling for her but one has yet to show up naturally. We’re incredibly fortunate to have 4 embryos frozen and have been planning to try transferring them this autumn.

My therapist asked how many we would transfer at a time, saying, ‘Don’t have twins! You’d never cope!’

Am I being over sensitive in feeling like this was a crappy thing for her to have said? It felt unnecessary as I have zero desire to have twins and we definitely won’t be transferring more than one embryo at a time. In fact I’m quite nervous about the (unlikely) possibility of an embryo splitting. Not because I think I wouldn’t cope but because it would just be really, really hard work - especially with an older child as well - and not very enjoyable in the early years. Hats off to any parents of multiples reading!

A major reason I started therapy was due to self-esteem issues. I’m a SAHM currently but wouldn’t say I struggle with parenting particularly, beyond the usual frustrations, and this is not something I’ve ever talked about much in therapy. So I’m not honestly sure what particular aspect she felt I wouldn’t cope with or why she felt the need to point this out. It’s not as if I’m very young or inexperienced.

OP posts:
Mycutedog · 30/09/2023 16:50

Shitty therapist. Totally unprofessional. Get rid asap and report to any affiliations she is part of.

unfor · 30/09/2023 16:53

I would raise this at the start of the next session. Say how upset and taken aback you are. Unless she takes some responsibility for what she said e.g. "you know, that was really much more about my feelings about babies" then I would seriously think about finding another therapist. I think it's ok for therapists to make mistakes, they are human beings after all, but they need to be able to own them and repair the relationship with you.

Mycutedog · 30/09/2023 16:53

I think it's really hard to find a good therapist. I have had a few attempts but have had similar stupid comments made by a couple of them that have really affected me badly and now I wouldn't risk it.

manateeandcake · 30/09/2023 16:54

I’m a therapist. I strongly urge you to tell your therapist how you feel about this. Whether you stay with her or not, the experience of expressing your hurt and anger and feeling heard could be really valuable for you. If you don’t feel heard after telling her, it is time to find a new therapist.

SnowWhite84 · 30/09/2023 17:13

Mycutedog · 30/09/2023 16:53

I think it's really hard to find a good therapist. I have had a few attempts but have had similar stupid comments made by a couple of them that have really affected me badly and now I wouldn't risk it.

So sorry you feel this way.

OP posts:
Discomboobulated · 30/09/2023 17:17

I had twins as a lone parent. I coped fine, it was hard but not that bad.

JennyForeigner · 30/09/2023 17:22

She's talking rubbish. We have twins and a single and the twins are easier by far! She's probably just repeating something she has heard amongst friends or family rather than saying something which is really meant for you.

SnowWhite84 · 30/09/2023 17:24

Hats off to you @Discomboobulated !

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