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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh selfish regarding money

26 replies

hondagirl500 · 30/09/2023 12:25

My oh and I run a holiday home business. We built it together but he did more of the heavy lifting and technical stuff. But I also cooked and did normal housework stuff at the same time.
business is good and I do all the change overs, ironing, cleaning plus do our own housework. All income goes into our joint account.
oh meanwhile has been helping a friend do building work at his house a few miles away and is getting paid cash…. Which is ‘his’ cos ‘he is doing the work’.
um…. I got a bit stroppy - surely some of the money he is earning there should go in joint account? I have no opportunity to earn extra money like he is.
should he share??

OP posts:
SchoolQuestionnaire · 30/09/2023 12:30

Not sure tbh. You split the money from your shared business but I don’t know how the rest of your finances work.

Why don’t you have the opportunity to earn more too? If he is not pulling his weight in the business then you may have a point.

DustyLee123 · 30/09/2023 12:31

Yes he should.
Whats he spending it on ?

MargotBamborough · 30/09/2023 12:33

If you generally pool your income then yes it should be going into the joint account. And he shouldn't be getting paid cash anyway. I assume he isn't declaring it as taxable income?

Therealjudgejudy · 30/09/2023 12:33

Does he pull his weight in your joint business?

Pigeonqueen · 30/09/2023 12:34

We share all income.

Hufflepods · 30/09/2023 12:36

Why do you not have any opportunity to earn more money though?
You say ‘other half’ but that’s so vague. Married/ not married/ home owners together/ kids etc are all relevant when it comes to finances?

BoohooWoohoo · 30/09/2023 12:37

What is he likely to be spend the money on? If he's likely to buy some takeaways or dinner out then Yabu If he buys newer tools etc then also Yabu

Have you considered trying to make extra money that is yours? Eg cleaning for other holiday jome
earners

Thebigblueballoon · 30/09/2023 12:38

What ratio of work do you both do now in the business?
I wouldn’t begrudge him a bit of ‘fun money’, but it’s unreasonable of him to put nothing in the joint account.

theduchessofspork · 30/09/2023 12:41

If you are married all money should be shared equally

If you aren’t it’s negotiable, but yes, in this instance I’d expect it to be shared as you run a joint business so your finances are pooled anyway

YeahNoYeah · 30/09/2023 12:43

Are you married? Does he work in the business now or has he stepped back to leave you to do it all? Do you have plenty of finances in the joint account?

Although I'm a believer in sharing finances when married, I'm on the fence without more detail.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 30/09/2023 12:49

It depends on the details of your relationship. Are you each others closest family? Hope that makes sense. If your married it's obvious, without that it's harder to guage the level of the relationship. If you are committed life partners then I'd view all money as shared.

Khvdrt · 30/09/2023 12:50

Personally when I do extra work that money is mine if DH was at home relaxing in that time. I wouldn’t go out and spend it all on something if he was struggling and equally when he does extra work he might buy a takeaway or buy something he knows I’ve had my eye on like a perfume or pay for a day out for us but I don’t expect it to be joint money

Inertia · 30/09/2023 12:51

I’d be inclined to tell him that you are also getting other paid work to top up your income, so he is responsible for the business (including cleaning/ laundry/ changeovers) on XYZ days.

Goldbar · 30/09/2023 13:14

If you're spending more hours than him on the holiday home(s)/ your own cleaning, then I would:

  • take a bigger cut from the holiday home business as you're doing more of the work, and
  • demand that he steps up so it's 50/50 at home.

Everything is either joint, or it isn't.

Spacecowboys · 30/09/2023 13:15

Depends really. If you’re living comfortably from the joint business, I don’t see any harm in him keeping the extra money for the additional work he is doing himself.

rwalker · 30/09/2023 13:18

There’s 2 separate issues running the home and business there should be an equal division of workload

but as for working for his mate it’s him who’s doing it so I’m with him
my wife picks up some extra work from time to time she puts herself out she goes and does it don’t see why a chunk of it should be mine

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/09/2023 13:19

Khvdrt · 30/09/2023 12:50

Personally when I do extra work that money is mine if DH was at home relaxing in that time. I wouldn’t go out and spend it all on something if he was struggling and equally when he does extra work he might buy a takeaway or buy something he knows I’ve had my eye on like a perfume or pay for a day out for us but I don’t expect it to be joint money

I agree with this- I don’t think you have to pool everything but you need to be pulling equal wait at home to have equal free time

Original poster
hondagirl500 · 30/09/2023 13:28

We are married.
kids grown up and not living at home

i don’t begrudge him all his earnings but think he should be putting more in joint account.
I can’t go out to earn more for myself as business takes up too much time and I don’t really have any transferable skills

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 30/09/2023 13:32

Just make sure you’ve got equal spending money. Take out of the joint account whatever he is spending on himself

Hankunamatata · 30/09/2023 13:44

Suppose it depends how much it is. If its a couple hundred cash in hand then no I wouldn't expect it to go in the pot. Dh would use it as spending money and probably get take aways etc for both of us

pantypant · 30/09/2023 13:47

Hufflepods · 30/09/2023 12:36

Why do you not have any opportunity to earn more money though?
You say ‘other half’ but that’s so vague. Married/ not married/ home owners together/ kids etc are all relevant when it comes to finances?

Because the OP works in the business. The dh doesn't on a day to day basis do he has time to go work outside the business.
OP then you can announce to your DH that you also want to earn outside so the business will be employing someone to do what you do for the business to evangelist you to have time to clean elsewhere.

If he doesn't want to do this then he can go half the cleaning etc allowing you to have time to earn outside.

If he says no they tell him this is why his outside earnings is joint money.

FloweryName · 30/09/2023 13:49

If you don’t have dependant children any more and you aren’t struggling financially, I don’t see why you think he should share just because.

It’s not his fault you have no transferable skills and he’s using his own spare time to do this work so it isn’t taking anything away from you. If you wanted him to do some more of the work involved in your joint business so that you are doing an equal amount and you do have time to yourself to earn or do whatever you want, that would be fair.

Hufflepods · 30/09/2023 13:56

“I don’t have any transferable skills” isn’t really an excuse to work less though.

What is your normal working split and financial contribution like? What does he do hours wise/ what do you do and how much do you both contribute?

Secondwindplease · 30/09/2023 14:18

Do you work a full time job alongside the holiday let? Does he?

Tangledbaby · 30/09/2023 14:20

I’m normally very 50/50 with money but this is different.

if it’s in his spare time/day off (and you have equal time off). Then I don’t see an issue as everything else is shared.

My DP has a trade background and if he wanted to spend his evening or Saturday or whatever helping a mate for some cash rather than seeing friends or doing a hobby then I wouldn’t expect a penny.
The same way if I wanted to spend my free evenings or Saturday doing ironing or cleaning for spare cash then it’s be mine.

Unless of course there are financial difficulties and we were doing it for that. If it’s just a nice extra then no.

Otherwise you’re saying ‘you can never ever earn a single pound without giving me 50p, even if I don’t need it’. Which doesn’t sit right with me.