AIBU to continue ttc with my best friends upcoming abroad wedding?

[Wildon91]

We have been ttc for a few months but currently no luck yet. As the months are ticking by I’m becoming acutely aware of my friends abroad wedding next year.

We are very close and I have been asked to be part of the bridal party.

Now I’m torn as really want to be there but also I’ve never wanted anything more than to be a mum.

Deep down I have the fear I will struggle to conceive as I’ve always had very irregular cycles. So I feel selfish saying this but I really don’t want to stop ttc as I want to give us the best chances of conceiving.

AIBU to continue ttc?

Sort of depends how old you are and how hard you are ttc. If you’re doing ovulation sticks, taking temperatures and chanting at midnight, a few months off from that might be a good thing? Still have sex obvs but without the pressure.

Keep on ttc. You can’t put your life on hold over a friend’s wedding. It is just one day in her life and she can ask someone to take your place if you fall pregnant with a due date to close to fly.

I was a bridesmaid for a friend and was going down the aisle at 7 months pregnant (not my first child so had a big belly by then) at her wedding. Your friend should not mind if you are pregnant and bridesmaid dresses can be tailored if they need to be.

Just read the update that your friends are expecting everyone to take ten days overseas to attend their wedding. I would be declining, pregnancy or not!

I'd TTC just to avoid that wedding! Seriously though OP, it would be crazy to stop TTC over someone elses wedding.

We skipped one month of TTC because my due date would have been my brother in laws wedding (4 hour drive away!). DH was best man, I was a bridesmaid, DD was a flower girl etc. I went into labour on my due date with DD so didn’t want to risk all of us missing the wedding, but knew if it was one month either side we’d probably be fine.
I don’t think I’d have skipped multiple months though even for family.

Keep ttc, you've no real idea what may happen. A 10 day wedding abroad is a pretty huge imposition to put on any guest. I doubt they are paying for everyone and what about leave for work. Even if you weren't pregnant, had a newborn etc I would only be going for a few days.

To be honest I'd be highly grateful for a baby to get me out of a 10 day wedding abroad. How self obsessed does someone have to be to plan that?

Remember babies don't always stick to schedules, even if you delay for 3 months baby could come early. Do what's right for you, if you feel like waiting until later in the year and just keeping healthy etc it's not a wrong choice but equally if you decide to continue ttc now that's right too

If you would really enjoy going to the wedding then skip a month or 3 of trying. Or don’t! It’s your life. Plenty of people put ttc on hold for short periods ie to make sure they get mat pay when changing jobs. It has to work for you.

But also - check it’s not a zika affected country! Just with you saying it’s a 10 day trip.

You can still go to the wedding if pregnant and to be honest it would make a lovely babymoon. If it's only a month or two I can see the benefits in stopping trying but I wouldn't delay it 9 months so you aren't pregnant at the wedding.

Do not go back on contraception due to someone else's wedding! Ridiculous!

Tricky

If you really really really want to go to wedding and not miss it due to being heavily preg and not being able to fly

Then yes stop ttc for 2mths

Then carry on , you may get preg and be 2/3/4mths preg at wedding

that's fine

Usually I would say if want a baby and as took me 10yrs ttc and 5 privates ivf and many thousands

Then carry on ttc. But stopping for 2mths so not 7/8mths preg if successful isn't a bad idea

A 10 day wedding though. Wow. Sounds costly

How entitled are they to expect everyone to stay for 10 days for their wedding? How much is that going to cost? Is this one of those wedding packages where guests pretty much subsidise the cost of the accommodation?

I wouldn't stop ttc anyway, but I certainly wouldn't be stopping for someone who is expecting you to give up half your annual leave (and a whole lot of money) for their destination wedding

Keeping trying. You can’t put your dream on hold for someone elses

Does you friend know you’re trying? If you’re successful you could just say - oh whoops look what happened! Don’t stop trying though, you never know when the lucky month might be. I know this from long experience! Good luck 🤞

The one thing in life I realised when TTC is you have no control over it and it’s one of those thing a in life you do t have control over. Keep going and see what happens. You could take a couple of months off just so you know you will definitely make the wedding ie not heavily pregnant and can’t fly, but personally if keep going.

also it sounds like you’re close to your friend so tell her you’re TTC if she’s a good friend she’ll be understanding

Completely unnecessary comment.

OP, the choice is yours. It's perfectly fine to continue to TTC, or indeed to stop for a couple of cycles if you really want to go to this wedding.

I'd be more inclined to continue if you are worried about your age and have a couple of cycles off if time is on your side.

10 days though...bloody hell!

Keep trying you never know how long it will take.

Pregnant or not, I think most people would struggle to commit to the time off needed to attend a 10 day wedding. Holy hell.

This.

If they're that self-absorbed they might not be happy at losing some of their wedding party, but there will probably be a decent number giving it a swerve who aren't ttc.

Good luck - hope that ttc goes well