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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about giving a lift?

43 replies

MimsyBorogrove69 · 30/09/2023 09:29

Tomorrow 2 friends and I are going on an organised 16 mile walk, about a 45 minute drive away. My husband is also doing this walk, but he could potentially add another loop of 9 miles run/walk. My friend is driving and of course he could have a lift if he was definitely just doing the 16 miles (it would mean a long wait for him as he is faster than us). However, if he decides to do the extra 9 we could end up waiting for him. There is also food at the end of the event, which I know he will want.
If it was just the 2 of us doing this, of course, I would wait around for him. But I think it is unreasonable to expect my friends to wait about for him.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 30/09/2023 10:47

smallshinybutton · 30/09/2023 10:08

Can he really not not run 9 extra miles? Does he have issues around exercise?

Ffs.

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/09/2023 10:47

You know he'll sit in the front of the car don't you?

katenutzs · 30/09/2023 10:48

Why dont you just go with your OH on this occasion

Nanny0gg · 30/09/2023 10:50

MimsyBorogrove69 · 30/09/2023 10:06

It could, potentially be a short wait; it could also potentially be a long wait. It is an unknown. I know he will be doing all the maths and saying it will be a short wait and making me out to be unreasonable. He will definitely want the food at the end and will feel aggrieved if he misses out.

Show quote history

As it's not you driving he can be as aggrieved as he likes.

Your friend is driving, he can't just decide to change her plans.

Let him sulk

Nanny0gg · 30/09/2023 10:51

katenutzs · 30/09/2023 10:48

Why dont you just go with your OH on this occasion

Because I expect she wants to go with non-sulky friends

Freezingcoldinseptember · 30/09/2023 11:00

Imo he wants a huge WELL DONE PET for doing the extra miles like a blooming hero. And now you have dampened his plan...

sodthesodoff · 30/09/2023 11:02

Doesn't sulky mcsulk face have any of his own friends who can drive/throw out the welcoming committee after his manly walk?

BrioNotBiro · 30/09/2023 11:06

Also, I haven't even asked my friend if she can give him a lift, but I'm sure she won't mind.

I think you are being a bit of a CF foisting your huffy husband on your mate.

TibetanTerrah · 30/09/2023 11:07

So he doesn't want to wait around for you, but sulks at the idea that you don't want to (make your friend) wait around for him? Hmm

Shopper727 · 30/09/2023 11:23

He’s muscling in on your day with your friend therefore if he wants a lift it should be in line with what you were doing anyway. I’d be annoyed if I was your friend and you told me not only did he went a lift but we had to hang about waiting for him, especially if you’re tired and want to just get home. Hope the food is good afterwards you’ll be more than ready for it after 16 miles 😊

cushioncovers · 30/09/2023 11:35

smallshinybutton · 30/09/2023 10:08

Can he really not not run 9 extra miles? Does he have issues around exercise?

😂

stayclosetoyourself · 30/09/2023 11:38

smallshinybutton · 30/09/2023 10:08

Can he really not not run 9 extra miles? Does he have issues around exercise?

Lol 😂

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/09/2023 11:42

Does he have a way of getting there himself?

Bearbookagainandagain · 30/09/2023 12:21

I have done trail runs so can understand his logic to see after the first 16k if he wants to do the other loop or not, but he can't expect you all to wait for an undefined period of time. He needs to decides if he runs or walk at least, because that makes a huge difference to the time it will take him to do the 16-25 miles...

What's the issue with him driving? Then he's free to do whatever he wants?

whatchulookinatwillis · 30/09/2023 12:25

The short answer is, if he wants a lift then he fits in with your plans and doesn't moan about hanging around/missing food/missing the extra run.

If he wants the possibility of having flexibility on the day then he gets himself there and back.

Autumnleaves89 · 30/09/2023 12:31

He sounds like a spoilt kid. Going off in a huff! Honestly. Self centred nob.

Original poster
MimsyBorogrove69 · 30/09/2023 13:27

Bearbookagainandagain · 30/09/2023 12:21

I have done trail runs so can understand his logic to see after the first 16k if he wants to do the other loop or not, but he can't expect you all to wait for an undefined period of time. He needs to decides if he runs or walk at least, because that makes a huge difference to the time it will take him to do the 16-25 miles...

What's the issue with him driving? Then he's free to do whatever he wants?

There's no issue with him driving - we have a car. He hasn't mentioned it again, so hopefully he'll just make his own way there.

OP posts:
dcsp · 30/09/2023 19:27

The basic rule for when someone offers a lift is to minimise the extent to which you put them out. Asking your friend to wait around for him would be breaking that rule - so he has 3 choices:

  1. Commit to finishing after the 16 miles
  2. Drive himself
  3. Offer to drive instead of your friend doing it, so you three can all go to the pub and have a drink while he does the extra 9 miles.

A good husband would go with option 3.

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