Annoyed at lack of contact

[Bunburyist22]

DH is military and just left for a year-long assignment earlier this month. At first he texted pretty frequently, but we're already going days at a time without him reaching out. Due to the time difference, our wake up time is his nighttime and vice versa.

We have two kids (13 and 1) and they keep me pretty busy in the morning when one is getting ready for school and the other needs breakfast and clothes and everything, and night can get hectic between dinner, showers, and baby's nighttime routine. Sometimes before I realize DH would be available, it is too late for me to get him while he's awake/not at work (his mornings). However, I am literally the only one who has made phone calls to him. He's only reached out to our teenager when I've prompted him to. If I don't text, he likely won't initiate a convo, and a lot of times he just doesn't answer when I text.

Last weekend we got in an argument because I texted while he was partying after midnight and he said he'd text when he got to his apartment, but he didn't. I didn't even hear from him until two days later. He admitted it was sucky, but since then the only text I've gotten was today (three days since we last talked about his not calling/texting when he said he would) when he sent something saying he's still alive and will chat in the (his) morning.

I can't tell if I'm being needy and unreasonable by being mad about how much he doesn't reach out. I know he has work and stuff, but he has whole nights with nothing but TV and TikTok to do while I've got the kids and pets and house and it'd be nice just to get a text asking how things are going, you know? AIBU?

No..you are not BU..he IS being an arsehole though..

Is this his first year long tour? I think you should set boundaries right now, as you've got a year of this ahead of you, so it won't get any better if you let things go.

You are not being unreasonable at all!

To put it in perspective my DP is away. We text a fair bit through out the day and video call every evening.

Tell him boundaries!

I might be inclined to give him a taste of his own medicine, as doing the adult thing and talking to him about it clearly hasn’t worked. Not only being an inconsiderate husband but a pretty shitty dad as well.

Otherwise, does he have set times off? So he could maybe do a video call once a week? And then it’s a bonus if you text during the week?

Not only being an inconsiderate husband but a pretty shitty dad as well

I agree with this. I mean texts take fucking seconds and yet after just a month he already can't be arsed to even message to ask how you all are and what the kids have been up to.

Sounds like he doesn't give a crap to be honest and is enjoying having freedom from the day to day of family life.

Wow that's really shitty of him. I would be very petty and give him a taste of his own medicine and see how long before he notices. It must be very tough for you. Will he be home at all for visit?

He has pretty regular hours. He had a year-long deployment to a war zone about 10 years ago, so talking every day was unrealistic. But this one, he essentially works in an office and has evenings (so our mornings) and weekends off. I think video calls once a week and a daily message or two would be super reasonable, but I think I got to second guessing whether I'm being too needy by expecting it? Anyway, your message definitely reinforces kind of what I was thinking. I feel bad for the kids, especially the tiny one, because he just does not seem to be trying to keep himself present in his life. Or that he expects me to do that work for him in addition to everything else here.