AIBU to not let another baby take toys from my own?

[Takemetothelakes45]

I’m not passionate either way just a FTM looking for the general consensus.

I take my DC (8month)to alot of baby groups with a mix of ages. There’s one child in particularly who also attends a few (around 10 month I think) That can crawl and move and who snatches toys from other babies cos well, they’re a baby too and I get that. The mother herself is very vocal about aww X coming for that, don’t let them take this, oh have they just snatched that how rude etc.

So when they approach my own DC and tries to take things from there hands, I say ‘aww (DC) is playing with this one, how about we play with this instead’ and with hand her another toy, while helping my DC hold onto what she has. I noticed after a few times the other mother looked a bit put out by this, despite her asking others to make sure she doesn’t steal. I also noticed most of the other mothers let them take whatever from their own DCs. This just an example but this obviously happens a lot at these groups with lots of new toys available.

So I think really I’m not sure what the social norm is? As I said they are just young babies but I assumed gentle encouragement to not snatch toys (at the mother’s request as well) was surely a good thing? Also to try to encourage my own DC to not be a snatcher when they get to moving about?

But ready to be humbled either way 😅

YABU - there a baby let them have what they want manners come later
YANBU - start the basis of sharing and manners as young as possible for all parties involved!

'Oh you like this toy? Dc is playing with it just now but you can play with it when they've finished. '
That way your child learns to share when they're finished and the other child learns not to snatch.

Really I wouldn't care about the other mum because why she isn't actively teaching her child not to snatch is beyond me.

I agree for toddlers but these are just babies. I'd feel a bit crazy saying that to a 10 month old.

But they learn so much, continually. A 10 month old is learning the very foundations of social interaction, they are learning things that are repeated to them often, they are learning to recognise and respond to tone of voice, facial expressions, patterns of events...

It is worth investing in babies, toddlers don't appear out of nowhere.

Investing in your own kid sure. But I wouldn't bother wasting the time with other kids.

This is so OTT. They are babies not 3 year olds. I've never seen a baby care about a toy being taken. They don't even notice. They have no idea what's going on let alone concepts like sharing. Chill out everyone.

Yeah, I'm talking about your own kid - they are learning from your response, if you make a habit of responding with kind assertiveness each time, and in a couple of years, they'll be able to do the same for themselves.

You're in the right, though I think words like 'steal' and 'snatch' are a slightly dramatic way of describing it.

It's worth bearing in mind that sometimes mums at these groups are struggling, depressed, exhausted, might be living in bleak conditions, didn't get shown the right way themselves when young - I know that sounds condescending but it's true.

You need to be careful not to make it look like you're saying to a struggling mother 'oh look, you're shit and your baby's a tyrant' because they might be doing their best and absolutely exhausted.

At a baby group once, my baby DD wouldn’t let another baby take her toy, the mum came over and said “come on DS, she doesn’t want to share”.
That’s right, she as an adult was passive aggressive towards my DD, a baby. I just laughed at her because I couldn’t believe it.

So long as you’re not doing that, OP, you’re fine.

YANBU

Feels like a lot of mums are dragging their kids up nowadays, the norm is to steal and bully, like a bloody kid eat kid world now

I have no idea about social norms but i do remember my toddler shoving smaller kids off of his walker at these groups and it being really embarrassing when the other kids cried 🥴

You are in the right but I think you are overthinking this. Maybe the Mum had just had a shit night or a stressful morning and didn't have the energy to be constantly stopping her baby snatching. I'm sure she didn't think you were doing anything wrong she was maybe feeling a bit meh and judged?

On Mumsnet everyone's children always behave perfectly but in the real world sometimes they snatch even when they've been told not to. Especially little babies who have no concept of ownership. I don't think there's anything wrong with laying the groundwork for understanding not to snatch but I do feel you need to chill out a little bit.

But you're teaching your child that firstly they don't need to give away things they're using, they're allowed to have boundaries and ask others to respect those boundaries and to share in a fair way. So you are investing in your child by modelling those positive interactions for them so by the time they get to toddlerhood, hopefully you've already built those foundations.

I know, but I really can't be doing with all this "standing up for MY baby" and "protecting MY child" shit when we're talking about tiny, tiny little people. The most important thing is to make sure all the babies are happy and safe and interacting nicely, not to territorially guard your baby and whatever toy they're playing with.

And it's not nice to snatch, but it's also not nice to hog or exclude and it's nice to share. A child who has waited patiently for a toy and eventually runs out of patience and cuts in is not necessarily in the wrong. So there's a balance in everything and I'm not sure making long speeches they don't understand at babies and toddlers is helpful. Far better just to promote them all playing harmoniously rather than focus on the rights and wrongs of it.

YABU

they're babies, babies usually play with everyone’s toys at some point

this is your first isn’t it p