Best Friend - help!

[whygodwhy]

I'll keep this as brief as I can, would really appreciate some perspective on a situation that’s arisen

A large group of us went on holiday and my Best friend had two of her very good long term friends join the larger group, she really didn’t want them to come as she was worried about how they’d fit with the group, as they like to have Best friend and husband to themselves. The couple heard about the holiday and kind of invited themselves along … stayed in separate accommodation to group in villa as no room for them as had been booked along time

Anyway … we all went for 2 weeks, they joined for second week … on the second night the husband of the couple, who I know but not very well … for no reason anyone can really understand shouted across the table when I arrived for dinner “your a f*ing Bitch” I had literally just sat down … not even spoken, also called friend who’d invited them a “manipulative bitch” … his wife told him to stop he told her to shut up … apparently this is his sense of humour and no malice intended

he apologised 2 days later, when I responded to his apology he told me to shush!

I don’t find it funny, I have lots of male friends who joke around a lot but never call a woman a bitch!!

the issue now is is Best friend is still very close to them, I am really struggling with this, ideal world she’d be as pissed off as I am and distance her self out of loyalty to me, but I think she just feels she wants to stay neutral … it’s all a very awkward situation

I’d really value your take/advice on this

sorry that was long and typed on iPhone!

Wow. Yeah I would judge my friend for being close with such appalling people. And for not calling out such nasty behaviour.

Maybe just cool it for a bit with friend (and obviously never see awful couple again). Give the friendship a bit of space. Or you could raise the issue with your friend but it doesn’t sound like she has the loyalty chip installed properly, so not sure how she’d respond to what she’d see as pressure to break off from friends she likes.

Sounds like your BF is embarrassed about his behaviour, and feels bad that she invited them along. Maybe she’s trying to brush over it due to her embarrassment? If it was my BF I’d have a frank conversation with her and ask if she found it as unacceptable as you do? Hopefully this is all a case of her hoping it will blow over rather than thinking this is ok!!

Thanks … I have talked to her we have 37 years of friendship… she says she understands I feel she’s being disloyal but that it really wasn’t with malice and if it was she’d go to bat for me … on the night she told to chill out

It’s just such an awkward topic now between us … I just feel so very sad we’ve got this horrid elephant in our relationship now

Thanks … I think there’s a massive slice of exactly this … my worst/best trait is I’m ride or die and expect the same

Oh so you were insulted by some prick you don’t know, and who wasn’t invited, and she told you to chill out?

I would leave her to it for a while. She wouldn’t go to bat for you - because, she didn’t. And isn’t.

Thanks … told him to chill out and calm down

and yes he is!

I agree it speaks to who she really is. I was in a similar situation a few months ago (but the friend of friends DH made a racial joke) and I now just hang with her and won't be going on holiday with her friends again.

Shame these idiots are out there! As you say holidaying wity people is very telling

Thanks all for your advice last night

Well he sounds like a complete idiot.
It's not that he called you a bitch...if you were or it was an argument....its just really not funny in any way.

Clearly your BF knows he does this, and realises its idiotic, but its difficult to challenge just one instance for you if she has let it slide every other time.
They aren't your friends, they are hers, and she is allowed other friends, so just ignore